Huge dilema!!!!!

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optimistic2

MEMBER

Posts: 1,217

Reg: Oct 16th 2010

Location: Ayrshire

Children: 2 baby girls in heaven, 1 beautiful boy

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Very grateful lady

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Thursday, August 23rd 2012, 4:35pm

Huge dilema!!!!!

My cousins wife has offered to be a surrogate for us, or ED. She came to me out of the blue after talking with my sister, she really feels she wants to help us.

DH is completley against any of it. I could be persuaded though!!

Any thoughts girls? or advise

TTC 6yrs

IVF Feb 2009 :BFN:

DE IVF Jan 2010 :BFP:

2 little pink angels in heaven 30/6/10

Shock natural :BFP:

6/3/11 M/C 11/3/11

FET Oct 2010 :BFN:

MY DIARY
WE have been matched our LO will be with us for Christmas bab11

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louise78

FORUM MENTOR

Posts: 4,494

Reg: Aug 18th 2009

Location: East Midlands

Children: One beautiful, healthy son. Identical twin boys born too soon, sleep tightxxx

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One very happy lady

Thanks: 368 / 247

Thursday, August 23rd 2012, 5:05pm

I have texted you Hun.

It's a massive one... Getting back on the ttc and pressure is a big one and you have embarked on the adoption journey which I know what your dh is saying is a guarantee isn't it. But do not for one second feel guilt about exploring other avenues - you need to be certain. Are you willing to face the what if it doesn't work with ed? What does your heart tell you- I guess you both need to be sure of how you feel. If dh says no categorically then that's a tough one too- I'm guessing it's because he doesn't want to see you go through it all again.

Has she considered all the implications of it and spoken it through carefully? She has obviously given it thought before speaking to you and knows what j went through? Nothing is ever straightforward is it...how were you feeling before this offer? Content with your decision to adopt? Xxx

6x cycles of clomid bfn
2X iui bfn
1x ivf - identical triplets - miscarried triplet at 9 weeks, lost my other two beautiful boys at 23 weeks - passed away shortly after birth 17th June 2010.
4x FET 1 early loss
1 natural early loss.
2011 Nov immune cycle FET bfn
2012 Jan immune cycle ivf bfp baby7

Ds arrived safely 1/10/12 : D

2013 Aug immune cycle FET bfp confirmed miscarriage at 8 weeks
2014 Jan immune cycle bfn
2014 April immune cycle bfn.
2014 July fet bfp ❤️ seen at 7,9 and 11 weeks

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Demi

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Posts: 1,478

Reg: Feb 10th 2009

Location: UK

Children: Approved to adopt January 2012

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Thursday, August 23rd 2012, 5:57pm

Wow that is an amazing offer, what an incredibly selfless thing to do.

My best friend once offered this to me, and I have to be honest, I declined for various reasons, the main one being how we would both deal with everyday life afterwards and keeping emotions in check. I think it is a very personal decision, and one that you can't make overnight. You and DH need to do a lot of talking. Sure he's immediately ruled it out, but things change. In the heat of the moment, we can all say something that we later regret, or change our minds about later on. It has to be something that you both agree on entirely. I guess my only advice is to not put too much pressure on your DH, let him come to a decision in his own time. Have rational, calm talks about things, and do lots of research.

Good luck, I'll be thinking of you xxx

My Diary - Demi's Adoption Journey

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rallygirl

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Posts: 1,035

Reg: Jan 16th 2011

Location: Leuchars

Children: Our beautiful angel Evie and her new baby sister Isla, our wee rainbow.

Thanks: 60 / 201

Thursday, August 23rd 2012, 6:46pm

Gosh hun, it is a huge dilemma!!

I have to say, i'd be really tempted to go for the egg donation. I can understand the emotional issues if she was to be a surrogate but if she simply donated the egg and you guys did the rest, then why the hell not??

I wish you all the very best whatever you decide to do my lovely.

blowkiss

xxx

Rallygirl's Bletherings

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Gracie

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Posts: 5,839

Reg: Jul 15th 2007

Location: Hampshire

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I now have double the trouble

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Thursday, August 23rd 2012, 8:20pm

That is a fantastic and generous offer but I have to say that I personally wouldn't consider it.

My daughter was born as a result of DE treatment in Spain, so I have no idea who my donor was and I have to say, I much prefer it that way. That's just my personal feeling though and I appreciate everyone is different. I plan to be honest with her about her origins but she will have to accept that I don't know who her genetic mother is.

If you do want to consider it then I would advise that you all have some counselling from someone who is professionally trained to handle such situations. Using a surrogate/donor egg throws up all sorts of issues that you don't initially think about both emotionally and practically.

Have a look on the donor conception network, I am not sure if it has info on surrogacy but it will give info on donor treatment.

:goodluck:

with whatever you decide and I'd be happy to answer any general questions on having donor tx if I can help any further.

xxxx

Me - 40 AMH 1.79, DH - 45
TTC since 04/06
6 x TX to date, inc 2 DIVF in Barcelona
One early loss, 04/09
Freya Grace arrived on 6/11/10 - Perfect at 6lb and 1/2 oz

Amazing natural :BFP:

on 12/02/12
Poppy Ann arrived on 13/10/12 - Born at home weighing 6lb 12oz

We got there in the end! happydance

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optimistic2

MEMBER

Posts: 1,217

Reg: Oct 16th 2010

Location: Ayrshire

Children: 2 baby girls in heaven, 1 beautiful boy

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Very grateful lady

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Thursday, August 23rd 2012, 10:17pm

What did I ever do without this site. So much wisdom from all you lovely ladies.

I will speak to her myself first. I don't think she would cope with surrogacy, she has 2 gorgeous girls, and loves kids, I think she would struggle giving birth and not taking the baby home, and I know how it feels to give birth and come home with nothing so I just wouldn't go there.

The other option there is at my clinic is, she can donate the eggs, her eggs are given to someone else and I go to the top of their ED list. This was offered when we did the first ED cycle with my sister.

I have to let DH work things out in his head, I have planted the seed now.

My sister has told her she would have to go to the a councelor and she accepts this and her husband is apparently on board with this too.

I have thought about it not working, there are no guarantees with any of it but it's oh so tempting.

I have to be sensible about it all I know.

So much to think about and you have given me more things to consider my lovelies.

Thank you all so much for answering me, and caring blowkiss

TTC 6yrs

IVF Feb 2009 :BFN: