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blackie

Newbie

  • "blackie" started this thread

Posts: 59

Reg: May 14th 2008

Location: Plymouth

Children: one dd, aged 10

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1

Sunday, June 29th 2008, 10:23pm

dont know if this is the right forum...

Im going slightly out of my mind.

I am desperate for another baby (as Im sure most of you know that feeling - when you see yet another pg lady - as much as I am pleased for them, I am gutted for me - does that make sense?)

my dh had a vasectomy a long time ago and doesnt want to consider a reversal.

so Im not even ttc. Im not going to have that chance of trying.

It makes me feel so sad and I dont really know how to deal with this.

I just feel really lost and alone on my thoughts - as no-one really gets the feelings - other than on these forums. I cant talk to dh as I have tried to talk to him so many times he clams up and gets really defensive about why he doesnt want to go through with a reversal. But while he defends his position he fails to see how unhappy I am.

Sorry - I havent even introduced myself properly on here either. :O There is another forum that I use regularly and everyone on there knows me really well and I cant even bring myself to tell that forum what is going on in my mind.

Im eating my way into looking pg - which really isnt helping.

Sally :sadface:
Sally

me 39yrs, with low amh. dd (10yrs) conceived naturally

dh 50yrs (vasectomy)

d iui OCT 2012 bfn hpt, blood test low hcg, m/c 6wk2d

    United Kingdom

Posts: 15,284

Reg: Sep 24th 2006

Location: Up to my armpits in ironing

Children: Three gorgeous daughters!

Thanks: 100 / 90

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2

Sunday, June 29th 2008, 10:43pm

Hello Sally

I don't really know what to say, but I didn't want to read and run.

Sending you a big :hugs:

xxx


Angel baby April 07, Angel baby December 07, DD1 August 09, DD2 March 11, DD3 October 13

Posts: 1,412

Reg: Apr 3rd 2008

Location: Lancashire

Children: Daughter born Dec 05 thru DIUI

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3

Sunday, June 29th 2008, 11:01pm

Hi Sally,

I'm really sorry to hear about your predicament. We are TTC #2 so I know that even if you've got one 'baby' it doesn't make it all OK. I am pretty chilled at the moment, but I certainly have had those sort of feelings towards pregnant women in the past. It is so hard, and pregnant women and babies seem to be everywhere sometimes, dont they?!

Have you thought about going to Relate? Even if DH refuses to go with you, you can go on your own. I had some counselling with them during a previous relationship, and I can't praise them highly enough. Or even ringing someone like Samaritans, or dropping into something like a Women's Centre?

Anyway I hope you get some support from FZ.

Best wishes,




2xDIUI(nat cyc)Apr&May08
DIUI(Clom)Jul08
DIUI(Clom, Oest & Prog)Sep08
DIVF/ICSI Mar09
FER Dec09
IUIApr10 - BFN


blackie

Newbie

  • "blackie" started this thread

Posts: 59

Reg: May 14th 2008

Location: Plymouth

Children: one dd, aged 10

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4

Sunday, June 29th 2008, 11:19pm

Quoted

Originally posted by cherrychocolate
Hi Sally,

I'm really sorry to hear about your predicament. We are TTC #2 so I know that even if you've got one 'baby' it doesn't make it all OK. I am pretty chilled at the moment, but I certainly have had those sort of feelings towards pregnant women in the past. It is so hard, and pregnant women and babies seem to be everywhere sometimes, dont they?!

Have you thought about going to Relate? Even if DH refuses to go with you, you can go on your own. I had some counselling with them during a previous relationship, and I can't praise them highly enough. Or even ringing someone like Samaritans, or dropping into something like a Women's Centre?

Anyway I hope you get some support from FZ.

Best wishes,


Thanks for your replies, Cherrychocolate and polly pocket.

Cherrychocolate - you have hit the nail on the head - it is a predicament. It is a long story in how I managed to find myself in this position.

my dd - who really is the best thing to have happened to me, was with my ex dh who a year later gave me an ultimatium about having another baby. Because everything had been so terrible with his family from day one of our little girls birth it had put me off the idea of having a baby with my then dh. when he gave me the ultimatum, I knew deep down I wanted another baby, but I said no as I knew I didnt want a baby with him, the marriage was a scam, in short it would have been wrong to have had a baby with him - I am regretting the decision but still wouldnt want to be with my exdh. I have since divorced and met my (now) new dh. When I met my dh I was still numb from the divorce and everthing that had gone on before. ( hastened to add we didnt get married striaghtaway so I wasnt on the rebound!!!) My dh didnt tell me straightaway that he had a vasectomy done. When he did, he thought given the history of the ultimatum that it would be ok.

my dh IS 100% great in everyway and if it wasnt for this going on in my head all the time I would actually be very happy.

I cant seem to stop thinking about what I want. I feel as though I am being incredibly selfish as so many people on here dont have what I do. the much longed for first baby. I feel a fraud as I know "my lot in life" I dealt my card for myself. I should just sit back and be grateful for what I have, but I dont seem to be able to do this, I just dont know how to deal with it.

I know it is wrong to be jealous of other people's good fortune - as it makes no difference to my circumstances.

THANK YOU , so much for replying, I think the idea of speaking to someone in a womens centre or similar may help me put this into context.

This forum although new to me, has extended warmth and support to me.

Thanks
Sally
Sally

me 39yrs, with low amh. dd (10yrs) conceived naturally

dh 50yrs (vasectomy)

d iui OCT 2012 bfn hpt, blood test low hcg, m/c 6wk2d

Calypso

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Posts: 5,464

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5

Monday, June 30th 2008, 12:11am

Awwwww Blackie i just wanted to say :hi:. I know what you mean about feeling guilty about 'not being happy with your lot' etc. It's a case of there is 'always somebody worse off than yourself'. We should all remember that sometimes. But that doesn't preclude our right to feel low about the things that mean a lot to us.

I am having difficulty conceiving and have no children ... yet ... :pray:...., but I completely understand that you are very miserable because you want another child and that is perfectly natural. Your anxiety is possibly compounded by communications with you and DH .... I know that feeling ... Men :rolleyes:

I don't know your full story, but I wondered if you'd considered donor sperm???
mmmmmm

If all treatment options are out of the question for you, finding somebody to talk as suggested, is an excellent idea :smile:. We've all got a specific idea of what we think will make us happy, :happy: but it is possible to make alternative life choices and still find contentment. Big hug to you :hugs: :xxx:





Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning how to dance in the rain



Jan 08 Fibroid removed. May 08 IUI - BFN :sadface:
Nov 08 IVF 7 eggs (just one fertilised :sadface: - BFN
May 09 ICSI 1 - 7 eggs (two fertilised) BFN :sadface:
Aug 09 Another fibroid removed
Nov 09 ICSI 2 - 1 mature egg (it fertilised) BFN :sadface:

My journey is now over

blackie

Newbie

  • "blackie" started this thread

Posts: 59

Reg: May 14th 2008

Location: Plymouth

Children: one dd, aged 10

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6

Monday, June 30th 2008, 12:31am

thank you for such a kind reply Calypso. Bless you for being so nice. I hope and pray your wish comes true very soon. Your post is so kind to have understanding for my muddled thoughts.

I do feel guilty for having a crisis about this when I do know people are struggling to get their much deserved babies.

I feel so bad for admitting to not coping too well for seeing pg ladies. It is not at all that I begrudge their happiness, it just seems to compound my unhappiness.

I think I need to stop doing the self pity stuff.
I dont deserve to be leaning on people who are having a rough time ttc.

I agree it is possible to make alternative life choices and find contentment. Though I think I might need some serious help as I am hell bent on finding negative things all the time.

(for eg. I fear losing my dd, I shouldnt do. But I really do worry so much about her. When I say this to dh - he takes this to mean that having another baby is to act as a replacement - which is not what I mean at all).

Im going to sign off for now as I am making myself upset and i am feeling bad for posting on this forum as I dont think I should be leaning on people who are genuinely going through proper heartache of not having a wee bairn

*~*~**~lots of baby dust for you hun - and everyone else *~*~*~*~*~*

Love Sally
Sally

me 39yrs, with low amh. dd (10yrs) conceived naturally

dh 50yrs (vasectomy)

d iui OCT 2012 bfn hpt, blood test low hcg, m/c 6wk2d

Eeyore

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7

Monday, June 30th 2008, 7:11am

Hi and welcome

I have moved your thread into our open 'Trying Again' section and have also added you to to the private, closed section - in both sections you will find girls who already have families and I hope who will be able to help

x


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Pootle

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Posts: 7,078

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8

Monday, June 30th 2008, 7:54am

Hi Sally

Welcome to FZ and the Trying Again section. There's lots of us here who are lucky enough to have a child/children but still want to conceive again and have another child/children.

I totally understand your 'desperate need' and also your over protectiveness of you daughter.

Anyway, there's lots of us here to talk to - many of us have diaries - dive in, and you'll see you're not alone.

x






My family is complete...I am grateful every day

DD1, natural miracle, 2005
DD2, IVF miracle, 2008


blackie

Newbie

  • "blackie" started this thread

Posts: 59

Reg: May 14th 2008

Location: Plymouth

Children: one dd, aged 10

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9

Monday, June 30th 2008, 6:52pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Eeyore
Hi and welcome

I have moved your thread into our open 'Trying Again' section and have also added you to to the private, closed section - in both sections you will find girls who already have families and I hope who will be able to help

x


Thanks Eeyore for putting me in the right forum.:thanx:

Sally
x
Sally

me 39yrs, with low amh. dd (10yrs) conceived naturally

dh 50yrs (vasectomy)

d iui OCT 2012 bfn hpt, blood test low hcg, m/c 6wk2d

blackie

Newbie

  • "blackie" started this thread

Posts: 59

Reg: May 14th 2008

Location: Plymouth

Children: one dd, aged 10

  • Send private message

10

Monday, June 30th 2008, 6:57pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Jodie
Hi Sally

Welcome to FZ and the Trying Again section. There's lots of us here who are lucky enough to have a child/children but still want to conceive again and have another child/children.

I totally understand your 'desperate need' and also your over protectiveness of you daughter.

Anyway, there's lots of us here to talk to - many of us have diaries - dive in, and you'll see you're not alone.

x


thanks - I dont think Im as mad as I appear - well I hope not : ?( :smile:

Sally
Sally

me 39yrs, with low amh. dd (10yrs) conceived naturally

dh 50yrs (vasectomy)

d iui OCT 2012 bfn hpt, blood test low hcg, m/c 6wk2d

Soooz

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Posts: 3,154

Reg: Apr 3rd 2008

Location: UK

Children: 2 sons - Natural shock 99 & ICSI miracle 04

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11

Monday, June 30th 2008, 9:12pm

Hi Blackie - there are many of us trying for second or subsequent children. Ure so not alone. Ure feelings are bound to do your head in - it helps somewhat trying to do something about it by going through tx, but when this route is a dead end, ure bound to feel out of control and lost. I agree with another post - you maybe could consider counselling? if for no other reason than you can talk their ears off (of course, you can do it on here also xx)


take care :xxx3:
:flowerbasket:

Proud mum to two sons - natural unexpected in 1999 :8o: and ICSI in 2004 : D

We must let go of the life we had planned;
to have the life waiting for us

blackie

Newbie

  • "blackie" started this thread

Posts: 59

Reg: May 14th 2008

Location: Plymouth

Children: one dd, aged 10

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12

Monday, June 30th 2008, 9:51pm

thanks Susie, I think admitting I need to talk to a counsellor is half the problem. as in many respects - logically I shouldnt be having a problem as Dh wont have the op, no more to discuss with dh. Therefore if I know I am not having another baby I should just move on. though my head doesnt work quite that simply. :sadface:

I dont really know what I am trying to say but I am not against counselling - I have had it before, years ago and did find it very helpful. I think I might be overwhelmed of what might come out. (my mother has recently passed away - this alone has left me feeling awful, very long story - she was such a terrible mum that I have strived so hard not to be anything like her. awful mum in life and managed to be a complete heartless *** in death too - with a horrible letter) ?(

Anyway - thanks for the support and understanding. at least knowing someone is "getting" (understanding) my pain it makes it a little bit more bearable.

I need to look at how to move on from it. Adoption and stuff like that wouldnt be an option..... though I do wonder about fostering as a means of filling the void, Dh already has three of his own from previous marriage - grown up now).

Sorry this has become long
take care
Sally
Sally

me 39yrs, with low amh. dd (10yrs) conceived naturally

dh 50yrs (vasectomy)

d iui OCT 2012 bfn hpt, blood test low hcg, m/c 6wk2d

Posts: 78

Reg: Jul 19th 2008

Location: Cayman

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13

Friday, July 25th 2008, 7:23pm

Sally - just out of interest - is your DH opposed to the reversal or having another baby? I know they are tied in but maybe he would consider adoption or donor but is just afraid of the op? Or maybe he just doesn't want any more kids.
3 mcs at 5w,
Owen 6 weeks premie - my survivor
1 D&C at 9w,
Charlie born and lost at 22 weeks
April 2011 - IVF - ICSI - BFP due 6 Jan, 2012




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