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Billie

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  • "Billie" started this thread

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Children: Moving on from TX. Dedicating our lives to each other and fur-babies.

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Thursday, March 3rd 2011, 10:15am

Adoption...and looking for all info possible

This isn't really a thread I would have thought I'd be posting in quite yet. I thought if there was going to be any consideration for adoption, we would investigate next year at the earliest.
It's funny how as much as I chat to my DH and have a very good and open relationship where we can talk about anything, we were so blind to what we thought each other wanted in life.
I wont deny that previously I'd longed for my 'own' child. In fact, I dont even recognise the person I was 9 years ago. So obsessed with my infertility and I was convinced there was a conspiracy against my conceiving and any friends that got PG, did it to hurt me. (Although that may still be true of 1 ex friend).
Anyway, I've always assumed that my DH wanted to carry on with IVF as he would have liked to try for a biological child. Recently his oldest friend announced they were PG and immediately I thought 'oh god he feels like he's missing out'. So in my mind, I thought ok, we'll swap clinics and have 1 'last chance saloon' shot at a biological child.
In this time, i've realised that i'm not that hung up on actually having a biological child. I've ALWAYS wanted a family and have always just assumed it would be either naturally or through IVF. But I dont care about being PG. I'm not fussed about not having a baby. I picture myself with a little person to love and take care of but not necessarily biologically.

So after a really random chat today that started on the subject of money, we've both put our cards on the table and found out that we've both been thinking the same thing, IVF isnt the be all and end all.

By no means are we rushing into this without gathering all the facts. We need to get books, chat to people, enquire about the process, talk to family, talk to each other and above all........do a whole load of soul searching to decide if this is the journey for us.
(Also read though diaries to see how others got on and how they dealt with everything).

If anyone has any extra info on the processes in East Anglia (Suffolk region), i'd be very grateful to hear from you.

xxxx
Me 38, DH 39
TTC for 8 years +
1st IVF & FET= No Transfer
4 x BFN

"Some days you're the dog........Most days you're the tree"

Blue

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Location: With the fairies

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Thursday, March 3rd 2011, 10:39am

Billie,
I don't have any helpful information for you, but a couple of weeks ago we met a family who'd adopted a little girl. For complicated reasons they were stuck in the adoption process for the same number of years that we were stuck in the TTC/IVF process. But we met them at a playgroup and their beautiful daughter is the same age as our girls.
I know parents from playgroups and NCT groups, but when I am with them I find myself having to hide how much I am blown away by the joy of having my girls. I exaggerate things to complain about so I fit in a bit better. It's "not British" to enjoy one's children so much, especially in public, and sometimes I feel like a bit of a soppy whackjob. But we came across this family because I spotted something similar to the way our family is, they were a very, VERY happy family unit. From the back of the room you could tell their daughter was filling them with pure joy. And it didn't surprise me when they began to tell me about their adoption story. They ended up having to change their jobs (which involved long distance travel) before becoming approved, and this was a difficult issue. But they did it, and they don't regret anything.
This reinforced to me that no matter how children come into our lives, the longer the journey, the more joy there is at the end. I am sure of it. I truly hope you don't have to wait much longer before you have your family.
Blue
xxx

My Diary
10 years, 5 cycles, and 3 beautiful children.
My family is complete :heart: :heart: :heart:

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Blue" (Mar 3rd 2011, 10:41am)


JENSQUI

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Location: Edinburgh

Children: one very special daughter

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Thursday, March 3rd 2011, 11:00am

Can't help with any info I'm afraid (unless you want to hear more stories of people who have successfully adopted or a glowing testimonial from a friend of mine who is adopted!).....but I wanted to wish you all the luck in the world if this turns out to be your new journey xx


me 38, DP 44, ttc since 2005
BFP May 07 - HB seen @ 8 wks but CRL only 7 weeks, m/c @ 9 wks
BFP Jan 08 -m/c @ 11 wks (D&C)
BFP Jun 08 - early loss
BFP Dec 08 - HB & CRL ok @ 8 wks, but sac too small, m/c @ 9 wks
BFP Apr 09 - Martha born 9th Jan 2010
BFP Feb 12 - Eliza born 13th Oct 2012

Billie

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  • "Billie" started this thread

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Children: Moving on from TX. Dedicating our lives to each other and fur-babies.

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Thursday, March 3rd 2011, 11:12am

Thank you for the encouragement Blue.
Thats exactly what I was trying to say.... about how the children come into your life and the journey. You put it just right though. :)
I know this will be a long process but I think anyone who had already tried all kinds of ways to become a family and have been trying for a period of time already has an almost ingrained sense of patience. I'm 37 years old so still have plenty of time to wait while the adoption process is being carried out. Obviously DH and I need time to chat more and read through the packs that the local authority will provide. If I have the idea it could take (if approved) from 18 months to a possible 5 yrs to be matched, i'll still be fairly young.

PS......I am a total numpty!! I've just recognised who you are. I didnt realise you changed you user ID :O :faint:

Thanks for your encouragement Jen. I do love to hear the testimonials and experiences, they are really encouraging. But as with anything, each person/couples journeys will be different.

Wow theres alot to think about.
Me 38, DH 39
TTC for 8 years +
1st IVF & FET= No Transfer
4 x BFN

"Some days you're the dog........Most days you're the tree"

Blue

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Thursday, March 3rd 2011, 12:06pm

I've just recognised who you are.


I'm your favourite fat fairy! Just now morphed into a blue puppy.
blowkiss
There is loads to think about for sure, and lots and lots of talking. But you have options and choices, which is the most important thing.

B
x

My Diary
10 years, 5 cycles, and 3 beautiful children.
My family is complete :heart: :heart: :heart:

Billie

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  • "Billie" started this thread

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Thursday, March 3rd 2011, 2:06pm

I'm your favourite fat fairy! Just now morphed into a blue puppy.


lmao :tonguestretch:
Me 38, DH 39
TTC for 8 years +
1st IVF & FET= No Transfer
4 x BFN

"Some days you're the dog........Most days you're the tree"

Maria72

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Thursday, March 3rd 2011, 5:29pm

Hi Billie,
I don't know anything about adoption, I just think it's lovely that you and DH have been thinking the same! blowkiss

Welshbird

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Friday, March 4th 2011, 10:06pm

Hello Billie :wave:

Well ... wot can i say ... :D :D

Im so glad you have thought hard about what you are about to embark on ... its not an easy ride, what is tho, i mean ivf isnt a piece of cake is it???

I dont know if i can help that much .... i havnt got to home visits yet (not even sure we will get there) but ive done the prep to adopt course, medical forms, police checks etc ...

One thing i learnt going along this journey tho ... is altho yes, we all want to be parents, i used to think thats all it was ... being a parent, but learning along the road also is its not what the child can do for us (fulfill our dreams etc) .... but what we can do for the child ... (love, commitment, acceptance etc)

Good luck - read read read as many books as u can ... 2 good ones i have read are:

An Adoption Diary - by Maria James (a really really good read)

and

What to Expect When You're Adopting...: A practical guide to the decisions and emotions involved in adoption

Good Luck hun ... Xxxxx

Billie

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  • "Billie" started this thread

Posts: 6,265

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Monday, March 7th 2011, 8:51pm

Thank you for popping in hun. It's definately no a rush decision.
I think we need loads of time to chat and think about all this. I'm ready to stop TX now if i'm honest but since the other day, DH has said he wants to think about 1 more go. He's worried he's not ready to throw in the towel on this and will always wonder 'what if' and eventually regret not trying again.
I think i'm going to get the books you suggested hun and get him to read them before deciding.

At the end of the day, if DH does decide he wants to try again with IVF, I will support him and go through it again with him but I want him to be armed with the full facts for adoption before commiting to TX again.

I do have 1 question though about family. How much are parents, brothers and sister etc involved in the prep etc?
What if there are family members that have old and minor criminal records.
Who should expect to get interviewed etc by the prep team/social workers?

xxx
Me 38, DH 39
TTC for 8 years +
1st IVF & FET= No Transfer
4 x BFN

"Some days you're the dog........Most days you're the tree"

Marlene

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Monday, March 7th 2011, 9:14pm

Hi Billie

Just wanted to pop into say Hellooooooo.

Your family are only involved if they are your references ( they would be interviewed.) Other involvment would be in a verbal way, as part of home study you would go through a section about family and your life , this just forms a part of the "profile" that they build up to get a big picture of you and hubbys life, what your beliefs values are.... thats the long bit of the process for most.

If you need a testimonial pop into my diary Billie, I can only say I never believed after 6/7 cycles of IVF/Egg donation I would be where I am adopting our gorgeous daughter ( and hubby of course)

Please feel free to Pm me or ask any questions xxx good luck hun


Beautiful Daughter and gorgeous Son through adoption, my family now complete , 2009 started our journey and complete Oct 2012 ....

parteepartee

Posts: 62

Reg: Jun 2nd 2008

Location: Essex

Children: NA

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Tuesday, March 8th 2011, 5:14pm

Hi Billie,
I'm in a very similar situation to you.
I am not so worried that I'll never have a child, just that I'll never have a family!
I differ slightly in that my DH could face another session, so we've stop tx, even though we had 1 more.
The anxiety and pain just was just too much.

I'm in Essex near the Suffolk border and called in information from Colchester (barnardos) and Chelmsford.
We're off to the first session - Information session in Chelmo tonight!!!!
I'll update my diary if you want pop in and see what happened.

Good luck.
Weasley
1 Early Miscarriage (8wks),
1 Ectopic in only tube,
2 failed cycles of IVF,
2 failed FET,
1 blighted ovum (very cruel)


Adoption Information Meeting Beginning of March




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