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Grace

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Thursday, October 13th 2011, 12:52pm

Help re napping when you have a baby and a toddler

Argh I think I'm going insane. L is now 3 weeks old and J is 22 months, J is being very good but his play as a toddler naturally involves banging, rattling, throwing and yelling at things - all perfectly normal - however, L is only 3 weeks old and doesn't appreciate this noise when he's trying to sleep.

Trouble is if I want L to sleep anywhere other than on me I have to try a variety of tactics to get him to drop off including bf him until he's really sleepy (or asleep), letting him suck my finger for a long time, stroking his hair, holding his hand all the sorts of things that require me to be right next to him and it often can take about 40 minutes for him to drop off even when he's really tired but I just can't leave J alone downstairs that long while I try to get L back to sleep after every feed (he feeds every 2-3 hours day and night).

So far he's been sleeping downstairs in a swinging chair in the lounge, trouble is, as he's getting more aware and waking for slightly longer periods he's finding it impossible to go back to sleep in the lounge environment because it's too bright and J is too noisy. I can't make J any quieter because he's just playing nor can I make him play in the dark and I can't spend 40 minutes upstairs trying to get L to sleep so what do I do? I don't have any relatives who can come in and watch J so it's just me and I can't see how I can do both. Other people do this all the time so what the hell is the secret? I have had the morning from hell with L screaming because he's tired and unable to sleep and every time I went upstairs J yelled because he was on his own and it was approaching his lunchtime, I love having the 2 boys but I can't see how I can meet both their requirments and I feel like I'm failing both of them as one of them is always missing out :(

p.s I have tried a sling for L but that only works if I put him in it and then walk up and down the lounge and dining room for about 30 minutes which is good as a last resort but not very practical as J thinks it's some new game I've invented and runs after me throwing himself into the back of my legs (which I suppose at least gets him lots of exercise).


ICSI BFP DS1 born Nov 09
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JENSQUI

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Thursday, October 13th 2011, 1:42pm

sounds like a nightmare. Can't offer any real practical help as obviously never had this problem and all of my friends with a two have little ones that can sleep through a room full of toddlers making a noise so seems you have been very unlucky! Is there any scope for L sleeping outside in a pram during day or is that not an option with your house? Do you have another room downstairs that L could sleep in in a pram? (as you can see all my solutions are pram related because M has always slept in pushchair for daytime naps, even inside!)
good luck xxx


me 38, DP 44, ttc since 2005
BFP May 07 - HB seen @ 8 wks but CRL only 7 weeks, m/c @ 9 wks
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BFP Jun 08 - early loss
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Blue

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Thursday, October 13th 2011, 3:03pm

This is how I found out you've had your little boy! A MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS to you!!!
I'm sorry I can't help much with the sleeping thing. J is 2 months older than my girls, and I know how noisy they are... even after they have been worn out.
Do you think it is possible for L to learn to sleep through the noise? Because the noise is here to stay, and that would be such a useful life-skill, if it was possible. I made sure my girls slept though loo flushes and doorbells. But unusual sounds, like the clanking of plates of the dishwasher being emptied, wakes them up immediately.
Lots of love to you ALL!
Blue
xxx

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Thursday, October 13th 2011, 5:17pm

Hiya Grace, I was wondering how you were getting on. It is only very early days yet and whilst I know it's not necessarily what yo want to hear but the stock phrase 'it gets easier' that gets trotted out to mums of new babies really does apply. The reason we all say it is because we know we all had issues like this but we can't quite remember how we managed because it gets easier really quickly! My DD 2 would sleep in the daytime through a lot of noise in her Moses basket although I did try and introduce a time for quiet colouring which mean that being quiet while mummy got baby off for a nap meant a reward of mummy's undivided attention. Maybe your tiny would sleep in a sling in the day time for the time being and you can work on him settling upstairs at bedtime when dad is around to help until he will do it more quickly and then you can put him there in the day? I must admit I made VERY frequent use of cbeebies at his stage with my eldest. Would J watch it? Or a DVD? Or do you have somewhere downstairs you could put a Moses basket for daytime naps, another room maybe or even a quiet corner of the kitchen with the door shut?

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Thursday, October 13th 2011, 7:38pm

Congratulations sweetheart, on baby L. :congrats:

I don't have much of a clue except to echo what Jen says about baby being downstairs but in another room in a rockable crib/moses basket/pram - so that you can keep popping back and forth until baby gets habituated to the noise a bit more. Two things that I have used as noise blockers are a portable fan pointing away from baby and towards the noise source (really worked!) and a white noise thingy I found on Youtube which William found very soothing when he was a cub.

Good luck, and lovely to read your news. xxx


nn
1st IVF July 2008 BFN
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Grace

Princess of the Universe

  • "Grace" started this thread
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Thursday, October 13th 2011, 7:57pm

Well the funny thing is that L's sleep it getting worse and worse as he gets older. When we brought him home he would sleep in his cot during the night and I would have to wake him for feeds, he would then sleep happily on a nursing cushion on the sofa where I could keep an eye on him all day - dropping off with little help needed from me and sleeping through pretty much EVERYTHING. As he's got older and started to spend more time awake he's got harder and hard to settle to the point where both he and I now sleep in the lounge as 50% of the time he won't settle after a night feed (which he wakes himself up for now at 2 hourly intervals) and will make annoyed noises or cry until his next feed 2 hours later (this wakes J up which isn't fair on him hence we're now downstairs). The same is happening during the day, he's struggling to settle after a feed and j making noise and the light levels in the lounge make it worse - J always decides to throw something off the back of the sofa just as L's eyes are drifting closed! Once he's asleep he will sleep through most noises but it's getting him to go to sleep that is the problem.

J loves watching Cbeebies but I've tried to cut him right down as I was quite ill during my pg and was unable to play with him much so I used TV to keep him amused and I don't like the fact that he's been watching so much. We do have other rooms I could put him in but the problem remains the same, I would have to exclude J while I tried to get L to sleep and it could take up to 40 mins for L to give up and go to sleep even in optimum conditions and I just can't leave J that long. Sadly rocking has no effect on L (so the rocking function on his cot is pretty much useless) walking, driving, finger sucking and swinging work off and on but nothing can be relied on 100%.

The pram thing I have considered but our garden is a hazard - seriously you have to see it to believe it - and there is nowhere to walk with a pram to get L off to sleep. Nor is there anywhere i can leave it where I can easily get to it or hear him when he cries, if I put it inside I'll turn round and find J running round the house pushing it at speed!

How do other people do it? do other people's babies just fall asleep when they're tired? neither of mine have, J used to scream for hours (literally 5 hours one day just because he was tired and didn't want to take a nap) and now L struggles to get to sleep as well (although he's nowhere near as bad as J was at this age).


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Thursday, October 13th 2011, 9:30pm

Grace it sounds like you're having a real tough time of it at the moment. :(

There is 19 months and 1 day between our girls, we call our DD1 Noisy Nancy because she is so loud and over dramatic. It wasn't many weeks before Olive had trouble getting off to sleep in the day and her only decent nap would be when Nancy had her nap but now Nancy only has about 2-3 naps a week so that's gone out of the window. I tried getting her to sleep upstairs after settling her downstairs (for the same reason as you, I couldn't leave Nancy for that long) but she has a sixth sense and knows when I leave the room so I let her get as much sleep as possible downstairs in her egg (it's a bloom highchair that reclines for newborns). Now Olive has about 3-4 naps a day of about 20-30 minutes it's been that way for months, she's normally shattered by about 7pm and more than ready for sleep so has a better night than before although still wakes for a feed or two.

The only times Olive has slept for longer periods are in the car on long journeys or pushchair when we're out and about but even then she doesn't tend to sleep for longer than hour at a time unlike Nancy who would sleep for 3 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon.

As you can tell I never really cracked it but I found a way that kind of works for us. I know in the early days I was so tired I could have slept anywhere especially when Olive went through a phase of being wide awake at 4 am but as soon as I put her downstairs in her egg she'd drop off just as I'd made a cuppa. I promise you it won't be this hard for long, you will get more sleep and things will work themselves out.


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Friday, October 14th 2011, 9:33pm

Congratulations on the birth of your little boy. Grace, I can honestly say that I could have written this post :snigger:

Will is a bit older than J but we are facing the same issues, Will has no naps now either so ther is no respite at all. Charlottes main sleep is straight after her first feed when she has 2 hours so I usualy manage to get her down before Will gets up then that seems to set her up for the day. Although today the builders next door put paid to that so a nightmare morning was had X( . She will then nod off on and off but wont have another good sleep until we walk the dog at lunch. Then in the afternoon I admit to resorting to fireman sam, I feel very guilty but needs must and all that.

Like Polly said, I am just trying to find a way around it. Some days are better than others but I do feel like I am getting myslef into some sort of routine.

My main issue is bed time, if DH is late from work I find it difficult reading and settling Will while rocking Charlotte but like you, I cannot leave Will on his own for half an hour while I settle Charlotte. It is really difficult second time around isn't it, I just keep telling myself that it WILL get better.

Hope things get easier

blowkiss


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Our 6 yr TTC journey WAS over
Shocking natural :BFP: Charlotte born 10/9/11
:happy: Our family is now complete :happy:






Grace

Princess of the Universe

  • "Grace" started this thread
  • United Kingdom

Posts: 3,405

Reg: Jul 29th 2008

Location: Berkshire

Children: 1 beautiful little son conceived through ICSI and one equally beautiful little boy concieved naturally!

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Saturday, October 15th 2011, 7:37pm

Thanks guys, it's nice to know I'm not alone. All the people I met who have babies the same age as J can't understand why I have a problem as their babies fall asleep just like that!

Why are there no books on this subject? you can get hundreds aimed at first time mothers and none for 2nd time round, maybe we should all collaborate and write one :)

I met a lady yesterday in the playground who had 4 children ... 4! how the hell does she cope?


ICSI BFP DS1 born Nov 09
Natural BFP DS2 born Sept 11

mrsjasper

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Saturday, October 15th 2011, 11:17pm

I want to know how anyone has the time to conceive a third, let alone fourth! I am generally too tired for anything more than a cuddle after anout 6 o'clock in the evening.




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