You are not logged in.


Unread posts

Dear visitor, welcome to FertilityZone . If this is your first visit here, please read the Help. It explains in detail how this page works. To use all features of this page, you should consider registering. Please use the registration form, to register here or read more information about the registration process. If you are already registered, please login here.

  • "Belfast babe" started this thread

Posts: 48

Reg: Jan 28th 2014

Location: Belfast

  • Send private message

1

Thursday, August 20th 2015, 7:13pm

Adoption help

Hi everyone.

So after 3 failed ICSI attempts we're considering going down the adoption route.

I've been reading up online and the whole process sounds quite scary.

I'm abit worried about the following -
I have epilepsy will that effect our chances
How long the process lasts and once approved how long do you wait on getting match?
What's the chances of getting young baby/child
We both work would I need to come out of work?
Do we have to tell the kid they where adopted while they're growing up?
Do they have contact with they're biological family?
What would be the reasons for not getting approved?

A lot I know, my heads a bit melted with it all.

Thanks
IVF#1 ICSI - July 2014 :BFN:
IVF#2 ICSI - November 2014 :BFN:
IVF#3 ICSI - May 2015 :BFN:

:rainbow:

Maria72

MODERATOR

    Italy

Posts: 13,749

What's Up?
ohffs

Thanks: 105 / 45

  • Send private message

2

Friday, August 21st 2015, 4:52am

Sorry I can't answer any of your questions. I would say talk to someone in your local area that deals with adoptions to find out more so you can make the right choices. It might not be as daunting as it sounds.
Good luck xfingers

Posts: 1,146

Reg: Nov 13th 2009

Location: Kent

Children: 1 DD and 1 great big soppy Weimy!

What's Up?
We are a family, oh wow!!

Thanks: 221 / 201

  • Send private message

3

Friday, August 21st 2015, 7:43am

Hello!

I didn't want to read and run. When I've got a bit more time this evening I'll try and answer your questions for you. I have recently been through the adoption process twice and now have 2 girls. You're welcome to read through my diary here which should tell you quite a bit. It's very normal to have so many questions and feel apprehensive but it's also exciting! I'll be back later x x

TTC since 2007

1st ICSI cycle BFP 13.11.09 - m/c 15.11.09
2nd ICSI cycle BFN 18.3.11
3rd ICSI cycle - BFN 2.9.11

Jan '12 - We are now hoping to adopt!
July '13 - We did it! bab19
September '14 - We did it again! bab19

mini mcgee's diary

Wardie

MEMBER

    United Kingdom

Posts: 2,573

Reg: Sep 5th 2010

Children: 1 Beautiful Daughter & 1 Gorgeous Son

Thanks: 422 / 1352

  • Send private message

4

Friday, August 21st 2015, 9:06am

I'm the same as MM didn't want to read & run.

I have also gone through the process mine wasn't as straight forward but we experienced a truly rare situation however I am pleased to say we are now the proud parents of a beautiful 1 year old little girl!

Feel free to read my diary too!

I'll reply when I get more time via the laptop!

What I will say is the process isn't half as bad as some of what you read on the Internet describes at time! Xxx

Posts: 1,146

Reg: Nov 13th 2009

Location: Kent

Children: 1 DD and 1 great big soppy Weimy!

What's Up?
We are a family, oh wow!!

Thanks: 221 / 201

  • Send private message

5

Saturday, August 22nd 2015, 2:26pm

Right, nap time so I can try and answer some of your questions.....

Your epilepsy - you will both have to have full medicals at some stage during the process. I'd be upfront from the beginning and don't see why it should affect your application. I have rheumatoid arthritis and the social workers asked for a letter from my consultant saying how I cope day to day etc. I'd had recent surgery the 2nd time too and this didn't cause any problems for us.

From our very first phonecall to bringing our first daughter home took 18 months. Once starting homestudy we had to be got to panel within 9 months. I understand that this timeframe has now shortened to 6 months however. Most local authorities or agencies like you to have had a certain amount of time since finishing your IVF, this seems to vary from place to place. I think our one wanted a 6 month break. As for how long you'll wait for a match I'm afraid it's as long as a piece of string! We waited 3 months, Wardie was a lot longer but then I have friends that were aproved as adopters and matched with a child on the same day!

Since going through the process i feel that the chance of getting a baby is a lot higher than you are led to believe. My 2 were 8 months and 6 months and everyone I know that has been through it have ended up with a child under 1. I see you are in Ireland though so I'm not sure if things may differ.

With regards to work you would be expected to take your adoption leave in the same way as maternity but then it is your own choice to return etc.

Adoption is very upfront nowadays. There's no sitting them down at 16 and breaking the news. I have made life story books for my 2 which seems to be the norm and every now and then we look through them. There are pictures of their birth parents in there and other siblings. As they get older they'll be able to read them as and when they want to.

Contact with the birth parents is usually just done via a yearly letter which goes through the SW's. It may be that you get to have direct contact with other birth siblings that have been adopted or again this might just be letterbox. Sometimes if the birth parents are willing you may get offered a one off meeting with them without the child.

As for not getting aproved I guess it would mainly come down to the judge deciding you wouldn't be able to cope as parents. You're not taken to panel though until your SW is practically 100% sure that you will be aproved! I'd say be upfront about everything right from the beginning as everything can be worked through and I can guarantee it will be worth it in the end!

Hope this helps a bit. Any other questions just shout x x

TTC since 2007

1st ICSI cycle BFP 13.11.09 - m/c 15.11.09
2nd ICSI cycle BFN 18.3.11
3rd ICSI cycle - BFN 2.9.11

Jan '12 - We are now hoping to adopt!
July '13 - We did it! bab19
September '14 - We did it again! bab19

mini mcgee's diary

  • "Belfast babe" started this thread

Posts: 48

Reg: Jan 28th 2014

Location: Belfast

  • Send private message

6

Tuesday, August 25th 2015, 12:09pm

Many thanks for that :)

I'm just abit worried about the whole staying in contact with the parents.
Also letting the child know they've been adopted from the word go.

It feels like even though we'll be bringing the kid up as our own we'll always be second class.
Not sure this is for me tbh :(
IVF#1 ICSI - July 2014 :BFN:
IVF#2 ICSI - November 2014 :BFN:
IVF#3 ICSI - May 2015 :BFN:

:rainbow:

Posts: 319

Reg: Oct 6th 2010

Thanks: 3 / 0

  • Send private message

7

Tuesday, August 25th 2015, 12:58pm

Hi I'm not sure of your fertility history but if you are open to the possibility of adoption would you not consider donor eggs/sperm or even embryo adoption? I have friends that have adopted embryos from abroad (Reprofit Czech Republic) the cost was far lower than here & they liked the idea of the anonymity that you no longer get in the UK. I carried a surrogate baby for my friend, they used dodnor eggs & her hubby's sperm. They had wanted to adopt after they though they couldn't have their own biological child but came across surrogacy along the way. Feel free to PM me xx
Proud Mummy of 4 girls & 1 boy. Surrogate mummy & 4x Egg donor

  • "Belfast babe" started this thread

Posts: 48

Reg: Jan 28th 2014

Location: Belfast

  • Send private message

8

Wednesday, August 26th 2015, 7:56pm

Hi

We had to go through ivf due to male factor.

We had 3 rounds of ICSI, all with good quality embryos transferred but with no luck.

Xx
IVF#1 ICSI - July 2014 :BFN:
IVF#2 ICSI - November 2014 :BFN:
IVF#3 ICSI - May 2015 :BFN:

:rainbow:

Clucky14

Newbie

Posts: 12

Reg: Jul 17th 2014

Location: Solihull

Children: Adopted son

  • Send private message

9

Thursday, August 27th 2015, 12:31pm

hiya belfast babe, i also didn't want to read and run.
I also wanted to let you know we have a nine year old adopted son whom we adopted when he was 18 months old and we are now in the process of adopting an embryo (FET).
My son knows he's adopted and every year we write to his birth mum, letting her know how he is and what he's up to and now that he's older he's started writing the letter himself and we visit his foster family often (because they are lovely). i just wanted to let you know at no point did\do i feel second class and my son knows he's special to have so many people who love him and now that he's nine he also thinks its cool he's adopted; but he is also very, very much our son in looks (strangely) and personality.
Hope this helps xx
Claire ?o(




FERTILITYZONE



MEDHURST – PROUD HOSTS OF FERTILITYZONE