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Binky

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1

Sunday, February 18th 2007, 6:51pm

This is really getting me down

I have been on a downer since August when we started trying for a second child and were unsucsessful. Anyway I am on a huge feel sorry for myself (I am sorry if I offend anyone it really is not ment) My friend has given birth to her second son today and although I am very happy for them, I can't help but think when will it be our turn or will it ever be our turn again? I know I am very blessed and lucky to have my little girl and she is my life, but I still have a gaping hole does anyone else feel this? Am I being greedy? I have tried to explain things to my husband and he feels the same although he feels compelled to tell everyone how not only how he feels but me too and it has upset me.

I don't want to be the one that gets upset everytime I hear that someone is PG anymore. I am being selfish.

I see my cons on the 2/3 and have not lost enough weight to be put on the list for a lap and god knows I have tried, I am on a low fat diet going to the gym everyday and swimming 3 times a week as well as running after Libby and on top of that I take metformin and orlisat and have lost a measly 8 pound, what the heck am I going to do.

i have put my life on hold for almost ten years with TTC and its all becoming to much. AARRRGGGHHHhhhh

Sorry for the rant.

Jo ;(

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Sunday, February 18th 2007, 6:55pm

Hun, I know where you are coming from. Its so hard, but hang in there.

:hugs:

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Sunday, February 18th 2007, 7:40pm

it is hard LG and it is normally to wanting another child.

dont know what to advise you but keep going hun

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Children: Connor 8, Freya 4, Harri and Rhys 3

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Sunday, February 18th 2007, 8:13pm

Libbygrace,

That is excactly how I felt when TTC No2, my best friend and I started TTC for No 2 together, she fell pg first month, it took me 3 years, 1 miscariage and overian drilling to get there!

You are not selfish or greedy, you just want what every "normal" person gets!!! There is nothing wrong in that. I was sick of hearing oh you have had one so it will be easy to have another etc etc. Unless you go through the pain of fertility problems you just don't understand the upset, each month that passes.

As for losing weight..............................sounds like your trying everything, its so hard I have no suggestions, but to just keep on trying, maybe ask to see a someone about it.

The only advise hunny is for you and dh to stay strong, keep talking about your feelings and keep on ttc.............................miricles do happen they just take time!!

Good Luck

Karenxx













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Sunday, February 18th 2007, 8:31pm

i know exactly where you are coming from sweety. i could have written your post. feel so blessed that i have my little boy, but i have an ache inside, an ache for another child. i cant stop it, i have tried but it wont go away. :(
it is soooo hard to be happy for people, i have a friend due in april and i feel so horrible that i cant be happy for her, but i have to put a brave face on and i WILL visit her in hospital when she has the baby, i WILL smile all the way thru the visit and i WILL coo over the baby and last but not least i WILL break down in tears as soon as i get back to my car.

i hope we all get our miracles soon hunny. :hugs:



I'm running down the road like loose electricity, while the band in my head plays a strip tease!



Binky

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6

Sunday, February 18th 2007, 8:48pm

Thank you for all your replys.

Kaza you are an inspiration when looking at your tickers you really are giving me hope.

I am actually sat here in tears it really does hurt deep down inside. It hurts everyday but some more than others, its the second thing I think about every morning and is lurking in my mind all day everyday.

Cookie - I will being doing as you say tomorrow evening and will like you say, sob all the way home. I am happy for my friend, she has not had it so easy, she has m/c at least 5, although has no know fertility problems.

All this TTC gets on top of us.

I am making the keyboard wet from the crying and can hardly see the screen.

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Sunday, February 18th 2007, 8:51pm

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

sending you strength for tomorrow night hunny. :(

xx kerry xxx



I'm running down the road like loose electricity, while the band in my head plays a strip tease!



Binky

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Sunday, February 18th 2007, 8:53pm

Thanks hun,
Jo x

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Sunday, February 18th 2007, 10:24pm

Most of us on this board know that you can't understand the pain of infertility until you've been on the rollercoaster that we all know so well. It's the same with wanting another child - you can't really understand the pain of wanting a second child and not be able to conceive until you get into that position yourself. It's easy to think we're being greedy, but it's a very real pain and, I found, quite a different pain from wanting a first child. It can't be explained - it must just be an instinct. You mustn't feel greedy or guilty, Jo or Cookie, you just have to work through your own situation as best you can. At least we can support each other through these times.

I found it was a much deeper ache, maybe because I felt I was yearning for a child not just for me but to give DS1 a playmate/soul mate, and I was feeling the pain on his behalf (because he was too young to know it).
Had a total of three fresh IVF cycles and three frozen transfers (embryos and blastocysts)
m/c @ 11 weeks in 2007 DS1 and DS2 born from fresh IVF cycles :D
:D

Binky

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Sunday, February 18th 2007, 11:14pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Limpet

I found it was a much deeper ache, maybe because I felt I was yearning for a child not just for me but to give DS1 a playmate/soul mate, and I was feeling the pain on his behalf (because he was too young to know it).


THATS IT EXACTALY

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Children: DS#1 (clomid) 1999 -vb - DS#2 (natural BFP) c-sec

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11

Monday, February 19th 2007, 10:39am

I agree - I could have written your post myself - we didn't start trying for #2 until Callum was about 14 months but just assumed that as clomid had worked so quickly first time around (2nd cycle) that Callum would have a sibbling in no time ... eh try 7 years later !!!! I know how you feel and we had 5 1/2 long years of ttc #2 before it happened and although I didn't plan or want that gap there are pro's .. I've got my own little helper and he doesn't have the same demands on me as a toddler would.

We had MFI as well as my PCOS and when I got my BFP with Gregor we were not going through any tx .. so miracles really do happen.

Hope you get some answers from your consultant on 2/3 - let him know how you are feeling and that you are really trying to lose weight - he may go ahead with the lap anyway if he knows its not that you haven't tried to lose weight.

Elaine
x
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





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Monday, February 19th 2007, 1:03pm

hey there Libby - I hope you dont mind me posting here. If you do, just let me or a moderator know and I will delete my post.

I dont know your history, so I dont know how "easy" it was for you to deliver your first child.

I dont think anyone can say primary infertility is easier or harder than secondary infertility - it's just different.

I have noticed two trends though - those with primary infertility feel depressed because they feel failures in not being to have a live healthy child. Those with secondary infertility feel depressed because they first go through shock that #2 isnt as easy as #1 was (looking back in time).

But.... Limpet, I think it is unfair to say that those of us who havent had too much trouble ttc #2 dont understand. We do understand, we dont think you are being greedy, and we do know how real ttc pain is.

As you yourself told me, your #1 was first time lucky. I found that very hard to hear at the time after 7 years of ttc and having just lost a pregnancy with ICSI#2 at the time. All aches are real. All aches are valid. One is not better or worse than the other - just different.

We should all be here to support each other whatever our circumstances.

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Children: Connor 8, Freya 4, Harri and Rhys 3

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Monday, February 19th 2007, 4:18pm

Libbygrace/Cookie

I really know what you girls are going through.......................I have been there and its a horrible place to be!!

Try and stay strong when I was going through what you girls are I just put on a big brave face to my friends on the outside, but inside I was a wreck!!

I really don't have any constructive advise (as there prob is none) only to say you are not alone in how you feel and as I said just look at my ticker..................miricles do happen (even when your not expecting it)

Stay strong and keep positive

Love

Karenxx













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Binky

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  • "Binky" started this thread

Posts: 1,264

Reg: Aug 27th 2006

Location: Location, Location

Children: 1 beautiful Little Girl with help from clomid.

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14

Monday, February 19th 2007, 5:04pm

I thank everyone who has posted here, and although I wish we were mot in this boat I am pleased I am not alone.

Sunshine - I don't mind anyone posting on any of my threads and respect your opinion. I have to say I 'actively' tried for 7 years for libby and yes it was painful and depressing BUT I am personally finding it harder to cope second time round, I think what Limpet meant ( i could be wrong and feel free to correct me if I am) is that all the ladies struggleing to conceive first time round would find it difficult to understand the pain of secondary infertility, I know I did, I used to think well you should be grateful for the one you have got as I can't have any etc. and now I am in that position

It is a different pain and extremlly frustrating, knowing that you have been able to do it before and now only 1-2 years later your faced with worse problems as I am.

I am not belittleing anyone who is TTC's pain thats the last thing ever I would do, I understand them fully and will support them and sympathise with them every step of the way, but for ME it is harder, more painful, very different and frustrating TTC 2nd.

Sorry for waffleing on

Jo x

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Monday, February 19th 2007, 6:59pm

Libby - ok. I understand where you are coming from, but - seriously - not "all" ladies ttc the first time around think "well you should be grateful". Honest, they dont. I know it might feel like that at times though. I still remember wanting to punch people in the face who shortly after I came back to work from #1 said "oh, so when are you going for #2? eh? eh?". I used to laugh and say "well, that depends. how's your sex life by the way?" (although inside I was crawling).
Sun x

Binky

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Monday, February 19th 2007, 8:37pm

Yes I agree!

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Monday, February 19th 2007, 10:09pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Libbygrace
I think what Limpet meant ( i could be wrong and feel free to correct me if I am) is that all the ladies struggleing to conceive first time round would find it difficult to understand the pain of secondary infertility, I know I did, I used to think well you should be grateful for the one you have got as I can't have any etc. and now I am in that position


Thanks Jo, that's exactly what I meant. I wasn't getting at you Sun.

Of course there are plenty of women ttc for the first time who are going to find it hard to understand the *different* ache of ttc #2, but I think the word "all" was only used in passing rather than literally. We just have to tread very lightly, esp on a forum like this, as you don't know who is finding it harder than anyone else.

So, onwards and upwards, and I hope the road isn't much longer for you Jo! 8)
Had a total of three fresh IVF cycles and three frozen transfers (embryos and blastocysts)
m/c @ 11 weeks in 2007 DS1 and DS2 born from fresh IVF cycles :D
:D

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Reg: Jan 10th 2007

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18

Thursday, February 22nd 2007, 2:05pm

Second time

Logic dies not really come into it. I feel tremendous guilt for making my son an only child. I got pregnant very quiickly with him so never really had any angst. I dont think I would have gone through IVF ifI hadnt already got him.

We all just have to move on as much as possible.

Good luck

Pip
Pip


Little boy naturally conceived, born June 2002

TTC for 4 years

First ICSI at Leeds St James Jan 2007 2 embryos transfered

Test 30/1 BFP - baby boy born 2nd Oct 2007





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19

Friday, March 2nd 2007, 11:05am

So pleased to have found this part of the site, reading your comments has really helped.


Me 39, DH 40 Children, Lucy and DS (7)
Lucy lost in car accident 8th April 2002
TTC 6 years - ICSI x 4 - :BFN: x 4







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