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  • "djones" started this thread

Posts: 6

Reg: May 8th 2014

Location: london

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Friday, May 9th 2014, 3:59pm

Everyone is pregnant but ME!!!

Infertility is a funny thing. It has turned me into this jealous envious person who I don't recognise. As you know we have been struggling for over 5 years and only just now we managed to get an appointment to see a fertility specialist. I have always bottled things up and always pretended I didn't want to have kids yet as people put so much pressure with their questions. Lately I have opened up a bit to my Mum and my sister and a few close friends but not all! Everyone is saying the more you worry the less chance you have... Relax it will happen... You try too hard... and whatever else they think of which is nonsense but I don't think people know what to say unles they have experienced it themselves. Anyway in the last 3 4 months the majority of my friends got pregnant may I add that it has happened almost instantly first or second month of them trying. I am happy for them I really am but it kills me inside. I want their happiness and then my head fills up with questions why them not me? Why am I being punished? Why can't I just have 1 healthy baby not 2 3 4 5...just 1! And then the jealousy and anger take over and I become so bitter. I then look at myself and I am disgusted... how can I be jealous and envy my friends?! My own sister?! My cousins! So hard to come to terms with. Even my friend who has bmi of over 50 managed to get pregnant on a one night stand while drinking and smoking?!!! I don't have any bad habits. I eat lots of fruit and veg and exercise yet no joy for us ?o( :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown: how do you cope? Am I the only one who feels like this

Posts: 1,146

Reg: Nov 13th 2009

Location: Kent

Children: 1 DD and 1 great big soppy Weimy!

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We are a family, oh wow!!

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Friday, May 9th 2014, 4:18pm

I can promise you you are certainly not the only one that feels or has felt like this! My TTC journey lasted about 8 years and now I am out the other side of it I can honestly say I am a completely different person to the one that started. No, it's not fair watching everyone around you falling pg at the drop of a hat and it's even worse having to experience the feelings that you are whilst knowing that you are a good person but unfortunately this is all part and parcel of struggling to conceive. I can remember dreading going into work when colleagues were pg and being faced with their bumps all day long and then being surrounded by yet more on my commute to and from on the train wishing more than anything that I could be wearing one of the badges that let the whole world know I was pg. I remember that dreadful kick in the stomach feeling each time I would log on to FB and see a new scan picture or be told of a friends pregnancy and I remember the awful jealousy that would soon follow and continue whilst I watched the bumps growing.

All I can say, and I know that it won't really be of any comfort at the moment, is that this awful time will pass. One way or another you will find a way of becoming a family and having that precious baby to hold and the instant you do you will know that your journey has been so worth it. Many of us on here have longed for that crystal ball to tell us when that will be but sadly we just have to keep plodding on with hope that that day is just around the corner.

Ultimately you are by no means alone in the way you are feeling especially here on FZ! :hugs:

TTC since 2007

1st ICSI cycle BFP 13.11.09 - m/c 15.11.09
2nd ICSI cycle BFN 18.3.11
3rd ICSI cycle - BFN 2.9.11

Jan '12 - We are now hoping to adopt!
July '13 - We did it! bab19
September '14 - We did it again! bab19

mini mcgee's diary



Posts: 1,494

Reg: Feb 11th 2013

Location: Lanarkshire

Children: 1 Labradoodle, my furry baby

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Friday, May 9th 2014, 9:34pm

I read ur headline and thought did I write this!

I feel exactly the same way sometimes, don't beat yourself up over it it's only natural to feel that way, it doesn't make u a bad person.

Right now most of my friends are on to their second babies, and there are 11 women in my office of 50 expecting so completely surrounded by it. My close friends and family know our situation but not all and no1 in work.

All I'm basically saying is ur not alone, even though some of the time it feels like it
This website has been invaluable to me over the past wee while

Pip :thumbup:

1st IVF Nov 2013 - mmc (blighted ovum)
2nd IVF ICSI sept 2014 - freeze all
Dec2014 FET :BFP: :BFP: it's twins xxx



Posts: 2,394

Reg: Apr 10th 2010

Location: Kent

Children: Two beautiful daughtersr - thank you Guys hospital

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Friday, May 9th 2014, 10:10pm

Mini has put it so well above but you are definitely not alone. I know I am incredibly lucky to have my DD but during my years of TTC I lost count of the number of times I was left angry and upset by friends and colleagues getting pg seemingly with no problem at all. Even my brother - his gf was pg at 42 with no issues at all and I was so disgusted with myself for feeling jealousy that it worked for them. I was of course delighted for them but you can't escape that feeling of utter helplessness and the 'will it ever happen for me'. I truly hope your journey will not be a long one. Good luck and take care xx

ICSI Feb 2011-:BFP: m/c
FET Aug11 & Nov 11 - cancelled pre ET
FET May 2012- :BFP:
DD born Feb 2013
FET Feb 2015 :BFP:
DD2 born Nov 2015


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