You are not logged in.


Unread posts

Dear visitor, welcome to FertilityZone . If this is your first visit here, please read the Help. It explains in detail how this page works. To use all features of this page, you should consider registering. Please use the registration form, to register here or read more information about the registration process. If you are already registered, please login here.

  • "cazzmo" started this thread

Posts: 2,934

Reg: Oct 10th 2005

Location: Wales

  • Send private message

1

Thursday, February 26th 2009, 7:43pm

So upset....

Well ladies, it's that time when I was kinda getting psyched up for ttc'ing and using my 8 frosties to hopefully get pg through fet.
No mean feat as I have to come off tablets etc, and we kinds decided xmas time to have our family holiday in June and decide what to do after that.

But... my dh has since said after chatting he doesn't want another :bawl:. Says he feel she doesn't want to go back to that baby stage again. I am gutted. I am upset, hoping he'll change his mind although I really can't accept that that's final.

If I had no embies I'd be happier to accept we have our beautiful boy and I'd be so grateful ( I am truly ) But we've spoken for 18 months + my whole pg about how we'll try again, chosen names and basically talked about how work fits in with school and a new baby etc. It's not even the money apaprently as he thought that was an issue although we both earn enough.

I just don't know what to do. I can feel resentment bubbling within me that my son might not have a sibling and we both did so have fantastic memories of growing up with a playmate/companion.

Also what's getting me down is that the last ISCI was so gruelling. I went though a very painful egg collection, accupuncture and very near OHSS and to get A plus 8 frosties and to hope to never have to do that again was a huge deal. I really couldn't go thru that again. I gave an overwhelming sadness that my embies are there waiting for me and I'm letting them down. My mum was gutted when I told her too.

To be honest, we're not using any contraception and although we're not ttc'ing we're not careful although after 5 yeats ttc'ing let's face it it's not going to happen naturally. If he's not happy to have another child, why is he getting my hopes up, in that I did fall pg, well it was kinda planned??

I'm all over the place, I go from not talking to him to trying to be normal to putting a brave face on. ;(
I'm just gutted for A, I really didn't want him to be an only child. I feel as though he's grown up so quickly, if I knew he was my only child I'd have hung onto him being a baby more.

My heads just buzzing with it all. I keep thinking if he relents and we did get pg, it'd be a baby he didn't really want. That's no way forward is it?

Has anyone been in my situation. ;(

Caz x


Me 39, DH 39 ICSI Nov '06 BFP

FET Dec '10 - ET Dec 16th - Test Day 31/12/10





csam

Star

    United Kingdom

Posts: 1,520

  • Send private message

2

Thursday, February 26th 2009, 8:31pm

RE: So upset....

Quoted

Originally posted by cazzmo
Has anyone been in my situation. ;(

Caz x


I'm in the same situation Caz :sadface: Therefore I can only offer support and no advice.

The only thing different in my situation is that Dh has always said "only one baby", I just always hoped he'd change his mind.

I'm always around to chat Caz, but hopefully someone else will be a long soon to help, but I really do know how you feel :sadface:
It's really eating me up actually.

I am and always will be eternally grateful and feel truly blessed to have M, but still I find it hard knowing I won't have another baby.

As I said if you want to chat, you can always Pm me.

Take care

xxxx

Posts: 3,006

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: Scotland

Children: Max born March 07 - thanks to frozen embryo transfer, our little miracle

  • Send private message

3

Thursday, February 26th 2009, 8:52pm

Oh Caz what an awful situation to be in I honestly feel awful for you. Do you think perhaps its the reality of getting ready for another "treatment" thats hitting him and he is just not thinking straight? Perhaps he just has bad memories of all it took to get you first baby and does not want to go through all that. I know when we decided to go for another icsi dh took cold feet over the whole thing again and it took a good few months for him to come round.

I think at very least he could agree to go for an app at the clinic to discuss fet, its far easier than icsi and at the end of the day he needs to remember how quickly that baby stage goes and in the end that crying screaming bundle turns into a wonderful boy or girl. How can he deny you both that for the sake of a few months hard work with the baby stage? Im angry on your behalf and i dont know i could cope with it knowing i had 8 embies sitting waiting.

At the end of the day though if he is dead set you have to ask yourself if you can cope with that decision and live your lives together without resenting him. If im honest im not sure i could.

It may just be a knee jerk reaction from him but you guys need to talk seriously about this sweety. xxxxxxxxxxxxx


5 x ICSI b.f.n
1 x FET resulting in my gorgeous son born 2007

Posts: 1,149

Reg: Jul 21st 2006

Location: cumbria

  • Send private message

4

Thursday, February 26th 2009, 9:02pm

Hi caz

sending you and csam huge grouphug :hugs: grouphug

i am sorry your partners dont feel the same way as you do about having another child, it must be really hard

All i can advise caz is to keep your embies in storage for a while longer in hope your dh might change his mind
have you asked him what he wants to do with the remaining embies if you dont use them ?(

My dh and i have decided to donate our frozen embies, would this be an option knowing you have helped a couple have a family
If donating isnt an option for you and your dh, then you really need to agree on what you both want to do with them
Your dh might even change his mind if he thought about the options

give him time hun, men dont like to be rushed into things
ME 32, pcos, DH 47,
DH had Tese tx Jan 06
IVF/ ICSI July 06 ,
30 eggs collected, 2 transfered,
Had OHSS and OMG, :BFP:


kar1

MEMBER

  • "kar1" is no longer a member of FZ

Posts: 12,830

  • Send private message

5

Friday, February 27th 2009, 9:54am

oh hunnni i am sorry you really need to tell him your feelings as resentment is a bad bad thing
TTC 12 years

2 early losses

lots of ops and tx

both tubes removed

5th fresh short protocol
:BFP:

Tyler May born 5/5/2010 by emergency c section. Tyler is our sunshine

Posts: 1,665

Reg: Oct 3rd 2005

Location: Stroppyland!

Children: DS Born 2002 / DD Born 2010

  • Send private message

6

Friday, February 27th 2009, 1:49pm

Hi Caz

I went through the exact same thing with my DH, DS was quite a hard work baby and it really did take its toll on us hence DH swinging between wanting a second and then being adament that he didn't.

In the end I realised that putting pressure on his wasn't going to work so I gave him the space he needed, made him realise when visiting friends with babies that he was good at being with them and let him come to his own decision. We will end up with a bigger age gap when it does work for us (PMA) than we hoped for but I'll still have a sibling for J.

HTH
xxx

Me - PCOS
DH - Poor Motility & Morphology........
ICSI 2001 - DS / 2009 - DD - Our family is now complete :) :)







  • "cazzmo" started this thread

Posts: 2,934

Reg: Oct 10th 2005

Location: Wales

  • Send private message

7

Friday, February 27th 2009, 7:42pm

Thanks ladies
I feel a bit better today. No big discussions but think I've learnt not to push/nag and he'll come round. We've been out for tea with A tonight and he was a dream and I told A infront of DH to keep being good to butter daddy up to give us what we want. My Dh smiled so I think it' s case of leaving him stew until after our holiday. We've not had a huge discussion about it and I think when we do it'll be differnt. For me, him saying he wasn't sure etc was a knee jerk reaction to write what I wrote. He's a fantastic dad and loves A sooo much I think knowing A would love a sibling will come through in the end. Like you say men need to be eased into these things. Doesn't help that friends of ours had a very difficult second child and DH grew up knowing his parents had his younger sister who was the same. I think he feels A has been so good and so easy that we're bound to have a difficult baby too.

Glitzy, I feel like you said knowing I have 8 embies sitting there waiting for me is too much to bear. I am hoping he'll come round. We always said we'd decide Xmas time but to be honest I wasn't ready then, so we said right June we'll decide what to do so it's my own fault for bringing it up ( again ) I'll leave him think about it but quietly plant ideas into his head so that when he makes his mind up he'll think he did it all himself. :innocent:


Me 39, DH 39 ICSI Nov '06 BFP

FET Dec '10 - ET Dec 16th - Test Day 31/12/10





Posts: 3,006

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: Scotland

Children: Max born March 07 - thanks to frozen embryo transfer, our little miracle

  • Send private message

8

Friday, February 27th 2009, 7:49pm

Thats my girl!!! Give it time Im sure all will come good in the end xxxx


5 x ICSI b.f.n
1 x FET resulting in my gorgeous son born 2007

compley

Megastar

Posts: 6,056

Reg: Apr 30th 2006

Children: DS and DD

  • Send private message

9

Saturday, February 28th 2009, 7:23pm

Caz, big :hugs:

I was really sorry to read this thread, and really feel for you. This must all be very difficult for you, and is bound to bring so many emotions, feelings and thoughts, and though you had decided to wait until after your holiday, to discuss things, you had thoughts about a FET etc.

It does sound like your dh has alot of mixed feelings about it, and from your 2nd post, it sounds like maybe he does need a bit of time to 'stew' and think things over, and possibly now it has been brought up, he will give it some more thought, and sometimes, I think men can start at one standpoint with something, and given a bit of time to mull it all over, they then change their feelings, and come round to thinking 'yes, actually, I do want to do that'.

I really, really hope this does happen for you and dh, and wish there was more I could say, but if you ever want to chat, I'm always here xxx



<

  • "cazzmo" started this thread

Posts: 2,934

Reg: Oct 10th 2005

Location: Wales

  • Send private message

10

Sunday, March 1st 2009, 2:19pm

thanks hunni, ithink we're getting somewhere but trying not to push him at the mo


Me 39, DH 39 ICSI Nov '06 BFP

FET Dec '10 - ET Dec 16th - Test Day 31/12/10





donz

MEMBER

  • "donz" is no longer a member of FZ

Posts: 3,061

Reg: Feb 28th 2008

Location: Cloud 9

Children: Been blessed twice, Im so lucky!

  • Send private message

11

Sunday, March 1st 2009, 2:28pm

I am really sorry to hear that, its another ttc hurdle to overcome and one you could do without no doubt.

I agree with Glitzy and I think the question is whether you could actually live with the resentment? Such a difficult situation, bless you.

Also, as far as ttc'ing for 5 years and expecting that it may never happen even by mistake, well, look at what happened to me! 5 and a half years ttc, all that tx and then a natural BFP. It can and does happen although obviously it would be much better if you were both wanting the same outcome.

Oh, I am sorry, I dont really know what to say, I think the answer has to come from within you but I am always here for you and I want to wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do. Just didnt want to read and run.

34 DH 31
TTC 5yrs
1 x IVF BFN
1 x FET BFN
3 x Clomid BFN
2 x I.U.I BFN


Posts: 1,642

Reg: Feb 24th 2009

Location: Sorrento - Italy

Children: 1 DD - 2005

  • Send private message

12

Sunday, March 8th 2009, 4:46pm

Hi Caz,
the more I read FZ, the more I realize that non of us are alone in the problems we face. My husband too is more than happy just to have one but I would like a large family. Well that for sure isn't going to happen now. But I am so desperate for a sibling for DD. My recent BFN has blown me away as it was not easy to persuade DH to give it another shot. Now I need to break the news to him that I still haven't given up. The way I did it last time is, I made it clear that you never hear any body saying they regret having a child but you do hear them saying they regret not having another. In fact my own dad didn't want any more kids before he had me and my brother, my mum stuck her heels in and had us, and now we are the light of his life!!! I think there are some decisions our DH's need to just leave to us. In the end I will get what I need. I also pointed out to DH that I would more than likely resent him more and more as time goes on if he stops me from doing this. Which unfortunately is the truth...
Hope DH sees the light!

K xxx

Jan 05:BFP:
2007 - 2010 - 7 x :BFN:
DD 5yrs Old - Time to [zx103]


Rufus

Star

Posts: 1,259

Reg: Oct 3rd 2005

Location: N Ireland

Children: One son, aged 8, daughter 1

  • Send private message

13

Monday, March 9th 2009, 9:57pm

Hi Caz, that is so tough. Sometimes we work at different places though. My dh was ready for adoption at least a year before I was... hope saying that helps xxxx
Keep smiling :happy:

  • "cazzmo" started this thread

Posts: 2,934

Reg: Oct 10th 2005

Location: Wales

  • Send private message

14

Friday, March 27th 2009, 3:49pm

Hi ladies
Well no update as yet, I just wanted to thanks you for all your support. We've not spoken about it as yet( as in a huge decision making talk ) but I've been dropping major hints etc. At the mo I'm in the midst of a flare-up ( I have rheumatoid athritis ) and just about coping with A and can't think of dropping my tabs to go ahead with a FET :bawl:. I'm finding it hard to accept this might be the end of babymaking. But on the flip side, thinking it is the end has kind of made me really appreciate what we have as a family so who knows....

My mum's best friends daughter is expecting her 2nd, she's the smae age as me and A's the same age as her daughter. so again I'm feeling I really ought to be getting on with it. It was the same with A, I was the last of my friends to have a child, they all have 2 or more now.

Also, are you ever ready to stop trying for a family ?(. I just think I'm going to be 90 still knicker watching and wanted to be ttc'ing at the 'right time' etc xx


Me 39, DH 39 ICSI Nov '06 BFP

FET Dec '10 - ET Dec 16th - Test Day 31/12/10





Lccl

Star

Posts: 1,303

Reg: Apr 13th 2012

Location: Lancashire

  • Send private message

15

Saturday, March 28th 2009, 12:01am

Awww Caz...

I'm a little bit in the same boat. I have 2 frosties and I have to decide if I will use them or not. We have a year and a half left to decide.

I am now on medication for an over active thyroid and although I am hoping to be off them ... I'm not sure whether I'll make it in time before the frosties frozen time runs out. I will not contemplate FET while on drugs as they can affect a PG and the fetus.

I would love E to have a sibling but... there is a part of me that is almost prepared to accept he may be our only gorgeous gift. I am happy with that but .. I do feel that I would be a little sad to have the frosties go.

It's a tough one eh.

I hope your DH will come around. I'm sure he is just so grateful for A and it also thinking of you and the tough time you had chuck.

Big hug sweetie.

  • "cazzmo" started this thread

Posts: 2,934

Reg: Oct 10th 2005

Location: Wales

  • Send private message

16

Saturday, March 28th 2009, 9:25am

Thanks Lisa
Think you are I are in exactly the same boat, pants eh?

But I am truly truly grateful for Alex. He's an amazing boy and I am blessed xx


Me 39, DH 39 ICSI Nov '06 BFP

FET Dec '10 - ET Dec 16th - Test Day 31/12/10





  • "gayle1803" is no longer a member of FZ

Posts: 2,268

Reg: Sep 13th 2006

  • Send private message

17

Saturday, March 28th 2009, 12:10pm

CAz

Hunny so sorry only just seen this, :sadface: It must be so hard for you, I really hope it all works out, and DH comes round, sorry cant add much more than what evryone else has said, we are here for you,

xxx

Posts: 1,149

Reg: Jul 21st 2006

Location: cumbria

  • Send private message

18

Saturday, March 28th 2009, 2:22pm

Hi hunni

sorry to here about your arthritis , it must get you down some days, :hugs:

as for your question, "are you ever ready to give up trying for a family" my answer is yes, but i am just talking about me, everyone is different, the thought of all the dr treatment and the jouney back and forth to the clinic, having to leave dd behind while going to clinic really put me off

Sometimes i think its a shame dd dosent have a sibling to play with, but a friend of mine has a little girl the same age as evie-mae and we meet up a couple of times a week to let the girls play together, they will attend the same school, so its nice evie-mae has a good friend to play with

i think as long as you take your lo to toddler groups to mix with opther children then i dont think they do miss out on having a sibling
and tbh i have a sister but we have never got on especially as kids, so there is always a risk that siblings will not get on together,

x
ME 32, pcos, DH 47,
DH had Tese tx Jan 06
IVF/ ICSI July 06 ,
30 eggs collected, 2 transfered,
Had OHSS and OMG, :BFP:


  • "cazzmo" started this thread

Posts: 2,934

Reg: Oct 10th 2005

Location: Wales

  • Send private message

19

Saturday, March 28th 2009, 7:51pm

Hi hunni
A has his day and a half at nursery, two cousins the same age and I see my friends regularly and they have boys the same age. He mixes all week really. He's really sociable and will go to any group to play when we're out with other kids.

xx


Me 39, DH 39 ICSI Nov '06 BFP

FET Dec '10 - ET Dec 16th - Test Day 31/12/10








FERTILITYZONE



MEDHURST – PROUD HOSTS OF FERTILITYZONE