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  • "Shelley10" started this thread
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Sunday, July 8th 2012, 9:49pm

When did you try for another....?

Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong area, i've had a look through and couldnt see anywhereto put it.

I want to apologise for not being on here for a long long time, I have no excuses apart from running after my 1 year old!

I was just wondering if/when you tried/trying for another baby?

My son is a year old now and DH is asking me when I would like another baby (or at least try for one), for us to have another baby we would have to go through IVF again and I just dont feel like I'm mentally ready for that and I dont want to deprive my son of my time and energy while going through everything that needs to be done when doing ICSI.

Does anyone have opinions or anything relating to this, I would really appreciate some views or your own experiences of what you did or how you felt as at the moment I cant imagine when I would be ready...

Will I always feel like this? ?o(

gemmab

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Monday, July 9th 2012, 9:10am

Hi Hun,

This might need moving to the trying again section will check with the mods.

We started looking at options and costs once kj was a year old, I must say though I was totally mentally ready by then. We then started three months later but didn't get the bfp with Cobi till kj was nearly two. Kj was two and a half when Cobi was born and I love the gap but I do sometimes feel guilty that Cobi doesn't get the attention like kj got.

Could you wait till ollie will be in full time nursery when he is three? You also have to consider it might not happen first time this time. Also treatment will take you away from ollie for some periods of time.

There is a lot to consider and what's right for one is not always right for another.x

ICSI 1 Apr 08-m/c 9.5.8
FETJul 08-BFN
ICSI 2 Dec 08 (ES) -I'm a mummy Kaynan arrived 19.8.09! :heart:
ICSI 3 Dec 10 (ES) -BFN
FET Mar 11- BFP- M/C ;(
ICSI 4 (ES) -:BFP: 1.7.11 Cobi arrived 09.03.12 [zx160]
Egg donation Aug 2012 BFN for recipient- gutted
Egg donation Dec 2012 Recipient :BFP:
Egg donation 27.05.2013- not great - please pray for the recipient :dust:





  • "Shelley10" started this thread
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Monday, July 9th 2012, 9:51am

Hi Gemma,
Thanks for your reply. I didnt know whether it should go in 'Trying again' so thought I would play safe. I'll message a MOD x

DH would prefer for us to start sooner rather than later and I must admit we arent using any form of contraception anymore so we are seeing how things go natrually (but we only have about a 1% chance of it working without treatment). I do get a twinge of wanting when I see or hold a newborn and would love that feeling again but I think at the moment I want to give all my attention to O.
I am really aware of it not working next time and that it will probably range between 7-8k per attempt (if FET not available) and we are nearing the end of renovation of our house and it sounds awful but I would like to get as much done at home before going for treatment so that my DH doesnt need to worry about getting it all finished on top of supporting me and Ollie during treatment.

I dont want to upset DH but I need to make sure i'm ready as, unfortunately, there is allot I have to go through...... god I sound so selfish ;(

Rene

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Monday, July 9th 2012, 8:56pm

Hey, Shelley
When one is ready to try for another baby varies from person to person. Some have barely popped one out when they are on a quest to have the second, for others it may take a few years.

Fertility clinics advise at least 1 year after the birth of number 1 and (if breast feeding) number 1 should be fully weaned. For the sake of health, gynaes used to say at least 2 years between the birth of one and the conception of the next.

Generally, you are ready when you are ready. While clinics will not stop you from starting to try now, it is not going to do any harm to wait a bit longer if you are not feeling quite up to the stresses of treatment, especially if you both have your age on your side.

Good luck with whatever you decide...


PCOS, hypothyroid - on thyroxine, aspirin and Met
Lap/Ovarian Drilling Oct 2005
DIUI X5 + 2 abandoned cycles (total 7 cycles)
:BFP: 22 March 2006 - Connor Born 24 November 2006 - unplanned c-section
At 3 and a half C finally gave up the boob!

Gracie

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Tuesday, July 10th 2012, 6:35am

:hello:

We were going to wait until Freya was just over 18 months before going back to Spain for a FET as we figured she would be old enough and we would be ready to try again, if the FET hadn't worked that would have been it for us. However, nature decided for me so I'm going to have a two year age gap.

I would just be honest with your DH and see how you feel a little further down the line.

xxx






Me - 40 AMH 1.79, DH - 45
TTC since 04/06
6 x TX to date, inc 2 DIVF in Barcelona

One early loss, 04/09
Freya Grace arrived on 6/11/10 - Perfect at 6lb and 1/2 oz

Amazing natural :BFP: on 12/02/12
Poppy Ann arrived on 13/10/12 - Born at home weighing 6lb 12oz

We got there in the end! happydance

Dusky7

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Tuesday, July 10th 2012, 7:37am

Hi Shelley, it is so individual isn't it, you are not being selfish at all, just chat to DH and say you are not quite there but perhaps in six months or so...

I was ready after a year, it took another six months to persuade DH and then getting everything sorted etc, unfortunately it didn't work until our third FET so got a BFP when DD was 2 1/2, so she will be 3 1/4 when LO arrives. It's a bigger age gap than I had hoped but she will be at nursery for 15 hours a week then so I think it's a good age.

Wishing you lots of luck whenever you start xxxx

  • "Shelley10" started this thread
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Tuesday, July 10th 2012, 8:26pm

Hi All,
Thanks so much for your comments, I really appreciate them x

Rene, We are both only just 30 so I dont think waiting another 6 months or so would do any harm... hopefully not anyway. Thank you for the info xx

Gracie - Thats brilliant news, am really happy for you. I would love to be able to conceive naturally x I'm gonna chat to DH when he is on the right work shift so that we can sit and talk properly, then I can let him know how i feel.

Dusky - I really do think its an individual thing, one of my mummy friends is already pregnant after her first (her daughter will be 14 months old when thelittle one is born) and they were shocked as it was unplanned but said it was good as they didnt want a big age gap. I'm not too worried about an age gap tbh. I have my gorgeous boy and we have been really lucky to get him. I think I would love another child, just not right now, but I dont want to spend the rest of my life planning tx and DH having to work all the hours to pay for it so that we may/may not have another baby. I would rather see how things go and not stress about it. We have what we always wanted and I dont want O's attention to suffer because of trying over and over for a second.
Does that make sense?

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Tuesday, July 10th 2012, 8:33pm

We have been naturally trying for months with no luck and are going for FET in August. N turns 1 in August. At the moment I am feeling pretty chilled about it all because I already feel we have the icing on the cake. If we succeed again it will be amazing but if not we will have all the more love and attention to lavish on our little miracle.

It is so individual, so chat with your DH and decide what is best for you both. You need to be ready so it is less stressful.x x x

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Tuesday, July 10th 2012, 8:39pm

We posted at the same time! You are still young Shelley which is good. I am almost 35 and Dh 44 so we dont gave time on our sides hence the want to just get to it! Tell DH how you feel and maybe suggest holding off a year to see how you feel.x x

  • "Shelley10" started this thread
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Friday, July 20th 2012, 11:31pm

Hi AG,
thanks for the reply, I think if we maybe had the option of FET I may feel a little differently as it wouldnt be a full round all over again. I'm worried about my emotions going through another round from the beginning and also, having to go to theatre for EC.... Now I know how my mum felt when I had to have it done last time... I'm terrified in case something happens to me, it feels awful thinking about it :'(

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Sunday, July 22nd 2012, 2:20pm

Hi Shelley,

I was in the same situation as you are as we did not have any frosties (and unlikely to ever have) and I am also a bit worried about theatre.

As others said it is very-very individual when to try again and while some people prefer a smaller age gap others are quite happy to have the older sibling in nursery or school so that they can pay full attention to the new baby. In the end I think all parents are happy with what they have and it is up to us parents to make sure our little ones love and support each other with whatever age gap.

As for us we wanted another baby so badly (DH has two sisters and I am a twin) that we tried again quite soon which sadly did not work but our third attempt did and I am now pregnant with an expected 2 years age gap. It also helped me that DH has a genetic condition for which he has to have screening and treatment every year which includes theatre so I thought if he can do it every year I should be able to just that once. I still hated it though. Also DH is the most wonderful dad and if anything happened to me DD would be in excellent hands.

It is up to you when you try again and hope you can reach an agreement with DH as each other can be the best support. There are also other options. DH and I agreed that now we have one child and another on the way we will look into adoption. It might or might not happen but at least we want to know more. Now in this happy state I am also more open for another round of IVF/PGD (DH is quite against it at the moment though) although we still don't have any frosties left and were extremely lucky to have 2 succesul cycles so maybe I am crazy. Whatever we do we will do it a bit later.

Good luck!

xx Rianon

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Sunday, July 22nd 2012, 2:23pm

Forgot to add that if we could try naturally we would have a third one soon as well the added worry, difficulty and expenses of IVF makes it so much more complicated :-( I really feel for you.

  • "Shelley10" started this thread
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Monday, July 23rd 2012, 1:35pm

Hi Rianon,
Thanks for your reply x

Can I ask, did you need IVF or ICSI? Do you pay for your treatment due to your DH's condition or are you able to have it on the NHS? (Sorry if you feel its prying, please dont answer if you would rather not xx)

My DH has been prepped for bad news at work so everything is on hold at the moment which means babies too. The garden has a half finished patio, the living room is in a right state waiting to be plastered.... just got to wait and see what happens.
The tx costs about 9-10k per go so we only have enough for one, and I dont want to count on us being so lucky next time just in case it doesnt work.

I think at the moment, adoption doesnt feel right for me, im not sure of DH's thoughts on this as we havent really discussed it but I think we will definitely try for another at some point and if it doesnt happen then maybe look into other things later.

Your right, if we knew it would happen naturally, we would be trying now (which we are, just in case) but because we know we need treatment we have to think it all through and I need to be happy to go through all the stresses, pain, drugs, injections, emotional and physical stresses first.

Thanks for posting xxx

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Wednesday, July 25th 2012, 10:45pm

Hi Shelley,

We were lucky enough to have our first cycle funded but we paid 2nd and 3rd ourselves. I don't mind though for us it is more important than any other thing and our little family really makes us so happy. The price for PGD (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis) is even worse than normal ICSI (it has to be ICSI to make sure the embryo is clean so all the genetic material is coming from that one sperm and egg) but thanks to our lucky circumstances (we came from abroad so found very cheap shared house to live in first than very cheap flat when LO arrived) we were able to save enough in 3 years time so we had the money ready by the time we needed it. I know it is not an option for a lot of people already having mortgages and find it really unfair that IVF and ICSI are so expensive. My sister also offered to help financially and to be honest if we got there I would have accepted her offer and pay her back later when she needs the money but my DH really wanted us to be able to afford it.

With the emotional side we learnt a lot during this journey and for the 3rd cycle really wanted to make sure there is minimal disruption to normal life. We negotiated with our clinic to only go to London for a final scan, EC and ET (they don't actually need our presence for the genetic testing after EC) and had the monitoring part at a lovely local clinic. We were really lucky with them as they were within cycling distance and offerred appointments at 7:30 which was just perfect!! We kept telling them how grateful we are and they were shocked to hear that not every clinic offers early appointments. The nurses did the scans and blood tests and they were always on time as well I was usually out after an hour max or a lot earlier on blood test only days. This was especially important as our London clinic wanted me to have a scan every two days and a dlood test every day.

I really did not feel I was doing IVF the only hard part was after ET when I was not allowed to carry DD. I am not sure though how important this is after all the embryos are kept in place by hormones aren't they? But we did not want to regret anything so I restrained myself the first 2-3 days when DH stepped in a lot more even on my days but then went back to normal. She was 14 month old and just started to learn to walk so I did not have to carry her all the time. She also fell very ill during our 2 week wait and I of course held her little hot body to comfort her. I did put her down as soon as she fell asleep not to overheat our embies but she spent a considerable time on me. After all this we did not hold much hope but it still worked!!!

I really hope you can find an option which works for you and don't be afraid to be cheeky like us :-) Apparently we were the first ever couple at our local clinic to have monitoring for a UK clinic (they offer this option for clinics abroad) and our London clinic was also not happy to let us have monitoring elsewhere (they are great but a bit of a control freaks) but this was the best decision ever We also managed to save money as we didn't have to buy so many train tickets or pay for a London accommodation as we did the previous times.

Sorry for the long post I just really hope it helps you.

I presume you are self-funding as well so at least you can hopefully also choose a good and nearby clinic and thus have minimal disruption to your normal life. However having a similar cycle to the one which worked is also very important in my opinion. Our cycle 3 was the copy of cycle 1 and both worked.

xx Rianon

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "rianon" (Jul 25th 2012, 10:50pm)


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Wednesday, July 25th 2012, 11:05pm

Hi Shelley,

I checked our prices and it was 6k I am baffled as to why yours is nearly double?? At my clinic (which is a good one) you would be able to have two cycles from that money and that would give you a bit more hope.

How would you feel if you spent all that money, put yourself through a physical and emotional roller-coaster and it still didn't work? Was your little boy born from your first try or after several? Was your successful cycle promising for the future (e.g. pregnancy from single transfer, great quality embryos, great lining etc)?

I said I don't mind but my DH was quite the opposite as he feels responsible for our already existing daughter :-) I feel responsible too just not afraid to start from zero again and trust our families to help if we really need help. But luckily that was not needed. Our embryos were never great they somehow could not grow to blastocyst in the lab (not even the affected ones) but my lining was always great. We also had double transfer each time so out of 6 embryos during our journey only 2 took. First two were day-4 morulas, second two day-6 morulas and last two was a day-5 morula and an 8-cell embryo. In both cycles 1 and 3 one of the morulas had a vacuolum whatever that means. It must be something bad as the embryologist said "the clever little embryo grew cells around the vacuolum".

I don't really know why I said this all I wonder if other people twice lucky have some similarities between their 2 succesful cycles which would give you some hope?? I wonder if those had the same protocol at each lucky time?

xx Rianon

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "rianon" (Jul 25th 2012, 11:09pm)


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Wednesday, July 25th 2012, 11:11pm

Oh and Ollie's photo is lovely no surprise you don't want to be apart from him for a treatment xx

  • "Shelley10" started this thread
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Thursday, July 26th 2012, 11:56am

Hi Rianon,
Thanks for your posts xx
Ollie was a result of our first try and we had 2 (out of 6) 5day (8 cell I think) blasto embryos put back but didnt have any others that were good enough to freeze.

Our clinic is really good but not sure why its so blooming expensive, I would love to know that our savings could potentially pay for 2 treatments but going on how much our first treatment cost us it doesnt look like it will.

We have had a little set back this morning, my DH has had bad news at work and his shifts are being changed which means quite a big drop in money so I have no idea what is happening now. I feel like I want to cry because even if I decided that I was ready, DH wouldnt want to go ahead cos of his work situation. And it looks like i'll be going to find a job soon (gave up my job to be a full time mum) to try to make up the extra money that he will be losing. Everything seems to be going wrong lately ;(

Thanks for your posts and I hope that one day, when we decide to go ahead, we get the result we are after.... a BFP please!!!!

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Thursday, July 26th 2012, 12:20pm

Sorry about the bad news at DH's work... Your cycle sounded perfect to me you might be able to book a review appointment to discuss your options to know what to expect when you are ready and might be able to ask about prices too. Good luck with job hunting I am a part time mum and loving it xx Rianon




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