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amyeliz87

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  • "amyeliz87" started this thread

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Wednesday, July 6th 2011, 1:31pm

Considering Surrogacy as a future option .....

I would be grateful if anybody could offer some helpful advice & answers...

I have been googling surrogacy and also looked in here at certain topics... However...

My story is mainly listed in my signature! We are convinced that we have problems with my immune system... and it's killing our babies when I do eventually fall pregnant...
The other day a close friend of both mine & DF's, said... If it came to Adoption, she would rather act as a surrogate and carry one for us before we have to go down that route! And she is being serious! We have talked it over etc... She can carry children, she is 24 and has a 3 y/o girl, and an 11 month old boy now! And she said with it being entirely mine and DF's child obviously she would have no problem in carrying it and then giving it to us as it is our baby!! I DO TRUST HER!

Anyway I mentioned this to DF, and he didn't really speak about it, and then 2 nights later, he said.... "If she is serious, why don't we just take that route now and save any more heartbreak etc"

It is a valid point... I did say however, that I think I am ready to try ONE go of IVF, and if I fell pregnant with that and lost a 3rd baby, then surrogacy is the next option it would seem ?(
Do we pay £1500 + for Chicago Immune Testing... Or put our time, effort & money into surrogacy which would give us a higher % chance of a baby sooner ?( :innocent:

My question is:- I have 3 rounds of IVF available on the NHS (lucky I know) .... BUT... If we choose to use our friend in helping us, then can she "HAVE" one of our IVF chances? Or would we have to pay for it out of our own pockets ?( :O

Any further information would be appreciated... I know this is a subject that needs a LOT of thoughts and talks before we decided on anything for certain... BUT... We can see a light at the end of the tunnel if that makes sense??

I also doubt about carrying a baby myself as I am A- blood and baby would be O+ .... Adding even more complications :sadface:

It would be hard with a surrogate, don't get me wrong, as I wouldn't have the pregnancy experience I do want etc... And it wouldn't be me feeling baby grow and move - BUT... as the friend pointed out... I wouldn't get that with adoption either !!!! And that is true ?( BUT... baby would be OURS ?(
(we have never hinted to her about anything like this - not thought of it much to be honest because I wouldn't of ever wanted to ask any1 - she just told us herself last week)
April 12 - IVF - :BFP:


This post has been edited 3 times, last edit by "amyeliz87" (Jul 6th 2011, 1:33pm)


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Wednesday, July 6th 2011, 4:36pm

Hi there,

Sorry to hear what a tough journey you have. I can't really answer your questions but I just wanted to say that although it is absolutley wonderful to carry a child, it is only for 9 months of its life, if you did go down the surrogacy route you would miss this but you would be there for the rest of your childs life, does that make sense??? I am lucky enough to have my little boy but I wouldn't rule out adoption at a later date if it came to that as I strongly beleive that the love you will feel for the child will be the same whether you have carried it or not. Good luck with whatever your decide to do. xx

amyeliz87

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  • "amyeliz87" started this thread

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Thursday, July 7th 2011, 1:08pm

Thanks for replying Jasper, and to Calypso for PM'ing me... Gives me some comfort in the fact I am not thinking these things alone & it is only 9 months! :smile:
April 12 - IVF - :BFP:



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Monday, July 11th 2011, 11:31am

amy - i am ready to move onto surrogacy too so we are maybe at the same emotional stage???

It is heartbreaking to think i will never be pregnant and have a proud bump to admire and show off - but i think raising a child is the real goal here - it's very sad that we have to make these hard choices but you are not alone honey.........keep smiling

we cant change the past but we can influence the future...................


x

amyeliz87

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  • "amyeliz87" started this thread

Posts: 3,951

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Location: Lancashire

Children: 2 angels watching over us & our precious DD Scarlett Leigh <3

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Monday, July 11th 2011, 1:34pm

I am worried what people will think? People are bound to judge aren't they & my DF will just say - ignore them ... He is good at that - or at least doesn't show any emotion! :innocent:

Do you know what happens with maternity leave chick? Can it be transferred from the surrogate to yourself once baby is born ?( :O
I feel I may need to go to an information evening or something, but I don't know if these exist!

I did however, tell my mum last night about the whole idea, and she agree's, it may be the right thing to do in the near future!! And it's still OUR baby that we will raise forever after the 9 months :smile:
April 12 - IVF - :BFP:



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Children: Hoping for a miracle.....please

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Tuesday, July 12th 2011, 1:54pm

Hi Amy - I would try not to worry about others - nobody can understand what heartache we go through if they havn't been here.

It may become frustrating to tell people you didn't carry the child for years to come when they are asking about the birth etc,...but i would imagine the initial telling of your friends, family and work colleagues will be well received, most people would try to understand and accept, those that don't arn't worth your time or energy.

When you legally adopt the child I believe you have the same maternity and paternity rights as if you had given birth - Maybe someone else can confirm this who has been through it?

Nix

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Thursday, July 14th 2011, 5:13pm

Good Luck Amy, I'll be reading these posts with interest in case it's an option we need to look at too (we're on our 4th round of IVF now).

Regarding your question whether the surrogate could have your free cycle... Do you think she would need your full cycle? I'm just thinking, you will have to have a cycle anyway to produce the eggs etc, so it's not like you wouldn't use yours, but also, if she is very fertile, with a normal cycle, then she could probably have a natural cycle with the embryo implanted, the same way they do a frozen natural cycle. She would just need to be at a similar time to yours wouldn't she? I wouldn't have thought she would need any drugs? But maybe I'm missing the point.

I think it's a very special thing to do for someone, and any questions would be more out of curiosity than nastiness. I think anyone would realise that a couple who had had to give up the chance of having their own children naturally would have had a very hard journey to get the that point. So I don't think anyone would think badly of you.

And really good luck if you decide to go down that route. If you have your one more cycle, you could always freeze some extras and if it doesn't work, use them for the surrogate.

j x


Me 35, DH 37 [zx151]
2 x ICSI :BFN:
1 x FET :BFN:
Nov 11 - 3rd ICSI (Immunology Cycle) :BFP: Please stay with us :pray:





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