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cheenab

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Sunday, August 18th 2013, 6:06pm

Clingy boy

DS is getting so clingy lately, he won't go to anyone not even DP, he's really starting to take it personally and thinks DS doesn't like him. I don't know how to reassure him it's just a phase?!
Any advice on how to stop the clinginess? Don't get me wrong I love that I'm his favourite person at the moment ;) but it does get to much when I can't even pop to the loo without him following me crying screaming mum mum mum!!!
And I'm really worried that I'm giving in to easy, when he's literally clinging to my leg wanting to be picked up, I do!! As I don't want him to continue getting upset, it makes me really upset.
I'm sure everyone has been through the same with there LO's, any magic tips to help? xx
FET August 2011-1 Blastocyst onboard :BFP:
Zachary William born on 27/4/12 at 10.12am weighing 6lb 12oz
Shock natural BFP 15/3/15 :faint:
Finley Thomas born on 5/11/15 at 9.39am 7lb 14oz
Another shock natural BFP 6/8/16
Teddy George born on 30/3/17 at 4.34pm 7lb 9oz






Dusky7

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Sunday, August 18th 2013, 9:10pm

Dd1 was like this, my family used to get really annoyed and ite pretty much ignored her. She wouldn't go to DH either. Afraid I haven't any tips...just that it is a phase and hopefully won't last too long, ours was about 6 weeks... I just carried on as normal, just a bit harder xxxx



1st ICSI - Oct 08 - :BFP:!!! DD born July 2009 : D
1st FET - May 11 - BFN :-(
2nd FET - Sept 11 - BFN :bawl:
3rd FET - Jan 12 - :BFP: DD2 born October 2012

DUSKY'S FET DIARY



cheenab

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Sunday, August 18th 2013, 10:19pm

My parents keep moaning at him saying what do you want her for!!
DP, shouts gets stressed out because he's trying to get to me.
I feel awful.
Was trying to eat my dinner earlier and all he wanted was me but dp got him out his chair and instead of trying to distract/console him he just moaned at him saying she's still bloody there etc then saying to me, this is bloody pissing me off!!
Making me feel even more awful, he was sobbing his little heart out by this point, so just put my plate down and took him off dp, and bless him he clung to me so tight!!!
It really is hard. But even harder when others don't help out, dp was actually making the situation ten times worse :(
FET August 2011-1 Blastocyst onboard :BFP:
Zachary William born on 27/4/12 at 10.12am weighing 6lb 12oz
Shock natural BFP 15/3/15 :faint:
Finley Thomas born on 5/11/15 at 9.39am 7lb 14oz
Another shock natural BFP 6/8/16
Teddy George born on 30/3/17 at 4.34pm 7lb 9oz






BeeS

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Monday, August 19th 2013, 1:07am

Poor you!! Sounds so tricky.

My DS had clingy moments around that age though it came and went a bit rather than being one intense phase, if you see what I mean.

Do you think it might help your DP to read about how it's a developmental stage and a very common thing to have to deal with? Perhaps you can find something in a baby book or website that could help him to understand your little one. Better understanding wont make the stage go away but might make it less stressful for all involved!

I remember reading in a few places that playing peekaboo helps little ones learn that things/people that go away can come back. Maybe you and DP can play some games like that - peekaboo or hide and seek - when LO is in a more playful mood. DP might enjoy feeling it's something he can help to teach his little boy perhaps?

Good luck! It's not easy, but it's definitely just a phase and will work its way out. Hope you find some ways of making it less stressful while it lasts!!
Bee

PCO/Amenorrhea. Resistant to Clomid. Success with Gonal F ovulation induction.
DS1 born Mar 11 and DS2 born Sept 2013

Buzzbee

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Monday, August 19th 2013, 2:18pm

Totally agree with what Bee has said and her suggestion. My DS goes through phases of clingyness, moreso with DH. As I read up on it books and understand it's part of their development it never bothered me but it does affect DH if he is being clingy with me. He feels rejected but I explain to him it's a phase and have even got him to read chapters in books so he understood. It helped but he still felt upset as DH is one of those people who likes to feel loved and doesn't like rejection.

As for grandparents, I think they too (some, not all) don't understand the phases children go through, they assume it's down to us and our parenting, which really annoys me. My mum is great as I explain to her about the phases they go through and what I have read but DH's stepmum can be quite patronising and imply it's something we're doing wrong.

Sadly by your parents and DH acting like that they are probably not helping and making your DS not want to go to them. They clearly are anxious by it and your DS will pick up on that vibe. He will find you much more comforting to him because you are reassuring him that it's OK.

Hopefully it will pass soon xx
An almost 4 year old son and a 21 month old daughter :)

cheenab

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Monday, August 19th 2013, 3:55pm

Thanks ladies.
I have a book upstairs going to get him to have a read through it later.
Took ds to visit my sister and her kids earlier and he wouldn't go to her or near the kids at first, my sister kept saying he's spoilt and gets away with it that's why he does it.
I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. Everyone keeps telling me I should ignore it, which I do to a certain degree.. But it's so hard to ignore when he's sobbing his little heart out and throwing himself at me :(
Feeling a bit of a crappy mum, especially when getting told he's just spoilt that's why he does it, makes me feel so lousy!! Am I not allowed to buy my son a few bits, am I not allowed to give him lots of cuddles and love. Does that make him spoilt?!?!
Really don't understand :(
FET August 2011-1 Blastocyst onboard :BFP:
Zachary William born on 27/4/12 at 10.12am weighing 6lb 12oz
Shock natural BFP 15/3/15 :faint:
Finley Thomas born on 5/11/15 at 9.39am 7lb 14oz
Another shock natural BFP 6/8/16
Teddy George born on 30/3/17 at 4.34pm 7lb 9oz






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Monday, August 19th 2013, 4:09pm

Don't worry everyone spoils their children. This phase will pass,my nephew was the same but we never took offense and now he is so happy to play with us xx

sasha146

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Monday, August 19th 2013, 8:50pm

Hi cheenab

Firstly your a fantastic mum, and we all spoil our children one way or another but I'm not convinced at this age they understand what spoiled means.

Firstly I believe this is a very hard phase as it has happened to me since returning to work and its so so hard being the one that feels hated, my ds was never strange then from about 6-8 months he would scream the place down when someone else took him but seemed to come out the other end, my first week back at work was about 8 weeks ago and at the end of the week my ds wouldn't come near me, he wouldn't look at me he wouldn't come near me, he cried when I took him I was devastated to say the least and like your dp
I would say he hated me, what had I done wrong etc, on our own he was fine with me but if dh or my parents were there I was last in line which I was so hurt at, however last week it all changed and the rolls have been reversed, ds is fine when I'm not there but when he knows Im there but can't see me he shouts and cries mum mum until he gets to me, it's a lovely feeling I'm now the favourite however I can see dh is upset, it was always da da but this week he's barely had a mention.

Have circumstances changed at home, is dh away a lot or working shifts, or has your work changed so when ds is with you he wants to keep you incase you leave again?

My ds is very soft which I find hard to deal with as I'm the complete opposite due to my job, I try not to give in but like you if my baby is finding something hard to deal with I want to pick him up, cuddle him etc, I'm getting my cuddles in while I can :)

Good luck mrs hope it passes soon

X
ME 30 DH 37

ICSI Oct 11 :BFP
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cheenab

MEMBER

  • "cheenab" started this thread

Posts: 4,138

Reg: May 27th 2009

Location: Northants

Children: 3 gorgeous boys Zachary, Finley and Teddy <3

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Monday, August 19th 2013, 9:37pm

Thanks hun,

I'm off work at the moment as school hols, so maybe that has upset his routine a bit as dp usually does the evening routine while I'm out.
Dreading how they are going to get on when I go back in 2 weeks :(

xfingers it gets better soon. It's horrid isn't it xxx
FET August 2011-1 Blastocyst onboard :BFP:
Zachary William born on 27/4/12 at 10.12am weighing 6lb 12oz
Shock natural BFP 15/3/15 :faint:
Finley Thomas born on 5/11/15 at 9.39am 7lb 14oz
Another shock natural BFP 6/8/16
Teddy George born on 30/3/17 at 4.34pm 7lb 9oz






Buzzbee

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Tuesday, August 20th 2013, 6:12am

It is usually something that triggers it - a change in routine or whatever. My DS first became clingy when he started nursery last year. That lasted a few weeks. So we knew the change in routine and us all of a sudden leaving him upset him.

This year, a few months back, we took him swimming for the first time in ages. We didn't take him much because he has eczema and it makes his skin worse but we had a holiday booked so wanted him to get use to water. Anyway, he screamed when we took him and that set off another stage of clingyness and him waking every night crying. That lasted about a month or so.

Both times we have just reassured him and gave him lots of cuddles. As Sasha says they are still far too young to understand if they're being spoilt or not.

Just keep doing what you're doing in reassuring him, you are definitely not spoiling him. You are his world and you make him feel safe. Hopefully DP will be more sympathetic and understand it is just a phase and I'm sure over time he will soon become a daddy's boy.

Keep us posted xx
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Tuesday, August 20th 2013, 2:22pm

Hi,

My DD was super clingy from 6 months to about 18-20 months. She never went to anyone but me or DH or the childminder. She had her moments with not wanting to go to the childminder and DH too. I think once she was walking and gained independence, she got more confident around people.

With your DH, maybe he should spend some 1-2-1 time with your DS. Maybe the two of them could go to a softplay, or go to a nearby pond to feed the ducks? maybe some time away from mummy (out of the house) will help them to bond?

My DD was the clingiest child ever, with family making snide remarks or just not trying to interact with her (due to fear of failure perhaps). But I found leaving her with them for short periods helped and eventually she got out of the phase and now, at 2.5 years, she is one of the most confident and independent toddlers I know!

Dusky7

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Friday, August 23rd 2013, 4:01pm

How are you doing Cheenab? You're not spoiling him! That's not nice of your sister to say at all :-( I don't think you can spoil a child in cuddles and love!

Dd2 is just starting to be like this, she was fine a few weeks ago, she'd go to anyone, but now I try and pass her to my mum or anyone and she screams, mum takes it very personally and passes her back saying she doesn't like her and she won't talk to her...??! I just don't get family some times!!!

Hope things are a bit better...? Xxxx



1st ICSI - Oct 08 - :BFP:!!! DD born July 2009 : D
1st FET - May 11 - BFN :-(
2nd FET - Sept 11 - BFN :bawl:
3rd FET - Jan 12 - :BFP: DD2 born October 2012

DUSKY'S FET DIARY



cheenab

MEMBER

  • "cheenab" started this thread

Posts: 4,138

Reg: May 27th 2009

Location: Northants

Children: 3 gorgeous boys Zachary, Finley and Teddy <3

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Friday, August 23rd 2013, 4:10pm

My sister is very awkward, she keeps calling him a winger and little sissy when he just wants me!!!
He's been pretty clingy still it only seems to be when I leave the room and he can't get to me that he's like it, was having my legs waxed this morning at home and he was trying to climb up the table to get to me, nothing was distracting him so in the end he had to sit on my lap while I had it done!!!
He keeps throwing the biggest strops aswell when I try to ignore him clinging to me, literally throwing himself on the floor!!!

Would love to know where my happy little boy has gone!!! xx
FET August 2011-1 Blastocyst onboard :BFP:
Zachary William born on 27/4/12 at 10.12am weighing 6lb 12oz
Shock natural BFP 15/3/15 :faint:
Finley Thomas born on 5/11/15 at 9.39am 7lb 14oz
Another shock natural BFP 6/8/16
Teddy George born on 30/3/17 at 4.34pm 7lb 9oz






Dusky7

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Children: Two beautiful little girls, so so lucky!! :)

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Friday, August 23rd 2013, 6:20pm

He's still there hon, and he'll be back, as hard as it is it is just a normal developmental phase, and hopefully a short one :)

Your sister doesn't sound very helpful at all :( xxxx



1st ICSI - Oct 08 - :BFP:!!! DD born July 2009 : D
1st FET - May 11 - BFN :-(
2nd FET - Sept 11 - BFN :bawl:
3rd FET - Jan 12 - :BFP: DD2 born October 2012

DUSKY'S FET DIARY



cheenab

MEMBER

  • "cheenab" started this thread

Posts: 4,138

Reg: May 27th 2009

Location: Northants

Children: 3 gorgeous boys Zachary, Finley and Teddy <3

What's Up?
Couldn't be any happier :D

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15

Friday, August 23rd 2013, 6:43pm

She isn't really!!!
She likes to think the sun shines out of her little girls bum!!!

Hopefully it's a short one, feels never ending at the moment!!!

Thanks hun xx
FET August 2011-1 Blastocyst onboard :BFP:
Zachary William born on 27/4/12 at 10.12am weighing 6lb 12oz
Shock natural BFP 15/3/15 :faint:
Finley Thomas born on 5/11/15 at 9.39am 7lb 14oz
Another shock natural BFP 6/8/16
Teddy George born on 30/3/17 at 4.34pm 7lb 9oz






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