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kimtia

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101

Monday, May 11th 2009, 9:55pm

Janine

I've heard your interview but sorry I don't agree with your comment "I'll have to leave my husband "

Again I don't mean to offend you but I am with my partner for life, through thick and thin, I have no plans to leave him because we can't have a child together, this is our journey together with each other.....I'm sorry but leaving my DF is not an option !!

Didn't mean to offend but your comment shocked me, it really did.

What if you do get IVF tx and IVF doesn't work.......would you still leave him ?

Me and DF (soon to be DH) want to to start IVF no4, if that doesn't work what do I do leave him ???

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102

Monday, May 11th 2009, 10:07pm

Hi Janine
I must admit, I agree with Kim on this point. I think you were very brave to go on the radio and I completely back up your cause to fight for funding for couples regardless of one person's past. I have also signed your petition.

However, I don't believe it helps this cause by stating that you want a baby so much that you would leave your partner to get it. When I got married, I took my vows to stay with my DH through thick or thin, better or worse, sickness or health (and that includes fertility health). He promised the same and (thank goodness)would not dream of leaving me because I may not be able to have his child.

I want to wish you luck with your campaign, and sincerely hope you're relationship is strong enough to get through this difficult time.

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103

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 6:09am

Hi Ladies

No thats fine this is a forum where ecverybody can speak there mind! I am not offended so no worries.

I also took those vows not knowing that we experience all these problems. His past life (ex) has caused so much problems in our general life over the years i could write a book and still i dont think people would believe some of the stuff that has been going on.

I know this is no excuise but i dont know if i am strong enogh to fight for the rest of my life. And i did say if it ever come to thinking about i would have to weight up all options. Possible child and peace or no Child and nothing but hassle. His past life has already played such a bit roll in our relatioship that us not getting this treatment dues to his past i am being denied this treatment whihc is to me just the icing on the cake and i dont know how much more of this i can take.
If we do have treatment and it doesnt work then at least he wasnt the person who was stopping things moving for me. As his health is fine so it would be me whihc is complete different situation. Like i said i would have to weigh up the options

You also got to bear in mind i am here in the uk with no familie and friends as my whole life is in germany all i have is his familie abd his phsyco ex making problems.
Not easy i can tell you that there isnt a should to cry on when jason isnt around and a telephone call to mom and friends is not the same. Plus i try not to cry my mom would get really worried not knowing if everything is ok

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104

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 7:49am

Quoted

Originally posted by ukprincess
Hi Ladies
You also got to bear in mind i am here in the uk with no familie and friends as my whole life is in germany all i have is his familie abd his phsyco ex making problems.
Not easy i can tell you that there isnt a should to cry on when jason isnt around and a telephone call to mom and friends is not the same. Plus i try not to cry my mom would get really worried not knowing if everything is ok


I know how tough that is. My DH is not English and all his family are abroad. I worry about him not having people he can talk to easily. TTC can put an enormous strain on a relationship. It's not easy and I do sympathise. Just try and take one step at a time with it all. Sometimes relationships can come out of these situations stronger. xx

twinkletoes

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105

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 7:54am

Hi there uk princess, sorry but i have only just heard your interview and i too can understand where you are coming from on certain aspects but other issues i can not understand, as i have 2 beautiful step children and wouldnt if i'm honest change them for the world, I too have had the Ex from hell, but if i'm honest this has brought me and dh closer together, we are now about to embark on ivf no 5 which is all paid for privatly as obviously cant get free tx because of his children, but i can assure you i dont blame dh for any of this, the problem is with me not him, and just because he has children i wouldnt dare think of leaving him so i can have free treatment, but I suppose everyone has their own opinions and if this is yours then so be it, but i sincerley hope you and dh remain together forever, and this doesnt come between you.

Wishing you all the luck on your campaign
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106

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 7:59am

Quoted

Originally posted by ukprincess

If we do have treatment and it doesnt work then at least he wasnt the person who was stopping things moving for me.


But HE isn't the person stopping things moving for 'you' right now? The PCT are stopping things moving for you BOTH.

So many of us here are married to men who have ex wives (the mental and the non-mental variety) and children, I am one of them myself and I can honestly say that I've never even considered not being with him because of a funding issue, just as I can't imagine that he would walk away from me because I can't give him OUR child.

I hope you don't mind me saying this but it sounds to me that the funding isn't the only issue? His ex is always going to be there, if you do or don't get treatment, she is always going to be the mother of his daughters and if her causing problems is putting a strain on your relationship then that is a totally different situation and a different set of facts to weigh up.

As far as I understand it, the PCT is in the process of changing the rules Nationwide, so that treatment is offered if the wife doesn't have children, hopefully it will be a matter of weeks rather than months before you hear the outcome.

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107

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 8:09am

Thats what i have been hoping for years that it will strengthen the relationship, but there is only so much a relationship can take. Also thought that his past life (ex) Would eventually stop but no end in sight and almost went back to my family in germany once as she just causes so much trouble between us that its times made me sick and depressed and then you gotta think is this really worth it.

Just to show you what she is like she flouded the house just before the sale of it and she knew we needed the money for our wedding and deposit on our new house.

When jason was in the army and we were in germany she ran loads of debts up in his name on a mother care card and various other. We almost lost our house due to these factors as it all came out in his credit report with defaults. We then had to approach these comapnies and i paid all the debts of on my credit card but they still wouldnt removed the defaults. i battles 3 month with them arguing that we can proove we werent even in the country and that i want to see all receipt that were signed to proove it wasnt him. It went that far that they said the only way we could have it removed would be to report her to the police for fraud. Whihc we didnt want to do as we are nice people.

And these are just little things there have been far worse thing over the years just so u have an idea of what i am dealing with and now somebody tell me they would cope with all that and more and not think of leaving their husband due to his past life interfering again for a much easier option when you been going through hell all these years.

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108

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 8:15am

Hi Eeyore

I appriciate what you are saying and you are right the is not just an issue of funding there is alos the strain on our relatioship.

There is no doubt that i love him and he loves me. But when you been through so much crap and get hurt over and over and over again and always when you think your one step ahead only to be thrown back 3.

I am not asking for any sympathy but i have suffered these last years due to everything going on and you get to a point where just simply dont want or cant fight anymore and go for the easy option!

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109

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 8:26am

Quoted

Originally posted by ukprincess

I appriciate what you are saying and you are right the is not just an issue of funding there is alos the strain on our relatioship.


I think the problem is, that this obviously wasn't (and couldn't be) put across on the radio. Therefore, it rather sounded that you would leave your husband simply "to GET a baby".

I don't know how much prep. you did for the interview, but if you do another one, maybe just sit down and write a bit of prep for it? I find things like that very nerve-wracking and it's difficult to think on your feet sometimes, especially when put on the spot. You could always run possible answers by somebody on FZ if you wished.

But well done again for your campaign. I don't want us to lose site of the issue here in amongst all this relationship chat! I really do hope they change the funding criteria sooner rather than later!

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110

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 8:29am

Hi Twinkletoes

Thanks for posting. I also love my stepchildren to bits there is no doubt about that. And if it was up to them they would want to live with us. They have told me on many occasions that they love me and that they wish i was there mom as step moms are supposed to be be horrible and wicked and i am not but there mom is.

And loads of other thing how she treats them. I have on sevral occasions called social servises but nothing has been done.

As you can see there is loads more to it

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111

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 8:34am

Hi Calypso

It went all quick yesterday they contacted me called me again to give me details of the studio and off i went. it was all very quick. An i cant tell you how nervous i was i forgot all the things i wanted to say and they only come back to me afterwards when i stopped shaking back at work.

I hope i havent offended anybody and make them feel bad if so i do appologise as this was not my intension

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112

Tuesday, May 12th 2009, 10:00am

I have signed your petition and emailed to all of my email contacts

x

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113

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 12:21pm

Hi all

My husband just called me at work the News of the World have been to the house to see if i am interested in a storey with them and they are will to pay for it too. Everybody at work had been saying i should be getting paid by these peopl, but i am not bothered about that just happy for them to be interested really.

News of the World how scary is that?


Other than that i dont think there is more to report. Was on front page of my local news Paper and there is going to be a article about my Petion in the Shropshire star today and its on beacon radion and there website too. So its all go at the moment.

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114

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 12:30pm

Hun

All I can say is be very, very careful with the News of The World. If they can dig up any angle on the story, like talking to DH's ex-wife, they absolutely will and the last thing that you need is more upset.

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115

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 12:42pm

I agree with Eeyore. And also be careful about how they try and portray you - as a lady that wants a baby. Think about how soap operas represent ladies who have fertility issues. The News of the World dont' shy away from stereotypes!

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116

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 12:51pm

thank you all for your advice. dont know what to do know. Should i see what they want first or should i deny it straight away? Am confused now. It did say in the letter they dropped through door that it would be in the paper magazine the fabulous one. would that make any difference. And the woman who came she has been through the same apparently. Or is it all lies to get to me?

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117

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 1:03pm

I think if it were me, I would be very very cautious indeed about what it is THEY want. They wouldn't be interested in you if they didn't think it would sell papers.

Remember - they are not doing this out of any concern about fertility issues. They are in the business of selling newspapers. So you need to stop and think what sort of spin might they put on your story that will jump out at readers and appeal to the general nosiness of the everyday man in the street.

It's entirely up to you whether you do the interview or not. But if you do, make sure that ..

A) You are clear about what YOU want out of it, and remember you are the voice of thousands of others going through similar funding difficulties.

B) You are not rushed and allowed time to prepare

C) If possible, obtain the questions in advance and answer them in writing rather than being recorded. That way you have a record of the answers you gave. This would hopefully give them less opportunity to misrepresent you.

I'm no expert on publicity at all, and this is just what I would do. Eeyore will be able to advise further, I'm sure.

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118

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 1:12pm

Thank you for the adivice. I shall speak to them and find out what it si they want as you said and then i can still decide what to do.

Yes you are right i am representing a lot of people and i wouldnt want them to turn things around after all the super media we have already had x

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Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 1:17pm

Please be very, very careful - the second you speak to them they have the right to quote you. *if* they are going with any kind of story about the ex-wife, and you say you don't want to talk to them after you've questioned them, they can twist that around very nicely.

My question would be, do you really think that the News of The World is an ideal platform for your campaign?

Do you really want to run the risk of reading a headline on Sunday morning along the lines of 'Women's fight for tax payers money to give her a baby by a man who has alreay dumped his two daughters' THAT is the kind of story that News of The World want. You know it isn't true, but it's how they write things.

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120

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 1:33pm

E, you are right...the news of the world arent the type of paper that write nice things or helpful things usually are they?, they will do anything to sell papers, no matter how it effects the people they are writing about. i wish you all the luck in the world ukprincess... i hope you win this fight.



k xxxx

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121

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 7:05pm

hello sweetheart,
I am agree with all laides in here, you must be very carefull becouse as all they say , they are interesting to do a business and they wount care about your feelings .
Just wait and see what the out come will be from your privious interview and from NHS.
keeping everything crossed for you and wish you all the good luck in the world.
love.xxxx

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122

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 9:06pm

They lady has emailed me and they want me to go exclusive with them am so confused

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123

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 10:18pm

Hi Janine,

I agree with the others - you need to seriously think about what they want to do it for. Coz I'm guessing it won't be to help you. Like the others said, it'll be to sell papers.

I suggest you think about what you want out of this campaign. Then think about what you have said on all your radio interviews and other published reports on your situation. Then think about what they may ask you. You need to think about how you would feel if they bought DH's ex into it and interviewed her as well. What would that do to your relationship and stress levels.

They may pick up on the fact you mentioned in 2 radio interviews that you would be willing (albeit a last resort) to leave your DH in order to have a baby. This could put a completely different focus on the story and mean that the real message is forgotten.

This is a major thing in your life atm and the PCT have said that they're reviewing the policy regarding IVF cycles. You may have done all you need in order for them to change it.

The news of the world is NOT the sunday telegraph and could put a different slant on your situation.

This is a decision that only you & Jason can make. I hope that you make the right one and that it works for you, no matter what you decide.

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124

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 10:29pm

my main worry is the fact they have said they will pay you!

my concern is for you and i have recently had alot of dealings with the media and would only talk with people that i feel will give the cause the attention that it requires. i have not been paid for any of the interviews i have done

news of the world is a tabaloid and you must be aware of the type of paper it is!

i know what i would do

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125

Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 10:34pm

Quoted

Originally posted by ukprincess
They lady has emailed me and they want me to go exclusive with them am so confused


What are you confused about hun?

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126

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 7:43am

But shouldnt i also be worried what they will write if dont talk to them?

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127

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 8:00am

Quoted

Originally posted by ukprincess
But shouldnt i also be worried what they will write if dont talk to them?


With no interview they would be hard pushed as they would have nothing to spin; no story, no characters for their readers to enjoy and nothing to quote. So, in answer to your question .... nah!

They'll just go off and find another local newspaper story to make some kind of sensationalist mountain out of!

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128

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 9:19am

Quoted

Originally posted by ukprincess
But shouldnt i also be worried what they will write if dont talk to them?


UKprincess, if they don't talk to you they have no story so they wouldn't write anything. I really hope you reconsider this with NOTW, they really aren't a decent paper.

Can I ask you something? Are you thinking if you get paid for this interview it could pay for your treatment ? Is this why you are so unsure about what to do? If it is I understand and so will all the ladies on here, it might feel like the answer to all your problems.........but you have said many things about your DH's EX and I am also concerned that they will twist your story and you will end up with more problems to deal with.

I hope it all works out for you, whatever you decide xx

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129

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:07am

It not that much money and wouldnt pay for my treatment anyhow and i am not in it for the money. I mean i done all my other things without even hesitating or even concidering being paid for.

I am traying to make a statement for evenryone in my situation and not just for myself and to try and change things and make a difference

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130

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:17am

Quoted

Originally posted by ukprincess
I am traying to make a statement for evenryone in my situation and not just for myself and to try and change things and make a difference


go to another paper then or this could back fire against the cause and i know you wouldn't want that

at the end of the day it is up to you but have you ever read something sensible in the NOTW?

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131

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:17am

just one more thing, how do they know about you?

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132

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:26am

i am in touch with a very good press officer and i could ask their advice if you want?

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133

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:29am

Its not going to be in the NOTW Paper its self its supposed to be in the Magazine inlay which is called Fabulous.

I have only briefly spoken to them cause when they called i was driving so they have emailed me and asked for me to get in touch if interested. Which was yesterday and havent been in touch yet so havent ask the question as to where they know about me.

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134

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:31am

Oh Karl that would be very kind of you. My Hubby said we need to seek somebodies advice. As they are all coming fast and thick not that i am complaining but as everybody says you got to be careful.

And we dont have any sort of knowledge in those sort of areas i am just a down to earth normal person who has never had any dealings with press prior to this.

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135

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:33am

don't agree til i get back to you ok?
it might not be til tonight

how did they get your phone number

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136

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:37am

How Did they get my address?? All these guestions unless one of the Papers i went to or Radios have passed it on?

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137

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:38am

another problem arises that is you speak with them exclusive you can not talk to anyone else and hence this will reduce you spreading the word

I can see the money would be attactive but if it is going to effect your life and relationship a small amount or even a big amount isn't worth it

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138

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:41am

i doubt they would have

i got spotted on the tv and my local paper looked up my phone number, everyone can be found

did they say would the story would consist of?

when i did the BBC news by friend who worked in the media phoned me after i sent her a text saying im gona be on tv advising me NOT to talk to anyone of camera without legal advice as they can cut and edit how they please, same goes for newspapers, once i said it was the news she stopped panicing

what you are trying to achieve is a really good thing BUT don't let them turn it in to something it is not. who else have been in touch?

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139

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:43am

That is correct and like i said teh money is the littlelest ot my worries.

Excluisve yes i do understand what they mean by that but then on the other hand i have already done quite a lot on got all the thing s i wanted so far published and into media so dont think there will be more for me to do anyway at moment in that way also its only until they have published it or not thats how i understood it anyway from the email she sent

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140

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:44am

would you pm me the email?

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141

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:46am

Hi Ukprincess

I think you have been amazing with all you have done throughout your campaign, you must feel like your under a huge amount of presure at the moment especiially with what to do with NOTW.
Am i right in thinking you have only told us lot in FZ about the problems with your hubby x? I know you said on radio that you would leave hubby but you didn't say about the X on radio did you (sorry i never heard the interview)?
They all right about NOTW they write any crap that prob only includes a tiny bit of what has actually been said. I klnow you say it will be printed in the mag not the paper but i would say the same happens in that too. Its not worth risking all that you have done already.
Wait for Karls fab advice from the very good press officer he knows.

I have an nightmare X who has done exactly what you said your hubby's X has done, which has affected our lives a lot and put a lot of presure on my and DF's relationship, thankfully he has not left me, if you left your hubby then his X will have won and you both love each other so why should you really hurt yourself and your hubby because f his evil X!

:goodluck: with your campaign.

Take care.

Anita :xxx:

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142

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:48am

The independent. I have already been with Telegraph two local papers BBC radio 5 live, bbc Shropshire, beacon radion and they have all been very good so far.

As far as i understand it would be an interview about our storey and a photo shoot

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143

Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:53am

hunni they are not going to print the same story here

the press officer i know has said

It's difficult Kara, but I think you have summed it up by saying that you know the kind of thing that they print. She will get publicity but not perhaps the right kind, there is always the chance that she will get a lot of negative publicity from the general public who, as you know, feel that IVF shouldn't be on the NHS anyway, and it may or may not be an accurate portrayal of her story.

Only advice I can give is to ask to see the copy before it goes to print and to perhaps write down the main facts of her story to give to them to try to ensure they do get it right.

I would be very careful about publicising her case if I were her in this way but ultimately it is her decision.

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Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:55am

this is what she sent before i realised you said you would leave your hubby on the radio

would they be willing to email you all questions before you decide?

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Thursday, May 14th 2009, 11:09am

I do not have a clue as i havent spoke to them yet this would all be things i would have to ask

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Thursday, May 14th 2009, 11:19am

well good luck with whatever you decide and if you do the interview i hope it doesn't undo your and other people good work regarding funding

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Thursday, May 14th 2009, 2:54pm

Just catching up with this

I have to say, it sounds as though you've decided that you want to go with the newspaper.

A few things to think about;

1. It's the NoW, it's NOT a 'news' paper, it's a tabloid piece of crap that prints nonsense

2. It's not the kind of publication to give any weight to the funding issue that so many women are fighting, it will do more harm than good

3. It's too late to pull out once you've spoken to them

4. Once you spoken to them, you will not be able to speak to any further creditable newspapers

5. You 'may' get a decent story, it's a risk I wouldn't care to take. Why? Because my DH also has a fruitcake of an ex-wife who wouldn't think twice about picking the phone up to the newspaper if I did the same thing and give her side of the story. Trust me, if that were to happen, you can't begin to imagine how much it would destroy your life, not to mention the real funding issue

6. It's MUCH better to be safe than sorry and the ONLY thing you can be sure of is your life would remain unchanged if you DID NOT do this

I think many of the girls here have advised quite strongly that you don't do. Personally, I have 20 years PR behind me and the NoW was never on my list of good journalism, it was only ever on my list of stories to take to court.

Taking my personal head off and putting my site head on, if you do this interview I ask that you in no way mention this forum.


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Thursday, May 14th 2009, 3:19pm

I wouldnt do that anyway and never have done in any others.

I havent decided on anything Hubby and i r gonna discuss this in lenths at the weekend and do some research on it.

Just to clarify its not the NOTW its the Fabulous Mag that comes with the NOTW and when going on there web site you can actually see they do real life stories and not in a bad way at all.

Still this does not mean i am going to do it.

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Thursday, May 14th 2009, 3:21pm

The fabulous mag is just a magizine inside the NoW, printed by the NoW and written by the NoW, given out with the NoW to all of the NoW readers.


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Thursday, May 14th 2009, 3:32pm

The Fabulous Magazine is compiled by the by the same trashy journalists for the same *Ahem* "readers" as the NoW! Therefore the same style of unintelligent reporting will be used.

Issues like this need to be reported with proper research, statistics and experts chipping in. It needs to be intelligent, insightful, sensitive and objective. The NoW are none of these things.

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