FertilityZone

Hi Weasleys,

We're in exactly the same position as you, and are both very nervous about stepping onto this new rollercoaster. We have the application forms from a local agency, and are also going to contact the LA to see what they have to say. I''m not too well at the moment, so we're just holding off for a little while untilI'm on an even keel, then will be starting in earnest.

It's really scary, and I know just what you mean about feeling alone. I've loads of good friends on here, but none are in the position we are now, and I feel like I shouldn't be talking to them about having stopped ttc as I don't want to put that thought/worry into their minds, when I'm praying with all my heart that the ivf works for them.

When are you thinking of applying? It would be really good if we could be there to support/be a sounding block for each other along the way. I think we have a long and difficut journey ahead of us here, but hopefully it will all be worth it in the end.

Good luck and please keep in touch xxx

PS - I can also appreciate how your heart flips every time you read about how difficult the children can be - this is one of our biggest concerns, and I worry that ultimately this may put DH off as he would find it too difficult xx

Hello Weasely
I think once you have been to the information meeting you will gain such a good insight into the basics of adoption. I looked into adoption when I was told IVF was not possible for me. I went with an organisation called St Frances which is a catholic adoption agency and they was very kind but also very honest.
Unfortunately the adoption process is very intrusive, so its great that you are both keen to look into it.

I wish you every success and look forward to reading your diary!

Hello there

Nice to see a new face (so to speak)

We have been going thru the adoption route now for 15mths (yes 15mths) and are still waiting for the home visits to start ... a lot of things have gone wrong so far with ours (i mean paper work, timescales etc) doesnt mean it will happen with yours of course

Its a hard decision to come to ... adoption.. so i can sympathise with you there, but once u get the ball rolling ur whole aspect of adoption will change ... the children who wait arnet 'perfect' im sure if they were, they woudlnt be up for adoption in the first place. Most of the children have been thru trauma ... trauma of abusive parents, of neglect, maybe death etc ... its not an easy ride for these children and the more u 'get into' the process, the more your mind will change about how u feel at the moment.

Im not gona promise u its gonna be easy ... if u check out my diary for passed few weeks, u will see that its not ... but - i hope and pray that it is one that will be worth it, i used to want to adopt for my own selfish reasons, i wanted to be a mummy (who doesnt) but u soon learn that these children deffinatly need us, more than we need them ... and in time u will realise that its not what the child can do for us, but what we can do for the child ...

Good luck and keep us posted

Xxxx

Hi Weasley

You know its right your mind should be racing as its a massive step. I have been on the adoption treadmill for 2 years now and nearly placed with children (see my diary for the latest saga of matching). However there are lots of good books out there, little steps for Big People by Celia foster, A childs journey through placement by Vera Fahlberg, trauma attachment and reslience by Kate Cairns. All good books and will help you realised what its about. A lot of t hese children have had such bad parenting and are so traumatised that their behaviour is reflected in this BUT so would anyone if you had been subjected to what they have. Once their trust is broken it can time no time OR lots of time if ever for their trust to be rebuilt.

I know you are worred re DH sister but there could be millions of reasons other than the fact she is adopted why she is like she is. You also dont know here genetic makeup or her background history and what you may know or your DH knows may not be true anyway. As you only know what the LA know and that is very dependent on what kind of SW they had and if the parent/s were willing to co-operate. It also depends a lot on the ages of kids adopted if they parents drunk alcohol and took drugs. They have long reaching effects on children way past beng born as the brain has been developed slightly differently. YOu could look up re Foetal Alcohol syndrome and this will help and give you some informed choice about what you may be taking on as well as lot of these kids have been subjected through no choice of their own to substance misuse. It is true that some adopted children can be very challenging and can go on to be difficult adults, but the adoption process is designed (hopefully) for you to work out yours and DH strengths and limitations and to know what you can and cannot cope with and I think me and DH have bee amazed by what we now think to what we thought when we first started!!!

When you join up to your agency, get some facts, figures, talk to other adopters about their experiences. Do keep an open mind. I remember the first night after our info meeting. My god me and DH nearly had kittens and thought about pulling out. But we decided to perserver as we think and know we will be great parents and you know we can offer those kids a good loving home with stability and routines and boundaries.

me and DH have had a great agency (although we are not placed yet) but we have realised its not necessarily fluffy and cosy, but everyone we have met that adopted all stated how gdifficult and hard it was BUT that they all did not regret it and it made them happy to see such small changes and make a difference. So I guess thats what you haveto think. Marlene and Veggie Mite both have adopted children positvely and I have my diary as well so you can see. Its a long hard path and you have to reveal yourself in depth to yoru SW but you know at times its bad but hey they are not looking for perfect peopel with perfect lives. They are looking for good quality stable people with a real life!! Yoiur DH experience should really help you both.

Good luck and hope to see you posting on here soon then with your home study news!!!