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Jasper

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Friday, December 10th 2010, 7:34am

What do you say when people ask when you are having baby number 2??!!

I keep restarting this post as I don't really know what to say!!! I guess I just want to hear about other peoples experiences and ideas on how to answer the question " When are you having another?", when all you want to do is scream at them IF ONLY IT WAS THAT EASY!!!! I am really suprised how often the conversation moves on to baby number 2 considering LO is only 4 months, my NCT friends are already planning when to start trying. All of my friends know about our journey which is why it surprises me that they ask so often. I have been saying that I don't want another LO but I think it is because I am scared that I won't be able to and scared that I can't cope with the rollercoaster ride all over again, although I know that it is completely worth it! Especially as DS is lead on the bed next to me all snuggled up in his Grobag, snoring quietly and looking like the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen.



I can't beleive I am even having these thoughts so soon after having DS but people keep mentioning it and yesterday I received the invoice for our frostie which stirred up lots of emotions. The letter talked about donating the embryo for research or donation it to another couple which really suprised me but I guess it is just a standard letter and some people have lots of frosties after their family is complete. Does this rollercoaster ever end!!!!!????


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Feb 15 Shock BFP (8 o)

Pootle

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Friday, December 10th 2010, 12:20pm

Hi, and congrats on your little boy.

Its a tricky one - I did a lot of umming and ahhing and not really answering, tried the whole 'we're just enjoying DD1 for the moment' and then eventually came clean and told everyone who asked that we'd love another child but things weren't happening so we were going to have/having fertility treatment. Most people were really lovely about it and I felt better for being honest!

Hope you have a lovely christmas with your new little one.

x






My family is complete...I am grateful every day

DD1, natural miracle, 2005
DD2, IVF miracle, 2008


Flic

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Friday, December 10th 2010, 12:32pm

Hiya,

Whenever people ask I just say exactly that 'If only it was that easy.' I just tell them I have PCO and that DD was my little miracle. They're usually lovely then. If they keep going I then proceed to tell them how horrible tx was and how horrible my birth was and that I'm not having anymore! (Occasionally get my stomach out and show them my war wounds!) Usually they shut up after that.

I found like Pootle that being honest was the best thing for me. That way I don't get worried or stressed out about it afterwards.

I think its such a tough decision to make after having tx and such a personal decision too.

:cuddle






Our miracle was born on 25.02.2010!!



bubble

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Friday, December 10th 2010, 1:36pm

I don't know - I wish I knew what to say :sadface:

In one of my groups of 6 friends, 4 of them are pregnant. They all have LOs the same age as mine. I find that really quite hard. All of them have fallen pregnant very easily, some on the first month of 'trying'. When DD was first born they all assumed that I'd be the first to have another, when in fact I'm likely to be the last, if we are that lucky. My answers to people range from 'I can only cope with one daughter like this (she's a bit mad!)', to 'not yet, I don't have the energy' to 'we're perfectly happy with the one at the moment' and more recently to the more honest 'I hope we can be that lucky one day'. But like you've experienced, even those who know that we had difficulty conceiving continue to ask and make suggestions.

What bugs me more than people continually asking is the fact that everyone has an opinion on the 'perfect' age gap. Or even worse, that having one boy and one girl is the 'perfect' combination. To be able to plan to have babies a certain time apart must be amazing. And as for the boy/girl thing, well I'm pretty sure that most of us on here just want a healthy baby/babies, and don't care much beyond that!

I think as well for me, like you said, its the thought of that rollercoaster again. It's not just making the decision to try again and then have a new baby - it's the whole journey that goes along with that - and the potential disappointments.

Sorry, not much good advice there but take it from me, you're definately not alone in your feelings!

x

ttc since July 06. 8 cycles of clomid. BFP on cycle 5 (Dec 07) ended in m/c at 9.5 weeks. Second BFP on cycle 8 (May 08)




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Friday, December 10th 2010, 5:52pm

I had the same letter regarding our frosties, Im due in 1 week following a BFP from FET

My hubby said he didnt want to keep the frozen ones as we have been lucky enough to get a positive earlier this year but I cant concider getting rid of them in any way. We had a discussion and I was honest in that I feel we went through so much to get our frosties, and you just dont know how feelings will change in the future. Hubby would be happy with 1 child wheras I would like more children (more discusions needed between us regarding this!!). We decided to keep our frosties for another year and obviously we need to discuss things then

As for other people asking us about the next bundle of joy I just always says that we feel blessed to have this baby which was a miracle in it self, and I just leave it at that
:cat:

1x IVF zero fert, 2x ICSI BFN, 1x FET BFN, 1x ICSI early loss

March 2010, FET , :BFP:, we have a little princess x

Jasper

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Friday, December 10th 2010, 8:28pm

Thanks everyone, it's nice to know I am not alone. I guess, stupidly, I don't want people to feel awkard when I tell them its not that easy to have another. I was chatting to my SIL and we were saying how its expected that you will have atleast 2 children, why is this??? And as Bubble said its seen as perfect to have one of each, at the moment just having my DS seems more than perfect to me. If I could conceive naturally I think I would be able to answer the question much easier with a simple 'not for a couple of years'. I'll try the honest approach and see how many people squirm with embarassment wishing they hadn't asked!!!! xx


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Monday, December 20th 2010, 8:44am

You would think that some people would be more sensitive, especially if they know about tx etc. I seem to have people telling me left, right and centre about somebody they know who had tx then went on to get pg naturally, I would give anything for that to happen but I am not going to hold my breath. Why do they think taht this will help me or make me feel better?

It must be so nice to decide to have a baby and then be able to just do it, it's something that most of us here will never experience and everybody else takes for granted, I just wish that they would appreciate how lucky they are.

blowkiss


IVF #1 2008 :BFP: William born 15/2/09
Our 6 yr TTC journey WAS over
Shocking natural :BFP: Charlotte born 10/9/11
:happy: Our family is now complete :happy:






Ginger74

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Monday, December 20th 2010, 9:12am

I tell honestly that I had problems TTC DD and I want so much second one and God willling this will happen, usually the fact that it was so hard with DD makes people to understand and NO I didn't tell anybody except my closest family how hard was to get DD WHEN I was TTC, nobody knew, we told DH family when I was 6 months pregnant! so really I feel I already did my best and if they don't understand this or being stupid or anything like this - THIS IS THEIR PROBLEM! But really ladies, don't you feel the same? It is their problem IF they can't get it! Def not mine! I had so many rude people in my life asking, really.... this is their problem (but of course I cried and was very upset... when stupid question was asked....)

sorry I feel a little bit... just got my a/f when I was thinking I am pregnant............ luck and babydust to everybody......

Feb 09 God's Miracle - Natural BFP.
Sept 09 Thanks to God - Scrumptious baby girl is here. Please grow healthy and happy.

This post has been edited 3 times, last edit by "Ginger74" (Dec 20th 2010, 9:19am)


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Monday, December 20th 2010, 9:31am

I find the honest approach is best as well, hardly anybody knew about our issues before I became pregnant with Aiden, I didnt really like discussing it but then during the pregnancy I got the "are you sure you're not having twins" or "are you sure you're not further on" on a daily basis so eventually I just bluntly told them that it was IVF and could tell them to the second when I became pregnant and had seen little one quite a few times so was sure was only one there! Now when people ask me whether I'll have another one, I just say if I'm lucky but if not then so be it, i've got my gorgeous little boy and feel blessed to have him. As for the frosties, we received the same letter and me and DP had a similar conversation. I couldnt bare to destroy them, maybe if they were just eggs or sperm but as embryos I feel they are mini Aidens. Nick seems to be happy with the idea that we'll try again in a year or so but we'll see when the time comes, i'm hoping to start when Aidens about 2, guess i'll have to start saving! xx
Cheryl
1st ICSI blessed with Aiden Reece Parkin born 01.01.10

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Monday, December 20th 2010, 9:33am

You would think that some people would be more sensitive, especially if they know about tx etc. I seem to have people telling me left, right and centre about somebody they know who had tx then went on to get pg naturally, I would give anything for that to happen but I am not going to hold my breath. Why do they think taht this will help me or make me feel better?


Oh how annoying is that. I know it's hard to comprehend if you've not been through it, but everyone has an opinion don't they. And they all think they know the situation better than you do yourself!!

Although I didn't tell anyone when I went through my original treatment, I have been quite upfront when people have asked. When they say "are you trying for number 2", I've told people that DS was ivf and if we want another one we'd have to save up!! For some reason financial difficulty shuts them up! :snigger:

No one really knows that we've just gone through it again though.


2nd ICSI Nov 2010. :BFP:

1 previous successful IVF with ICSI (taken to blasto stage)
Resulting in my gorgeous son born 04.01.09

Setting out on a second IVF journey - Diary


mrsjasper

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Monday, December 20th 2010, 10:07am

One of my previous suggestions as a response!
What business is it of theres anyway? Oh and they always feel the need to ask about my contraceptive arrangements too. P'raps I should arrive at work in the morning and announce 'Had a sh*g last night everyone, so I'll let you know if and when my period arrives.'

Jasper

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  • "Jasper" started this thread

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Monday, December 20th 2010, 11:02am

That made me laugh MrsJasper, I think I will start saying that!!!! lmao


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Monday, December 20th 2010, 3:11pm

we had our 1st natural miricle after trying for 3years or so!! so when people ask when were having number two i used to say we are trying but was told we couldnt have any with number one so not holding out much hope! normal people would get bit upset by this as they thought they had upset me!!! hahaha well that stopped them asking didnt it!! hehehe but we now have number two on the way after 5yrs and our 1st icsi cycle but have no frosties and could not afford treatment again so if anyone asks me this time when we are having number 3!!! i will say never!!! we have our two miricles and can afford another thanks!! think that will shut them up haha

enjoy every momnet of your LO they grow so fast xxx
TTC 4years for 2nd

ME 27 DH 38 me

DH very low [zx151] 11 counted in total :(

1st ICSI nov 2010 :BFP: 1 [zx076] seen at 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 22 weeks, 32 weeks, 36 weeks

bab21

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Wednesday, December 29th 2010, 10:28pm

Hi Jasper!
We have had the same question asked many times already too and it does get quite annoying X( We have only told our parents that we had ivf so when my sister asked if we would be having any more I wasn't sure what to say. I have told her that we were ttc for 3 years before I became pg so we might not be able to have any more and her response was that whatever we did obviously worked so it should happen again!!!!! As she doesn't know what we have been through I have to forgive her as she wasn't being horrible but it still gets frustrating X(
I would like to think that we would have another at some point but as we only had the one embie, unless we can conceive naturally then we will have to start saving! :whistling: Not ready for all that tx again just yet :S
xx

Oct/Nov 09 - 1st IVF :BFP:
Jan 2012 - Short Protocol ICSI :BFP:
7 wk scan 2/3/12 One [zx076] seen

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Sunday, January 2nd 2011, 3:44pm

We were told at the time of ET with Annalise that we had 4 embies to freeze and we are hoping to try again with them soon.
Afew people have mentioned on here the conversation we have, or should I say the sermon we receive from others about people needing treatment and falling pregnant naturally. Although they think they are being helpful, these people really annoy me and I should really just have a tape recording ready to play back to the next bugger that says this to me/us, about how it is not possible and that they should stop talking.
I have always wanted a big family and from when A was born, I wanted another. It frightens me that it might never happen again and once the frozen embryos have been used, that would be it and that decision frightens me as it is so final but one we all have to face at some stage or another. Those who are not in our positions can often say they are not having any more but can change their mind at any time.
I also answered a thread recently about this and even those who have already decided not to have anymore feel the effects of infertility long after they have had their wee one.

I thought when I got my dream come true that that would be it but we are all human and it's only human to want more than one child. I now find myself feeling guilty for wanting another child - does anyone else feel like this too?



2nd ICSI March 2009 :BFP:
4 Top Grade 1 Frosties in Waiting for next time!
bab21
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Sunday, January 2nd 2011, 7:18pm

I feel guilty about wanting another child, I wish I didn't have that burning desire sitting in my heart to have another, but I have. I think it's natural, and doesn't mean that we aren't totally in love with our babies and aren't grateful or that we don't realise how luck we are!

I recently was asked by an old uni friend was i planning more children, I told her in great detail in an email all the tests we were going through.....she hasn't replied. People shouldn't ask if they don't want to hear a nice answer!

Have you got a date to start treatment Lisa?

Beautiful boy born in January 2007
TTC second since March 2009
Luteal phase defect - 4 rounds clomid
BFP 14.2.2012 - 2 beautiful heartbeats seen EDD 22nd Oct - Its a boy and a girl!

  • "angels&babies" is no longer a member of FZ
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Children: Annalise Joy Morrison born December 2009 from 2nd ICSI.........4 Snow Babies on ice,x

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Sunday, January 2nd 2011, 11:01pm

Thanks Runningmum, We had hoped to start early this year but I'm waiting to have my gallbladder out so it has to be after then that we try again. I also have a bit of weight to lose first too. How about you? I see you had some sad news yourself recently. Have you any plans to try again?



2nd ICSI March 2009 :BFP:
4 Top Grade 1 Frosties in Waiting for next time!
bab21
My Diary





Tracy m

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Saturday, January 15th 2011, 9:44pm

after reading all of the above i had to laugh, we have all had these questions asked by people

who think its sssooo easy to get pregnant,we on the other hand have to live with people telling us

how good it would be for our children to have a sibling when really you just want to shout dont you think

i bloody well know that.thanks ladies got that off my chest.x :cross:

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Sunday, January 16th 2011, 2:56pm

Hi girls,
Hope you don't mind me butting in...it just feels like this is a thread I can completely relate too. I have always been pretty honest about my situation...the difficult ones to answer are the people that I don't really know very well, or more the people to whom it would be inappropriate to tell... My dd's school teachers for instance. Last week my dd's school teacher made another comment about how dd would love a sibling...when is it going to happen? I had to set her clear - and say unfortunately as much as we have wanted and tried, it is never going to happen....so please stop putting these thoughts into dd's head. Get this, last year dd came home from school saying that the teacher had told her to tell mummy she really wants a little brother or sister!! I don't hold any bad feelings for the teachers, although it was inappropriate - but it's just their ignorance that is making them say these things, not malice. Fortunately all my friends and family know our situation so they just reiterate to me the importance of having No 1 and that if No 2 were to come along, it would just be the icing on the cake...the cake we have already got. I don't regret having been open about our txs - I think it has made it a lot easier with regards the question of No 2. My dd would have loved to have been a big sister and I have no doubts that she would have been a wonderful big sister - that is my only sadness. I am already thinking about when it will be appropriate to explain to dd why she has no siblings.. and why I always call her mummy's little miracle!

Jan 05:BFP:
2007 - 2010 - 7 x :BFN:
DD 5yrs Old - Time to [zx103]





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