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  • "aniandan" started this thread

Posts: 491

Reg: Apr 17th 2009

Location: Midlands England

Children: After Ttc for over 5 yrs 1st Natural preg May 2002 gorgeous DS 2nd natural preg resulted in missed m/c at 12 wks Jan 2004 both with my ex fiancé.

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Monday, August 27th 2012, 2:02am

Adopting a stepchild

Can anyone guide me on having my husband gain parental responsibility/Adopt of my son born May 2002?
My sons Bio Father does have name on DS birth cert but we was never married ( together 14 years lived together 9 years) we separated in 2005 when Ds was still 2 years old. My now husband got together in 2006 and have lived together with my Ds since 2007. My DS does have contact with his bio Father but this is not a court arrangement and tbh only happens when it suits my ex, he is always letting my DS down sometimes has no contact for months at at time. Once he never contacted or phoned Ds for over 8 months.
If anything happened to me I would want my husband to have parental rights of my DS not his bio Father. Would this Utomatically happen as we are married and Hubby has lived with my DS over 5yrs. Would Hubby need to Adopt and can this be done without permission of bio Father been as DS born before law changed in 2003? We would agree that my Ds still has contact with bio Dad as long as DS wants contact between them even if my Hubby adopts if this is also possible to arrange.
I do know however my ex would never give permission if he was required to do so. Even tho he only has contact with Ds when it suits himself, I know he'd do anything to stop me and my Hubby changing my DS surname to ours instead of my ex's.this is mainly because ex has no family that he knows of .
I have never been happy that my son has a different surname to myself as soon as registered my Ds in his Fathers surname I knew I'd made a huge mistake. My Hubby & myself have just been approved asbFoster Carers and its even more important to us that my Ds has same surname as Hubby & myself prior to cared for children living with us. I know this would take time to do if it can be done but we could tell Foster kids his name is same as ours if we know eventually it will be.

Hope this all makes some kind of sense :S

Thank you so much for your thoughts on this difficult situation.

Take care.



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Monday, August 27th 2012, 7:18pm

These are only my thoughts and not fact.

I would say if anything happened to you it would be down to the courts where your son went. I am not sure whether a will would change that fact - something to ask a lawyer.

I think your ex would still need to give permission for adoption and a name change.

I know when my step daughter wanted to change her surname my dh would have had to give permission till she was 16.

You can change his name on many things without changing it legally.

What does you ds want?

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Tuesday, August 28th 2012, 12:56am

Hi, i had my DD (born 08) name changed by deedpole in 2010 to my maiden name as her bio father walked out her life to live abroad. since changing to my maiden name i have got married to my DH and we have spoken about adoption but the adoption agency said we would need to wait and few more years as we only been together 2 years at the time.. but i have made a will at solicitors and put my parents and DH as Guardians of my DD..

You will be able to change it by deedpole, it cost around £50..

Also my DH's bio daughter who was born in april 2003 has been adopted by her mothers husband behind my DH back and he was never contacted.. When he found out they explained that they did look for him for 18 months but no joy so went ahead and adopted her, and we spoke to solicitor and its all leagal and nothing wer can do about it now!

Hope you manage to get things sorted :) xx

  • "aniandan" started this thread

Posts: 491

Reg: Apr 17th 2009

Location: Midlands England

Children: After Ttc for over 5 yrs 1st Natural preg May 2002 gorgeous DS 2nd natural preg resulted in missed m/c at 12 wks Jan 2004 both with my ex fiancé.

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Tuesday, August 28th 2012, 7:38pm

Hi Gemma thanks for popping by,

My Ds would love his name to be changed to our's in fact he goes into last year of junior school this Sep and has said he would like to keep name as it is till he starts new school next year. He also doesn't want to upset his bio Dad. So it is difficult. I also believe that my DS would choose to stay with my hubby if he had the choice.....hopefully he will never be put in that position but just in case. My DS is s o so close to my hubby and has been since the age of 4. He is like his mini me :yes:

Hi Mrs J, thank you too or popping by,

I'm sorry that ur DH's Ds was adopted without his permission. I would like to explain to my DS bio Father what we would like to do & not go behind his back, like I said I would explain that we would still encourage their contact as long as Ds wishes too. My DH also agrees to that too.

Take care ll.