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annon

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  • "annon" started this thread

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Reg: Nov 27th 2008

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Thursday, November 27th 2008, 12:58am

Advice Needed - Friendship and Surrogacy

Ok well I hope I have posted in right section, I wondered if someone could give me some relistic advice(be as frank as you like) I found out through someone that a friend of mine who I care deeply about

has been having ivf for awhile from what gather! anyway about 2 weeks after I found out I confessed I knew and from then on our friendship was never quite the same and after 5 years of no contact I have tonight tried to email her.

I found out about her situation when I was 17 and straight away thought not only do I love her like a mother and a friend I know her and her partner what make graet parents. So I started to reseach Host surrogacy with ICSI however before I lost contact I did surgguesst it but not very clearly my words were I would do anything for you and I am not sure how to have the courrage to say it without making her upset.

Also I am a wheelchair user who sufferes with cp and ic but apart from that as far as I know I am a perfectly healthy 22 year old.

I just feel time is sliping from them as she will be 47 and her hubby 43

and if I am honest I find myself getting upset as they are the world to me and I know a child is what they long for and I want to help.

I am sorry if I have said anything I shouldn't have :sadface:

This post has been edited 2 times, last edit by "annon" (Nov 27th 2008, 1:05am)


Eeyore

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Thursday, November 27th 2008, 4:53am

Hi and welcome

I am a little unsure as to what you are looking for advice on, is it surrogacy? You would like to suggest to them that you carry their child for them? If that isn't the case, I apologise that I have misunderstood.

You said to be frank..well my first reaction from your post is that you haven't spoken to each other for 5 years, since you were 17, and now you want to make contact and offer to be a surrogate?

She didn't tell you that she was having IVF, for her own reasons, and when you discovered she was and told her you knew, that was the end of your friendship and you've had no contact since? What were the reasons behind that? It doesn't, from what you have said, seem the ideal foundation for surrogacy?

As for your own situation, I don't know what IC is I am afraid, and I am only guessing that CP is cerebral palsy?


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annon

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Thursday, November 27th 2008, 2:11pm

Thanks for the welcome, and being frank ! yes advice on surrogacy is what I need.

In answer to youer question with regards to my reason for whating to contact her.

We went from being in constant contact to nothing and this happened arround the time I told her I knew, I felt I had to tell her and apolagise as I would ofter say to her she would make a grate mum!

And I will never forget one time I said this and she looked at me with tears in her eyes which is when I had an inclin.

I would write and I would here nothing

about 2 yrs later my mum said she saw her and she looked so distraught lifeless and weak! amd I broke down myself, I cant help feeling this is my fault

After this I yet again tried to writie apolagising once more and said I understood if she hated me and that if she did not want my to contact her anymore I would I would respect her wishes but just please tell me this. let me know your alive!!!!


Sorry its long winded but that is the main reason I have been trying to get in contact I just feel like I need to know so much and apolagise to

I never really came out and said I would carry your baby for you and even in my email yeasterday I wasn't clear, I just want her to know that I would do anything for them if they wanted its not about me I know that

yes I respect they had their reason for not telling me but I just want to help if they would let me.

I dont have cerebral palsy but its not servear and ic is miner.

Sorry to go on I am thankful for your advice

Sorry about my spelling its atrocious

annon

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Friday, November 28th 2008, 1:31am

I hope you can make out what I wrote as whating is ment to say wanting, spelling was never my strong point at school

Calypso

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Friday, November 28th 2008, 8:43am

Hi
I don't have any experience of what you are going through and can't really advise. But I wanted to wish you luck with finding some solutions. I think Eeyore is right that you do not have the ideal foundations for surrogacy now. I would try and build bridges first if it means that much to you, then broach the subject of surrogacy later.
Wishing you all the best.
xxx





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Friday, November 28th 2008, 9:25am

Hi

Personally, I don't feel that surrogacy should even be a discussion that you have with your friend right now, as you haven't spoken for some 5 years and if it were me, I would first try to rebuild the friendship that you lost so long ago.

If she doesn't contact you, as upsetting as it would be, I think you should respect her wishes and try to move forward.



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annon

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Friday, November 28th 2008, 6:29pm

thank for the advice, I do not wish to appear as if surrogacy is the thing that is important to me.


As of course i want to build bridges if I can, and I respect that I may never get the chance and its looking quite likely that I wont

As for moving forwad all I can say with regards to that is five yrs have passed and whilst they are always in my thoughts

I can not do anymore and as said I know this is about them and not me I just have so many unanswred questions

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Monday, December 1st 2008, 10:04pm

Sadly, sometimes peoples lives move on they leave behind people who once very close friends. I think perhaps this is the case and I do think you've done all you can to build the bridges. Maybe your friend just needs a little time to get her own life straight and will come to you - maybe she won't but you will always know you tried to straighten things out between you.

I wholeheartedly admire any woman who can carry a child via surrogacy, I think its the most precious gift in the world, but I'd also imagine its a very emotional rollercoaster and I'd worry that with your relationship being so fragile it wouldn't be fraught with pitfalls and hurt along the way. I think surrogacy is not something for the fainthearted and anyone (be it parent to be or surrogate) has to be strong and confident in the relationship/friendship they have before it will ever be successful.

If I'm totally honest, I don't think such a fragile relationship would have the strength to endure surrogacy. I just think one or both of you would end up feeling disillusioned or hurt.

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Friday, October 2nd 2009, 2:21pm

Hiya,
i have been a surrogate mum a few times now so hope i can help you. Please feel free to PM if you prefer.

Any surrogacy journey is emotionally like a rollercoaster of emotions on the side of both the surrogate and the couple not to mention relatives and friends on both sides - seems strange but they do become involved.

A couple and surrogate mum must be the right people for each other and i know only too well how that can break down and everlasting heartache can occur. There needs to be councelling for ALL concerned and this must not be rushed.

If you want to give the gift of life then i would approach a surrogacy agency and embrace ALL the help and support they offer. Don`t try and go it alone as this support is invaluable and can mean the difference between success and failure.

To even consider surrogacy you are an amazing person so PLEASE protect yourself and you will protect your couple. Don`t learn the hard way.

Please, any questions, just ask.
:smile:
I have 4 beautiful sons + :boy::girl:in heaven
Surrogate to twins :boy: :girl: 2004
Surrogate to :girl: 2006
Surrogate with a :BFP: 07/10/09

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "hostsurrogate" (Oct 2nd 2009, 2:23pm)


Eeyore

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Friday, October 2nd 2009, 2:26pm

Hi Jane

It's so good of you to reply and offer your support, it's really good to hear from the 'other side' and I for one really appreciate you posting.

(The original poster hasn't been online since last November though!)

xx


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