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mrsjasper

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1

Friday, April 24th 2009, 9:12am

Things they don't tell you about parenting

Things they don't tell you before you get pregnant!

This was such a good thread, I thought I'd start a similar one here.

*babies pretend to be dead. There are 2 theories on this, one is that when they are tiny, their respiratory centre in the brain is still developing so their breathing rate can be a bit erratic, but my own theory is that the little buggers do it on purpose to scare the pants off mum and dad.
*babies know a surpirsing amount. They know when you are about to eat a hot meal and start crying, they know when you are having a sit down and they start crying, they know EXACTLY how to wind mummy up and daddy round their little finger from the moment they are born.
*they produce far more snot than you could believe possible. In fact if you compare the amount of liquid you put in, with the amount that comes out of their nose, it doesn't add up, they must lay down stores of snot during pregnancy.
*washing breeds. You can empty the washing basket in the evening and wake up in the morning to it overflowing again.
*ditto ironing.
*kids TV is surprisingly entertaining. You will find your self staring happily at ITNG long after your child has gone and is crayoning the walls in another room.
* brightly coloured red and blue plastic toys which have been specially designed by very clever psychologists are not as interesting to your child as expensive delicate electronic things like phones and cameras, or dangerous things like knives, or messy things like soil and the contents of the bin!

Anyone got any others?





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2

Friday, April 24th 2009, 1:06pm

Fab idea for a thread :D

* That poonami's (say it outloud) are capable of going through vests, babygros and snowsuits.
* That two spare babygros in your change bag is sometimes not enough
* That grandparents will insist on buying sickly pink outfit after sickly pink outfit (so you rebel and dress them in red and blue when you visit them!).
* How easy it becomes to watch shite TV at 3am in the morning with subtitles
* That you'll get addicted to Australian soaps

ttc since July 06. 8 cycles of clomid. BFP on cycle 5 (Dec 07) ended in m/c at 9.5 weeks. Second BFP on cycle 8 (May 08)




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3

Friday, April 24th 2009, 2:45pm

* That by the age of 2 your toddler knows far more than you about EVERYTHING (according to them!)

* You should never keep a pen in your house once they become interested in drawing. No matter where you put pens they get found and then your house is their canvas!

* Food isnt something you eat - its something you squash, roll, cover your face and body in and occassionally throw in a temper

* No matter how good their vocabulary is, there are times when the only word they use is "MUM" repeated again and again and again and again and again
Me 33, DP 32
TTC for 3 years.
HSG showed 2 blocked tubes.
Lap and dye August 05 unblocked both tubes. :D Hurrah!!!! :D
Natural BFP 05/06/06

My beautiful baby girl was born 2 weeks early on 3rd February 2007

After many up's and down's we're back and ttc naturally in 2013!

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Saturday, April 25th 2009, 10:10am

They can tell you the same thing 50 times in about 1 min

They are grasses if xxxx does something naughty you can be sure certain toddler will not beable to resist telling an adult with GLEE!

You learn to judge their mood and act accordingly, I swear girls come out women and so it's quite easy as a woman to judge "how they are feeling" :rolleyes: :D

Learn to except they will only wear a certain outfit day in day out then could change their mind like the wind be prepared, this also includes cups, plates ect it has to be RIGHT!

Have eyes in the back of your head.

As a parent nobody tells you when they might decide to come out with the one word you tried your hardest not to say infront of them- in context and really loud in a silent room with lots of old people looking on :O

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Sunday, April 26th 2009, 4:02pm

That it's impossible to get out of the house before 1pm.

That there will be muslin cloths all over the house yet nobody will have any idea which ones are clean and which are dirty (or perhaps that's just in my house :snigger: )




ICSI May 08 - BFP
Our beautiful baby girl was born February 2009
Jan 2010 natural BFP M/C 9 weeks
May 2011 - BFP
Baby boy born Jan 2012




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Sunday, April 26th 2009, 6:35pm

That one day they will come downstairs wearing your new tshirt and your Ugg boots

..... and look better in them than you!

humph





mrsjasper

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Sunday, April 26th 2009, 7:50pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Michelle
That there will be muslin cloths all over the house yet nobody will have any idea which ones are clean and which are dirty (or perhaps that's just in my house :snigger: )


And your in laws will think its highly bloody amusing to make endless 'jokes' about Muslim squares which are bordering on racism.

That when you are 2 years old, wellies are the BEST thing in the world. In fact I would recommend that as soon as your child can walk, you get a pair for them and a pair for you so you can still get out of the house when its raining.





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8

Sunday, April 26th 2009, 8:31pm

That once you make a statement about anything whatsoever the content of that statement becomes immutable for illustration:

Me: the beach is this way
Plum: is it mummy?
Me: yes it is sweetheart, oh err, actually no it that way, silly mummy
Plum: no mummy its this way
Me: no darling its this way
Plum: no silly mummy its this way

and on and on and on :rolleyes:

Oh and apparently a book bag is the correct place to dispose of unwanted crusts.







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Monday, April 27th 2009, 8:04pm

That from the age of 13 they turn into unrecognisable beings from another planet and their vocabulary now consists of grunts and "I hate you"
Me 34,DH, 32. DD15 from prev relationship. Scan 9/07 showed 2 [zx076] [zx076] My perfect little ladies arrived healthy 7 weeks early on 18/3/08 weighing 4lb 8 and 3lb13...Love my three pinkies

:girl: :girl: :girl:


mrsjasper

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Monday, April 27th 2009, 8:18pm

I have already started looking at teenage boys and thinking 'OMG she might come home with someone like that one day'.





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Monday, April 27th 2009, 8:37pm

I don't even want to think about it! I just read my old diary from 16 years ago I shuddered the whole way through!

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Monday, April 27th 2009, 9:00pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Lexie
That from the age of 13 they turn into unrecognisable beings from another planet and their vocabulary now consists of grunts and "I hate you"


And have the ability to bankrupt you with a mobile phone bill, which incidentally NEVER includes a single text or call to you!

that your expensive anti wrinkle creams just 'poof' disappear, only to be found in their make up bags.....gone!!!!
2 gorgeous girls and 1 on the way

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Monday, April 27th 2009, 9:03pm

Quoted

Originally posted by philippa_s

And have the ability to bankrupt you with a mobile phone bill, which incidentally NEVER includes a single text or call to you!


Oh yeah, when you put £20 of credit on and they get 600 free texts you expect more than a 'Hi x' when they go away to Grandparents for a week!!!

....and then there's text speak which I've just about had ENOUGH of! X(





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14

Monday, April 27th 2009, 11:23pm

That its bloody hard work! :rolleyes: :D

And gone are the days of walking out the door with just your mobile,car keys and handbag,now its a military operation!

Me 41,dh 38.
First Ivf 2004 BFP,M/C at 9 weeks.
Second Ivf BFN.
Third Ivf no eggs fertalised.
Moved onto donor egg treatment in Spain.
Second cycle BFP!






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15

Thursday, April 30th 2009, 4:04pm

That some people (the man who just came to the door) will ask whether it's a boy or a girl despite them being dressed top to toe in pink :rolleyes:

ttc since July 06. 8 cycles of clomid. BFP on cycle 5 (Dec 07) ended in m/c at 9.5 weeks. Second BFP on cycle 8 (May 08)




Soooz

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16

Thursday, April 30th 2009, 4:38pm

that u become aware as they age of ureself aging too :cross:
:flowerbasket:

Proud mum to two sons - natural unexpected in 1999 :8o: and ICSI in 2004 : D

We must let go of the life we had planned;
to have the life waiting for us

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17

Friday, May 1st 2009, 9:28am

That when you've not saw your little one for more than 24 hours you feel like part of you has been amputated and when you see them next its the best feeling in the world :bawl:
Me 33, DP 32
TTC for 3 years.
HSG showed 2 blocked tubes.
Lap and dye August 05 unblocked both tubes. :D Hurrah!!!! :D
Natural BFP 05/06/06

My beautiful baby girl was born 2 weeks early on 3rd February 2007

After many up's and down's we're back and ttc naturally in 2013!

mrsjasper

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18

Saturday, May 2nd 2009, 8:45am

That you will feel guilty, all the time, about absolutely every little thing. But you learn to liv ewith it.





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Saturday, May 2nd 2009, 10:01am

That an entire weekend can be taken up with the birthday parties of children that your own child barely knows. That you will spend the best part of thirty quid on presents in one weekend, have to draught in extra drivers to get each child to the right party at the right time and that a minority of parents treat parties like a competition, having them further afield, for longer and the going to the most expense.

Bells, parent of a child who has travelled two towns this morning to attend a six hour birthday party for a 'friend' that she dislikes and who has asked for "anything as long as it's expensive" as a present

humph

Off to buy more wrapping paper!





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20

Saturday, May 2nd 2009, 10:17am

Did she really ask for any present, as long as it's exspensive?
How rude.
I can already understand why you don't like her Bells.

xx

LAURA
28.05.10 My miracle son Harry was born 5 weeks early, by c-section lurve


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Saturday, May 2nd 2009, 2:21pm

Yep, word for word. She's, shall we say, a 'privileged' child ...... :rolleyes:





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Saturday, May 2nd 2009, 7:43pm

That babies have a 'special' food storage facility... in their necks!
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Saturday, May 2nd 2009, 10:01pm

:snigger: these are so true

here are another couple
* books are tasty, according to my friends LO
* they get to a stage when everything you say to them is met with " Why ?" followed by numerous repeats of " but why ? "
* you know all the characters in tweenies/ teletubbies/ In the night garden etc
* When they go to school they turn into teenagers overnight, i mean full on hands on hips attitude
* They try their best to get you arrested or investigated by social services by saying really bad sounding things infront of room fulls of strangers ( or in the middle of the shopping centre has always been a favourite of Isla's, i swear she is going to get me lifted one of these days :rolleyes: )

nic xx

mrsjasper

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Sunday, May 3rd 2009, 9:33am

That you become an expert at mending most things from pop up books to 'mysteriously' sluggish toilets (baby wipes are better in the bin!). This is a useful talent until your child expects you to mend a popped balloon and has absolute hysterics when you can't.





mrsjasper

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Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 10:35am

That within 24 hours of giving birth, about 8 people will have asked youif you want any more!

And after 20 hours labour, birth, a massive bleed, drips, a night with no sleep etc... you will have a shower and feel immensely proud of your achievement and then your good friend will arrive at hospital looking effortlessly glamorous and make you feel minging all over again! It WAS lovely to see you though Bells!





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Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 11:35am

I very much doubt that you looked minging!

So, do you want any more? :snigger:




ICSI May 08 - BFP
Our beautiful baby girl was born February 2009
Jan 2010 natural BFP M/C 9 weeks
May 2011 - BFP
Baby boy born Jan 2012




mrsjasper

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Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 8:13pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Michelle
So, do you want any more? :snigger:


:swear: off!





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Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 8:13pm

pmsl




ICSI May 08 - BFP
Our beautiful baby girl was born February 2009
Jan 2010 natural BFP M/C 9 weeks
May 2011 - BFP
Baby boy born Jan 2012




Chilli

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Wednesday, May 13th 2009, 9:41pm

lmao blimmin slim good looking friends they should stay away! :D

or.....your mother visits sits own and tells you how tried SHE is and proceeds to eat all the food you brought for yourself to build up your strenght because in actual fact YOU are bloody tried and nobody has the right to be more so! :rolleyes:

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Thursday, May 14th 2009, 10:13pm

your friends !! say things like
* you look tired - well duh
* god it's hard work ( after watching baby for an hour ) - again with the duh
* they sleep lots don't they - no they bloody well don't !!!!

your gran says things like
* that's not what we used to do
* we used to lie them on their tummy
* we used to stick a wee whisky in the bottle if they wouldn't sleep
and many others that we don't do to their standards X(

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Friday, May 15th 2009, 7:20pm

* how big your heart can expand so much it feels like it is bursting with love when you look at your child(ren)

* there are days when you secretly hate the word "mum" and days when you want to hear it more

* you can have fresh poo, fresh wee, fresh vomit and wet breast milk stains on your clothing at the same time - it is possible

* you never expected to say "JJ please dont hit your brother over the head with the hammer"; "PP let go of your brother's neck he cant breathe"

* you learn to answer the "what's that?" game with the wrong answer so that they laugh and tell you the answer themselves

* you too have to ask an adult why the moon doesnt fall down (DH reckons the moon is always falling down but it just keeps missing the earth.... I personally think this is a bit of a scary concept for a 3 year old)

* you realise that men putting their hands into the insides of their trousers truly is an XY chromosone thing (watching a 3 yr old and 2 yr old asleep with their hands down their underpants)

* you know that the answer to "why dont you have a willy?" "because mummy is a lady and ladies and girls dont have willies" is not going to cut the mustard soon......

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Sunshine" (May 15th 2009, 7:20pm)


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32

Friday, May 15th 2009, 7:21pm

* that a 3 year old can be condescending

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Friday, May 15th 2009, 7:33pm

rotf

you start sounding like your own mum, saying things like
* if you don't stop crying i will give you something to cry about ( when crying for no obvious reason )
* get it picked up or it goes in the bin
* stop scuffing your feet
* stop picking your nose
* get your hands out of there

mrsjasper

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34

Saturday, May 16th 2009, 1:36pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Sunshine
* how big your heart can expand so much it feels like it is bursting with love when you look at your child(ren)


Blub!





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Saturday, May 16th 2009, 3:31pm

That, after encouraging them to speak properly (remember those first words?!), spending years explanding their vocabulary and teaching them how to be clear and conscise with the spoken and written word... you log onto their MSN and it takes you an hour with your head cocked to one side to decipher what the hell they're all talking about!!!


!(~~Ellziewellzie iz ma bezzt fwend n so iz C,L,B,J,L kk xx ** OMG! My bro iz srsly buggin meeeee!~~)!



SPEAK PROPERLY!!!!





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36

Saturday, May 16th 2009, 3:33pm

rotf that is bang on bells.... just loving that - gave me such a laugh and nodding me head at the same time

thx xx
:flowerbasket:

Proud mum to two sons - natural unexpected in 1999 :8o: and ICSI in 2004 : D

We must let go of the life we had planned;
to have the life waiting for us

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Soooz" (May 16th 2009, 3:33pm)


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Saturday, May 16th 2009, 3:39pm

DD didn't sign out so I keep getting MSN messages on my laptop and honestly, I'm spitting blood. I have such an urge to reply and correct them!!

One message is 'Mah Besstesst Gurls r xx xx xxx xx xxx n I luvs U allllll'

For goodness sake. It's easier to write My Best Girls .xx xx xx.. and I love you all!!!.. THERE ARE FEWER CHARACTERS!!!

X(

...and text messages that just say 'Ye xx' or 'Kk xx'

aaarrrrrrrgghhhh!!!!! :cross:





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38

Saturday, May 16th 2009, 9:59pm

But.....despite all the above we will all melt when they utter the words "I love you mummy, you're so pretty" :D

( even if an hour earlier he had spread pva glue beautifully all over the playroom floor.....)




This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Rose" (May 16th 2009, 9:59pm)


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Saturday, May 16th 2009, 10:39pm

ive just read this whole thread and nodded and laughed all the way thru! there are way too many to quote and agree with, it has made my night! i am not alone!!!! yehey! :D

. when your baby says 'mommy okaloka bardabardis gardis bwakkeeeeeeeeee' means he wants to play on a blanket in the garden with bob the builder and his helecopter :D



I'm running down the road like loose electricity, while the band in my head plays a strip tease!



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40

Saturday, May 16th 2009, 10:46pm

one of the best feelings in the world is when they are lying sleeping on you ( Isla did this today, head on my lap and conked out. she was soooooo cute !!! )

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41

Saturday, May 16th 2009, 11:43pm

...That you need to own shares in Duracell as every toy consists of about 10 batteries which last a day and then you never quite get round to replacing them.

...That Nursery Rhymes become your second language

... That most toys are noisy with the same repititive sounds
Me 34,DH, 32. DD15 from prev relationship. Scan 9/07 showed 2 [zx076] [zx076] My perfect little ladies arrived healthy 7 weeks early on 18/3/08 weighing 4lb 8 and 3lb13...Love my three pinkies

:girl: :girl: :girl:


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42

Saturday, May 16th 2009, 11:47pm

That you'll find yourself telling your child off to prevent someone else doing it, even though you don't really think they've done anything all that wrong in the first place. Thus making yourself feel like crud.







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Saturday, May 16th 2009, 11:53pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Lexie
...That you need to own shares in Duracell as every toy consists of about 10 batteries which last a day and then you never quite get round to replacing them.


Offtopic Threadjack - :innocent:

The Poundshop/Poundland do huge packs of Hyundai batteries which last ages and are MORE than adequate for children's toys. I have a pack of each type in the drawer and no longer have to re-mortgage my house every time the girls get given a toy that requires the equivalent of the National grid to set its lights spinning and whirring.





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Monday, May 18th 2009, 9:35am

Quoted

Originally posted by Rivka
That you'll find yourself telling your child off to prevent someone else doing it, even though you don't really think they've done anything all that wrong in the first place. Thus making yourself feel like crud.


Yes yes yes I do this.
Me 34,DH, 32. DD15 from prev relationship. Scan 9/07 showed 2 [zx076] [zx076] My perfect little ladies arrived healthy 7 weeks early on 18/3/08 weighing 4lb 8 and 3lb13...Love my three pinkies

:girl: :girl: :girl:


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45

Monday, May 18th 2009, 3:02pm

Thank goodness for that Lexie, I thought it was just me there! I blame me mother, she drummed the Ps&Qs into me too strongly. Its always the mothers fault wouldn't you agree :snigger:







mrsjasper

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46

Monday, November 2nd 2009, 3:31pm

That you will log oonto Next's website and find yourself looking at the childrens clothes, not just before you look at things for yourself, but actually INSTEAD of!

Or worse, you get Next vouchers for yourself and can't find a thing you like and end up spending them on childrens clothes, promising that you will get yourself something with the equivalent amount of money but you never quite get round to it.





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47

Wednesday, March 3rd 2010, 8:40pm

Having a child opens up a portal between your house and a parrallel universe. Small items regularly flit between the two universes meaning sometime you can find them and sometimes you can't. This applies to baby socks (which NEVER travel in pairs), scratch mits, hair clips, toy cars, and I imagine progresses to include things that really belong to mum like make up and items of jewellery.





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48

Wednesday, March 3rd 2010, 8:50pm

...Yes, sometimes they just don't turn up!! Despite searching under chairs/sofas/tables etc, some toys/bits of toys/puzzles etc never turn up!!....though last week we did find a book that H lost last summer....when dh had to pull the washing machine out!

....Have to admit to something I did today, that I'm sure I'd never have done pre H and L....got home, they are both asleep, and want to try and get them into the house still asleep! have bags/wellies (been to the farm), and two cars (neighbours cars), both parked but left a too small gap on each side, for me to squeeze in by my house. Well, one of them came out, and I was feeling quite irate (not a successful outing to the farm!)....and I found myself getting out of the car, asking them (politely, and saying please and thankyou!) if they could move their car up, so I could park near to my house, to get H and L out! They did, but I sat in my car thinking 'Can't believe I asked them'... I never do things like that, normally just mutter under my breath!

xxx



<

mrsjasper

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49

Thursday, March 4th 2010, 8:45am

I know what you mean Compley, you get very brave on their behalf don't you? I am extrememly non confrontational and would much rather mutter under my breath than actually complain about something to someone's face, but when it comes to my kids, I have to speak up.





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Posts: 6,061

Reg: Apr 30th 2006

Children: DS and DD

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Thursday, March 4th 2010, 8:08pm

Absolutely Mrs J, I really am one of those people who doesn't always pluck up the courage to say how I feel, then come away thinking 'why didn't I speak up!'...had a bit of a time of it with the pre school H is starting in the autumn, long story about allocating places, well I couldn't believe how outspoken I became, and how I was determined to get it sorted for him! Happily, it's all sorted, and he has got his place, the sessions we wanted, and the same days as 2 of his friends, (Us Mum's met at antenatal class, so it's nice that almost three years on they will be starting preschool together).



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