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  • "mima08" started this thread

Posts: 221

Reg: Apr 17th 2010

Location: London

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Monday, April 19th 2010, 9:45pm

using a sperm donor?

Dear all
I am brand new to FZ and tried to find people who are going down the sperm donor route. I had a look at other threads, but wondered if someone is in the situation where they decided to go down the sperm donor route and are now wondering if it is the right thing to do?
My lovely partner had a vasectomy 12 years ago and I knew from the moment we got together that having biological children would be difficult. I am now starting IVF treatment and we discussed options a lot but he felt worried that a) because of his age (50), even if there was sperm, it may not be very good quality and b) there is a small history of mental illness for children born to older cousins (2 of). I was always totally happy about the idea of using a sperm donor until I actually got a form with the criteria for a possible donor. It just feels really weird - how will we feel if (when xfingers ) we have a baby and family & friends will try the "spot who the baby looks like" etc. I know it sounds really silly and DP tells me not to worry as he doesn't really get the importance of genetic linkage anyway (he's got 3 older children from a previous marriage) but it would be great to hear from others in a similar situation and maybe share some thought / how you feel?

Sorry for the long waffle! :O



    United Kingdom

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Tuesday, April 20th 2010, 9:51am


I hope you like it on here, we have very friendly and supportive members that are sure to make your TTC journey that little bit easier, I hope you feel right at home with us all soon.

We have quite a few members who are using/have used donor sperm, one of our team actually has beautiful twin boys via donor sperm and another has a beautiful boy! I will drop them a note and ask them to come by and say hi, in the meantime here are some links that you may find useful.

There is an abbreviations section HERE so you know what we're all going on about.

There is a ** GETTING STARTED - FZ FACTS, TIPS & HELP ** thread HERE this contains everything you need to know about getting started on FZ and a few guidelines too.

There is a ** NEW TO THE SITE? A BIT LOST? POST FOR HELP HERE!!! ** thread HERE where you can post any questions you have about how to use the site, a team member will answer you as soon as possible!

There is a how to search thread HERE so you can get the maximum benefit from the forum.

There is a donor chitter chatter thread HERE which is where a lot of people that have donor sperm or eggs hang out.

There is a cycle buddies section HERE so you can get to know others having TX at the same time as you.

There is a 2WW section HERE and a 2WW CHAT thread HERE so you can compare every twinge and symptom with everyone else.

There is a clinic feedback & chat section HERE so you can look up your clinic and ask others any questions about it.

And finally!! Have you seen that lots of our members have fancy names in their signatures? If you’re interested in having something similar it’s really easy to do. Have a look HERE to choose a style. If there isn't one you like there, let us know the kind of thing you'd like and we'll try and create one for you.

Because the running of the site completely depends on the kindness of our members, we ask for a small donation in return for a signature name, which is explained HERE. Hang around a bit and get to know us before you decide if you'd like to support us!

If you have any questions about anything, just ask. :smile:

Wishing you all the luck in the world with your TTC journey, I hope you get your BFP soon!!



Posts: 5,851

Reg: Oct 25th 2007

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Tuesday, April 20th 2010, 11:56am

Hey Mima

Hello and a huge welcome to FZ! You have certainly come to the right place and I hope you feel at home very soon. As Eeyore said I have the most beautiful twin boys who were concieved using donor sperm, going down this route was the best decision we have ever made. I know where you are coming from and in the early days I did have a few wobbles but once you get on the 'Trying To Concieve' rollercoaster it all seems to pale in to significance. Once you are carrying a little bundle of joy it really doesn't matter how they got there, just that they did get there!

As for the boys looking like DH, all I can say is that in their own way they do. They are only a year old but they have picked up his expressions and mannerisms already. My friends who know about our story can't believe how they do actually look like DH and people who don't know are always commenting on it. I used to wonder how I would cope with these comments and didn't want to lie, but it's all quite natural to be honest. When people say they look like DH I am genuine when I ask 'do you think so' they both have a look of my dad about them and so if people ask who they look like it's easy and truthful to say my dad.

I was also a bit concerned about how DH's family would be with them being that they are not genetically his but I shouldn't have worried one little bit, they all jumped in to the roles of Grandparents, uncles and aunts etc and adore the boys almost as much as I do!

Have you had a look at the Donor Conception Network? The message boards are very very quite but there is a lot of useful info and success stories on there. I hope I have given you an insight in to donor conception but I don't want to bamboozle you and so please give me a shout if you want to know more!

Good luck

3rd IUI - 08/08/08 - tested 22/08/08 BFP :D
Scan 09/09/08 - 2 [zx076] [zx076] TWINS!
2 beautiful boys born 16/04/09

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Tuesday, April 20th 2010, 12:10pm

I cannot give you any advice about the sperm donor route, but I am in a similar position to you. My DH had a vasectomy around 10 years before we got together and a reversal failed. My DH is 56 but we were never told that there were likely to be sperm quality issues. The sperm was retrieved surgically and, as you will see from my ticker, we are expecting twins in a few weeks time. I would not say that having ICSI and sperm retrival is an easy option and it took us 3 attempts (2 fresh cycles + FET) but it was worth it. Our clinic was extremely position from the outset and there was never any suggestion that our position was hopeless and that we should look at using donor sperm.

If I were you I would keep all my options open and explore surgical sperm retrieval as well as donor sperm. Your clinic should be able to check the likelihood of your DP producing sperm by a simple blood test to check his hormone levels.

Good luck whatever you decide.
Newly Wed

ICSI December 2008 - chemical pregnancy
ICSI May 2009 - BFN
FET September 2009 - BFP
Beautiful twin girls born 30 April 2010


Lone wolf

    South Africa

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Tuesday, April 20th 2010, 2:24pm

Hi, Mima
I had treatment with donor sperm as I am single. For me it was a fairly simple choice and one that I would definitely make again if the opportunity arrises. :D
For me there is no issue about whether my little man looks like his father as everyone knows that I had an anonymous donor but I do have a good friend who has conceived twice using anonymous donor sperm - 2 different donors. Anyone who does not know that their father is not their genetic father can "see" the resemblance they bear to him. This is because the clinics try, as far as possible, to match the donor as closely as possible to the male partner in height, build, colouring.
In my case everyone comments on how much my son resembles both me and my brother - that he looks like the younger brother of my nephew - I asked for a donor that was similar in height and colouring to the men in my family so that the child would be the odd one out in the group.
Good luck, Hun - may you have a short and happy roller coaster ride...

PCOS, hypothyroid - on thyroxine, aspirin and Met
Lap/Ovarian Drilling Oct 2005
DIUI X5 + 2 abandoned cycles (total 7 cycles)
:BFP: 22 March 2006 - Connor Born 24 November 2006 - unplanned c-section
At 3 and a half C finally gave up the boob!

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