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  • "londonchic" is no longer a member of FZ
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Friday, June 8th 2007, 10:23am

Dont feel as if the babies are mine

This may seem a strange post to some but although I am overjoyed and am blessed that I have become pregnant by Icsi, sometimes I dont feel as though theyre mine. I feel like theyve been implanted into me like aliens and I cant even guaruntee that they are my own flesh and blood. The stories of sperm and eggs getting mixed up doesnt make things any better. I never felt this way when I was pregnant with my son probably becuase he was convceived naturally. Im sure I will be full of love when they are born but at the moment Im finding it hard to really feel anything ;(

Im probably being silly and I hope I havent offended those who would not complain to be in the situation Im in right now.

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Friday, June 8th 2007, 10:53am

:( :hugs: sweety you have been thru alot of tx and heart ache to get this far hun...and i havent had the tx you have had but i know the feelings you are having effect people who have concieved naturally too....when the babies are born some moms look at hte child and dont feel a connection or bond straight away....my sil had her little boy by c-section and was put under general anesthetic to have the procedure...she didnt feel like her ds was hers...she said it was like because she wasnt 'there' when he was born that she couldnt be sure he was hers....i know the cercumstances are different but the feelings are similar..
she did bond with her baby after a few weeks..and maybe when you are further along with your pg you might feel more settled with it...

you have been thru such alot londonchick....give yourself time to get your head around things...you are a wonderful mom i know you will be fine :hugs:



I'm running down the road like loose electricity, while the band in my head plays a strip tease!



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Friday, June 8th 2007, 11:01am

Hun
I can understand what you are saying totally. I've had the odd feelings like that, as in what if the embies weren't mine. What if they got he sperm mixed up and Baby isn't my DH's.
I'm getting further on now and starting to really bond with the baby - looking forward to meeting him/her etc.. am sure it's just a phase but I've been there too chicks so don't be down on yourself for thinking that

Caz xxx


Me 39, DH 39 ICSI Nov '06 BFP

FET Dec '10 - ET Dec 16th - Test Day 31/12/10





KIRSTY G

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Friday, June 8th 2007, 11:10am

I think everyone has fleeting thoughts about the whole egg/sperm/embryo mix up ... and besides telling you that the chances are really very very slim, and that there a stringent proceedures in place now, there's nothing anyone can say to reassure you

Hopefully these feelings will pass, and you won't give it a thought when the babies arrive ... but if you do still feel the same, would you consider speaking to someone about it?




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Friday, June 8th 2007, 11:56am

Hi chic,

Does your midwife team have a counselling service? I'm going to see someone who does ante-natal and post-natal counselling cos I've been worried about PND, but the whole ICSI issue was something I wanted to talk to them about because even though I've over the moon, I feel like you do that the baby doesn't feel quite like ours.

I'm sure that once our babies are here, safe in our arms, we won't care how they got here, but it can't hurt to speak to someone about it in the meantime.

You're not alone sweetie

Txx
Me 33, DH 35 TTC since Aug 05
DH low count & anti-sperm antibodies
IUI Oct - :BFN:
IUI Nov - :BFN:
ICSI Feb - :BFP:

Unbelievable BFP on 3rd March.Jellytot is due on 8th Nov!








  • "londonchic" is no longer a member of FZ
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Friday, June 8th 2007, 12:32pm

thanks girls, Im glad you understand how I feel, I thought everyone may think Im a bit odd!

sometimes I feel that Im not allowed to think that way because I am in the profession so feel slightly embarrassed to raise the issue to my midwife. I dont think i will be satisfied until I see them

Rivka

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Friday, June 8th 2007, 6:39pm

I think this is quite quite a common thing you know, and even if conception happened the old fashioned way. I felt a bit freaked out until I saw the 20 week scan and it even took a good few weeks after birth to truly sink in that Plum was mine. You mustn't worry about it, love and a real bond will come.







  • "londonchic" is no longer a member of FZ
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Friday, June 8th 2007, 6:42pm

I also cant imagine loving a child the way I love my son, does anyone else have this? The way I feel about him is totally indescribable and I couldnt imagine sharing that with two more children. Im sure it will happen though

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Friday, June 8th 2007, 6:53pm

I think that is the worry for all second time mums/dads. But I once heard a speaker called Steve Chalke talk about this when his wife was about to have their second. he felt guilty as he thought he could never love this baby like his daughter, but when his son was born he said he flet a rush of love. He said it wasn't like his love was split up between his children - but that new love came. I thought that was great.

It is something I worry about - as we have Joel by birth and will be having a daughter through adoption - but I really feel that the love will come as this child will be ours through a different route.... Does that make sense? Anyway, i'll stop whittering on!!! Lol xxxx
Keep smiling :happy:

Rivka

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Friday, June 8th 2007, 11:07pm

Quoted

Originally posted by londonchic
I also cant imagine loving a child the way I love my son, does anyone else have this? The way I feel about him is totally indescribable and I couldnt imagine sharing that with two more children. Im sure it will happen though


I know just what you mean. That is a worry of mine but you see all around you that people love all their children. They say babies bring their own love with them.






This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Rivka" (Jun 8th 2007, 11:08pm)


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Monday, June 11th 2007, 3:57pm

I was worried that having a second boy would be hard because there wouldn't even be the gender difference as a reason to love my second child. Please believe me, the love for a second child is there and ready and available!! You don't love your DH or your parents any less just because you gave birth to your son? It's a different love for each special person in your life whichever generation they are in. I'm so besotted with both of my boys, and I felt that love the minute DS2 was born. :D

Londonchic, do your ICSI clinic offer counselling? They'd be best placed to go through this with you as they will have counselled so many others on the worries about whether the babies inside are actually yours. If you're in the field, you just have to take a deep breath and go for it rather than hide your thoughts - counselling isn't a sign of weakness - it's where people can help you be less subjective and separate the facts from the worries. I'm vaguely in the medical arena too, and find it sooo different when the issues are about me and my body and my babies. I get far less objective!

I, too, wondered about whether the baby inside was actually mine, but they both look so similar that the clinic would have had to have made the same mistake twice, which would just never happen!
Had a total of three fresh IVF cycles and three frozen transfers (embryos and blastocysts)
m/c @ 11 weeks in 2007 DS1 and DS2 born from fresh IVF cycles :D
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Friday, August 24th 2007, 2:12pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Limpet
I was worried that having a second boy would be hard because there wouldn't even be the gender difference as a reason to love my second child. Please believe me, the love for a second child is there and ready and available!! You don't love your DH or your parents any less just because you gave birth to your son? It's a different love for each special person in your life whichever generation they are in. I'm so besotted with both of my boys, and I felt that love the minute DS2 was born. :D


absolutely

and even though my #2 was conceived naturally I still sometimes look at him and go "wow - how did you happen?!"

  • "victoria82" is no longer a member of FZ

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Friday, August 24th 2007, 5:28pm

Londonchic it is normal to feel like that, believe me you will know if the twins are yours or not, when they arrive, and the motherly love will floorish within you and them when you hold them for the first time

try not to worry too much about this feeling hun

  • "londonchic" is no longer a member of FZ
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Friday, August 24th 2007, 9:45pm

thanks victoria, this was an old thread though and i am feeling quite excited now!

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Friday, August 24th 2007, 9:49pm

great to here that hun

not long to go now :)

MCD

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Friday, December 7th 2007, 6:13am

RE: Dont feel as if the babies are mine

This isn't so strange. I had losts of dreams when pg with DS that he was another race from us - bit weird I know. I think its because for me I didn't believe I was actually pg, thought it must be someone else's emby because that is the only explanation of how it had actually worked this time. The clinic thought I only had one frosty left last week when I went for an appointment, we knew we had 2 :rolleyes: A worry that it took them the entire day before they located the the records of the 2nd one. When I told my DH, my DS (2.5yrs) happened to run past him at the same time screaming enthusiastically, my DH just said "Well whoever's he is, he's pretty cool!".

I also know that my big thing when he was born was worrying that someone was going to take him away from me because he wasn't really mine.
MCD

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Sunday, December 9th 2007, 2:22am

when you have gone through any form of fertility treatment i think that those feelings are quite common. having gone through so much upset, you kind of resign yourself to the fact that it may never work. so when it does you are so shocked, that you really dont know how to deal with it..





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