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  • "Tinkerbella" started this thread
  • United Kingdom

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1

Thursday, March 31st 2011, 6:38pm

where do we start ?

hi
After alomost 11 years of TTC
we get our 4th BFN today :bawl:
we have been thinking about adoption for the past year or so now but i haven't got a clue where to start
so if any of you lovely ladies could give me any advice i would be very grateful :)
can we start so soon after TTC or will we have to wait a while ?

Calypso

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Thursday, March 31st 2011, 8:14pm

Hi hon. Firstly I'm really sorry about your BFN :hugs:
I know exactly how it feels, and it's not nice.

Firstly take some time out for yourselves and look after eachother.

It's great that you're thinking about adoption and of course there are lots of questions that I'm sure you'll want answering. Most agencies will want to know that you have come to terms with not having your own birth child and they do usually ask you to take 6-12 months between your last cycle and starting the adoption process.

That said, there is so much to learn about adoption, you can make very good use of the time, both pampering yourself a bit and doing nice things, and also reading up on issues around adoption and children in care.

Have a look at this thread, where I posted a long summary of the adoption process. info about adoption

Hope that helps, but if you've got any more questions feel free to PM me or any of the team.

:xxx3:






Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning how to dance in the rain



Jan 08 Fibroid removed. May 08 IUI - BFN :sadface:
Nov 08 IVF 7 eggs (just one fertilised :sadface: - BFN
May 09 ICSI 1 - 7 eggs (two fertilised) BFN :sadface:
Aug 09 Another fibroid removed
Nov 09 ICSI 2 - 1 mature egg (it fertilised) BFN :sadface:

My journey is now over

  • "Tinkerbella" started this thread
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Thursday, March 31st 2011, 8:20pm

thankyou for your reply i will take a look x

ktb

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Reg: Sep 6th 2009

Location: Essex

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Thursday, March 31st 2011, 8:54pm

Oh hon, I am so sorry, just read this post first before any other section of the forum.

Sending you massive hugs, and hope that your road to adoption goes smoothly and quicker than the normal process.

Thinking of you,

kt.xx
Cycles 1-6 2008 - present. All BFN's too boring to list now! (5 fresh & 1 frozen) :faint:
Cycle 7 - October 2011 3 x LIT, Intralipids, 60mg clexane, 100mg Prontogest, 25mg prednisolone. :BFN:

Check out my blog here - KTB's lucky number 7 Blog.......

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Sunday, April 3rd 2011, 4:40pm

Hello, my lovely.

My friend is in the same position as you right now. She has has 3 failed IVfs and has decided to go down the adoption route. She and her husband have to attend an information evening first then, when it has been a year since their last treatment, they can begin the application process.

I do so hope that your journey goes smoothly, and congratulations on making this amazing decision. There is a lucky baby out there somewhere who will be blessed to have you has his/her mummy xxx

    United Kingdom

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Children: 14- a small class of 6-7 year olds!

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Friday, April 8th 2011, 9:01pm

Hey Hun

Long time no speak. so sorry to see your news.

I know that feeling... we attended an adoption information evening recently and it just made me feel 'lost' and out of time.

Our situation is very different, as my Dh is a lot older than me and is self employed, (having previously worked abroad for 25 years).The information evening was informative, and they talked a lot about the type of children who come up for adoption.The majority of children in our local authority have been 'taken' from parents due to poor care/abuse etc. It was tragic to think what some of these children will have gone through. The social worker that we spoke to said that my Dh would have to prove that he had never been in any trouble with the police in every country he'd ever worked in, and that he would have to provide references with all employers. He hasn't been in trouble but some of the companies he worked for no longer exgist. When we said this, the guy from the local authority said that this would put us at an added disadvantage. Felt like a non starter for us. Dh was more upbeat than me I was totally negative!

But you guys are much younger than us old fogies! You'll have loads going for you.

Have you read any books? I must admit I bought a couple that someone recommended on here but I just haven't had the nerve to look at them. We have an appointiment at Nottingham CARE next week, to look at immuniology, but we are just running out of money and time, thick and fast. We have a frozen embryo but no more 'swimmers' so it's last chance saloon for us!

Hope you are okay. I haven't been on the site in ages. I kept seeing people who I remember from my first and second cycles who have had a baby and I too keep thinking - why not me? And therefore couldn't face it ...

Lots of love and hugs hun

Love Natschxx
Natschxx :cat:

  • "Tinkerbella" started this thread
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Saturday, April 9th 2011, 12:52pm

hi hun
nice to hear from you again
we are still looking into adoption but there are so many things against us i don't know if it will be worth trying our main problem will be if they want to speak to ex partners who you have children to as dh has a daughter to his ex they were only together 4mth and she got pg and they split up straight after. His daughter is now 21 and pg herself but he has no contact with her he hasnt seen her for years, because of his ex turning her against him. So we think she will put a spanner in the works so to say if they do want to speak to her.:(
Not sure what to do really suppose its something we are going to have to talk about over the next few weeks
glad you are ok hun xxx

    United Kingdom

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Children: 14- a small class of 6-7 year olds!

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Thursday, April 14th 2011, 8:35pm

Hi Hun

I know what you mean about putting a spanner in the works, but I'm sure they have to be a bit more realistic and understanding about relationships, and understand that things aren't always black and white.

Micheal Gove said a couple of weeks ago, that he was going to attempt to reduce some of the beaurocracy and aim to get children who are in need of a loving family, out of care and in to homes. I hope this is true. I understand that social services have to be careful but they need to reduce the paper work and look at the people infront of them and support them in becoming the best parents possible. It's a shame they don't spend a bit more time on the people who do become parents at the 'drop of a hat' and then neglect or are too immature to cope with the responsibilities of bringing up a child.

Take the time to talk . And don't let the fear of what might or might not be said put you off. I'm sure they are used to 'ex's'.

Big HUGS

Natschxx
Natschxx :cat:

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