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  • "Glitzy" started this thread

Posts: 3,006

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: Scotland

Children: Max born March 07 - thanks to frozen embryo transfer, our little miracle

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 10:13am

What is wrong with me??

Had my friend's 30th birthday lunch yesterday - lovely day all with our gorgeous babies. Anyway out of nowhere i got a feeling my friend was pregnant and as usual my mouth is 2 seconds ahead of my brain and i asked her. Yip she is 8 weeks gone with bubs no 2 after 1 month of trying. After her announcment one of our other friends announced whilst holding her 5month old that she thinks she may be too after an "accident" on new years day. For the first time ever i felt all those jealous feelings flood back. I am sooo happy to have my little darling and i feel guilty for feeling this was as if he is not enough for me i would just so love a brother or sister for him. I never thought I would feel so strongly again after being so lucky to get M. I looked round the table yesterday and everyone either had their 2 kids or was pregnant - am i a selfish cow??? My pg friend asked me if i was "going back for a girl this time" - i think they think ivf is just going in and selecting the embryo and hey ho there you go!!

5 x ICSI b.f.n
1 x FET resulting in my gorgeous son born 2007



Posts: 1,283

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: in my own world

Children: ds 2yrs

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 10:24am

Everyone here will understand. Your feelings are entirely natural. My friends say things too and I know they don't mean them in the vein I take them sometimes. To their credit they do acknowledge how they cannot understand fully what we go through with fertility treatment. They try though I think... they just forget.
Me pcos. Ds born nov 2005 - 1 round clomid.
TTC no2 since April 06.
6 rounds clomid (skinny womb lining + vaired response),
BFP 29/12. All fingers and toes crossed.

  • "gayle1803" is no longer a member of FZ

Posts: 2,268

Reg: Sep 13th 2006

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 10:29am

RE: What is wrong with me??

Glitzy blowkiss

Your feelings are perfectly normal hun, just cos you have you precious little boy does not mean your want for another is any less than anyones elses, You DESERVE to have as many children as anyone else!, the fact that it happens to so many people so easily just hurts even more and genuinly does make us wanna
Hearing that someone thinks they are PG just from "an accident" is even more frustrating and to me cuts life a knife! :tear: and unfortunately alot of people are very ignorant to exactly what is involved in IVF, that's not neccesarilly a fault of there cos who knows what we would know if we had not been dealt the unlucky cards to have to go down that avenue, but really some people just do not think ebbfore saying anything :no:

Just wanted to say ( after all that babbling!) you are certainly NOT a selfish person, you want what most people take for granted , that's a family to make you complete, unfortunately some people have to work a little harder than others, but remember hun whan you get there it will be even more special to you all lurve

Hope I havent waffled too much blowkiss


This post has been edited 3 times, last edit by "gayle1803" (Jan 16th 2008, 10:30am)



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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 10:30am

There s nothing wrong with you mate. This just proves you are normal. We have this board cos there are so many others on here who feel the same way.




Posts: 2,910

Reg: Sep 27th 2006

Location: Leeds

Children: 7 year old little man, and B/G twins

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 10:34am

Not ttc, but am still surprised how stronlgy I still want a baby ... I thought that having the twins would mean I wouldn't still long for a baby, but I do ...
Someone once told me that having a baby doesn't cure infertility, you still get those jelous feelings when someone announces their pregnancy, and probably always will. For me, I think a lot of those feelings come from not being able to conceive by myself (or ourself) ... and having the twins hasn't fixed that. I'm always going to get a pang when I hear that someone got pregnant by accident (my friend is due this sunday) and wish it were me .... But am I wishing for another baby, or to be able to have one without injections and operations ???

Edited to say ... Reading that back, I can see how it might come across as you only 'think' you want another baby, and this is due to your trouble to get pregnant. Don't mean that at all .... Think I may have just transferred some of MY feelings into your situation ... Just cos I often feel the same as you.

Hope that comes across OK


This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "KIRSTY G" (Jan 16th 2008, 10:38am)

  • "1xbaby pls" is no longer a member of FZ

Posts: 2,647

Reg: Apr 4th 2006

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 10:51am

Oh Glitzy sweetie, im sorry your a little down i wanted to send you a big cuddle.

i know how you feel it gets to me too, i think when i was little if friends had a toy or something i would like, i'd go home and ask mum or dad can i have and sometimes i may get it.
as i grew up if i wanted something id earn the money to buy it
when i wanted to have a baby and couldnt it wreaked my head thinking why.

i dont think any one can get there head round why we cant do it natrually, i meen where not bad people were no different to your friends. so why oh why did they hit me with THAT,
It sucks sometimes. my friend is trying for buba no1, and she said to me yest oh me and ?? are having the best sex of our life because we know were making a baby, i could have beesn sick there and then not out of EW but of jelousey, pain and wanting it to be me with the straight foward life

stay strong chick x x x
1st go ICSI - @ royal shewsbury and Telford NHS funded
25 eggs collected 27/3/06
15 fertilized - 8 grade A - 2 transfered 30th/3
test date - Thursday 13th April, BFP :D :D :D
:baby: ITS TWINS :baby:
M.L & J.F - Born 9/11/06 6w prem (6lb 5oz & 4lb 10oz)

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "1xbaby pls" (Jan 16th 2008, 10:52am)

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 10:55am

ooh hun i dont think anyone will think you are a bad person what people who can get pregnant easily wont understand is how hard infertility is and i dont think that stops when you have had one as you feel so lucky to have been given the gift of one and you want your child to have a brother or sister and that is completly natural and then all the pain of not being able to concieve starts all over again then all the pain from before comes flooding back

sending you a big hug


TTC#1 4y
:BFP: 04/09 M/C

Lap 06 endo + scar tissue
Lap 08/07 laser of endo + adhesions

:BFP: 12/07 baby7Lucas born 11/09/08
Now TTC#2 since aug 09(please dont mention on fb)



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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 10:58am

I feel exactly them same as 2 friends have recently announced that they are expecting - its just a natural feeling when you want something and someone else has got it!

What makes matters worse is that I was as ignorant as your friends before starting on our ivf journey as with my first 2 pregnancies it was so easy, I think people who haven't any experience or knowledge of fertility treatment have no idea what you have to go through and how hard it is!


Me 40
DP 43
twin boys born '93, dd born '98 [zx076]

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 1:53pm

I echo what Rae has said, Glitzy.

Also I feel exactly the same as you when friends announce pregnancies and although they are understanding and will ask if I'm going for more treatment, treatment does not, by any means!, mean a baby.

Those feelings of wanting to be pregnant, carry a baby, create a surviving sibling do not seem to be going away.

I wonder if they will.

Me 39, DH 40 Children, Lucy and DS (7)
Lucy lost in car accident 8th April 2002
TTC 6 years - ICSI x 4 - :BFN: x 4

Spider's Diary

  • "Glitzy" started this thread

Posts: 3,006

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: Scotland

Children: Max born March 07 - thanks to frozen embryo transfer, our little miracle

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 2:33pm

I know its a strange feeling eh. As an only child I more want another baby for Max than i do for me. He adores being aroun other kids and I want it for all of us as a family so much. If it never happens I will still feel eternally blessed that we have him but sad for him that when he is older and Steve and I are dottery old codgers that he wont have a brother or sister to be there for him and vice versa. It just seems to come so easily to others - i know thats not true but it is in my circle of friends ab they all seem to think that now i have been pregnant once it will be easy this time. I am sooooo broody!!!! I am just happy I have my gorgeous little darling - he certainly makes it much easier to cope with. Thanks to you all for replying xx

5 x ICSI b.f.n
1 x FET resulting in my gorgeous son born 2007



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Reg: Mar 31st 2007

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 7:21pm

I'm another one who can relate to what you're saying!

I desperately want another child - the urge is stronger to have a second than it was a first. I think its because I want it for E (as well as me - I want it too obviously!) - I was close to my sister growing up and still am and I want E to experience that. I think part of the sadness and frustration comes from not being able to give something to the person I love most in the world. I'd do anything for her but I can't do this and I hate myself for it, feel guilty etc etc.


My family is complete...I am grateful every day

DD1, natural miracle, 2005
DD2, IVF miracle, 2008


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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 7:37pm

I really want to have another baby but, short of winning the lotto, it is not going to happen so I feel rather jealous of those who have more than one kid or who have the funds to try again. I always used to say that I wanted two kids but during my treatment I tried to convince myself that I would be happy if I could just have the one. Now my heart yearns for more. If I could afford it I'd have 10 kids whether biological or adopted. There is a huge hole in my soul where children belong, C has filled a large part of it but I think that at the same time the hole was also ripped bigger as the yearning grows stronger by the day...

PCOS, hypothyroid - on thyroxine, aspirin and Met
Lap/Ovarian Drilling Oct 2005
DIUI X5 + 2 abandoned cycles (total 7 cycles)
:BFP: 22 March 2006 - Connor Born 24 November 2006 - unplanned c-section
At 3 and a half C finally gave up the boob!



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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 8:04pm

I can only echo what all the others have said so well. Your feelings are totally, and completly normal, and I don't think those feelings will ever go away, you just learn to live with, and deal with them somehow.
I adore my Ds, and right now, am not desperate for another, BUT i would love to be pregnant again, naturally, just so I know I CAN do it. BUt, I know in my heart that that isn't going to happen, and yep- it hits like a hammer when all around you are "accidently" getting pg
big hugs hun

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Wednesday, January 16th 2008, 9:11pm

Just wanted to add that I know how you are feeling and you are definately not being selfish. I have stayed friendly with mums from a post-natal group and they are all falling pregnant or worrying about falling pregnant (!) I hear them planning to buy bigger houses for when they have baby no. 2 - they are so sure its just going to happen for them. Even people that know it took us so long to get dd demand to know why we haven't got no. 2 on the way!!! People are just so stupid sometimes!



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Thursday, January 17th 2008, 9:08am

I know exactly how you feel Glitzy. A couple of people I know are pregnant at the moment and it hurts. I thought having DD would make me immune to those feelings but it doesn't. Although I'm sure when they see DD and compare their baby to her, THEY will be the jealous ones, 'cos she's the best baby ever! I would love to be one of those women who is happy with what I've got, I can't imagine ever not wanting to be pregnant again! Actually thinking about that, maybe fertility problems is natures way of stopping me having 10 kids!

  • "gayle1803" is no longer a member of FZ

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Thursday, January 17th 2008, 9:23am

You know in a strange kind of way I think having one gorgeous miracle can maybe make the urge even stronger, hope this doesnt offend anyone, :innocent:

hey I have longed for our miracle for 12 years, but I have not experienced the joy, excitement, fullfillment, pride and everything else that comes with having our children, ( although I pray that that is not too far away ) so as I said before your perfectly normal hun, your want for another child is natural, whatever option you take I hope your dreams come true blowkiss


This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "gayle1803" (Jan 17th 2008, 9:23am)



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Thursday, January 17th 2008, 9:28am

I agree Gayle

I obviously would love one (and am getting one now :D) but at the moment feel like i would be content with that ie all I have gone through but who knows - once i have one and the feelings and love that a child gives i may want another - we have talked about adopting again later on.

  • "gayle1803" is no longer a member of FZ

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Thursday, January 17th 2008, 9:34am

Thats so wonderful Ethel, :D



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Thursday, January 17th 2008, 11:09am

Ah thanks we might not though we will have to see.

Hope you are ok today H x



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Thursday, January 17th 2008, 4:07pm

Glizty it's natural to feel a pank of jealously don't beat yourself up about it, it's how YOU feel. I think we all start off thinking "I just want one baby!!" but then we have that baby and love them so much why wouldn't we want another?

As for friends getting pg at the drop of a hat I know it's hard to bear but it's life and I wouldn't want anyone to go through infertility as I am sure none of us would it's just unfair sometimes :sadface:



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Thursday, January 17th 2008, 5:31pm

I got pregnant easily with my 2 children but had several bleeds with 2nd pregnancy in 1st 12 weeks so I imagined the worst was about to happen - and I am eternally greatfull that everything was ok - but I remember thinking, then, how awful it would be to lose a baby.....I have just had my 3rd m/c in a row (in the space of 7 months) so I now know.
I really did take it for granted that I would have no problems conceiving again so it was a huge shock to me that I miscarried, especially the 1st time ....I am only greatful they all happened early on.
I constantly think I am being selfish in wanting a 3rd child when I have my 2 boys (the only thing keeping me sane through this!) but there is no way to switch off that feeling of longing for a brother or sister for them. I describe it as the feeling that there is someone is missing from my family - I really feel like there is meant to be another child but it just doesn't seem to be happening right now.
It is completely natural to feel envious of friends who are pregnant - especially those for whom it has happened easily, but believe me I know how extremely lucky I was (and am) but I also know how heartbreaking it is when it doesn't go as planned.
I just wish it happened so easily for everyone.
I know people (real people!) who have gone through years of IVF and finally had success and, in fact, a couple of people who have gone on to have 2nd babies without IVF....just when they were wondering how they would ever afford a second try at there is always hope.....keep hoping.x

baby boy born Aug. '03
baby boy born April '06
m/c June '07 at 5w
m/c Oct '07 at 6w
m/c Dec '07 at 4w 4d
baby boy born Dec '08
m/c March '10 at 6w



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Saturday, January 19th 2008, 5:29pm

OH HHHHHHHHHHHH , big hun sweetie . You are the least selfish person ever ... As everyone else has said , those feelings are entirley normal.

I do hope you are ok sweetie, give M a big kiss from his southern Auntie xxxx

Beautiful Daughter and gorgeous Son through adoption, my family now complete , 2009 started our journey and complete Oct 2012 ....


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Saturday, January 19th 2008, 6:58pm

Stop feeling guilty or selfish, because you not!!!!

I don't know what its like after you've had a baby, because we haven't got there yet. I do know that I want more than one baby and I don't feel bad at all! You shouldn't either!

There is nothing wrong with feeling jealous at people getting pg by accident or at the drop of a hat! Its normal, you're normal!!!! They don't know how easy they've got it!

Ask yourself this. What woman, with a son as lovely as M, wouldn't want another baby?

I hope you start to feel better soon. xxx

Angel baby April 07, Angel baby December 07, DD1 August 09, DD2 March 11, DD3 October 13