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  • "chadwickthecat" started this thread

Posts: 46

Reg: Jun 28th 2010

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Tuesday, January 18th 2011, 1:27pm

Unsuccessful 1st round of IVF - will the second be even worse?

Sorry, but this is another 'what happens next' post.
Me and dh had our first (unsuccessful) round of IVF in October. I didn't respond brilliantly to the drugs and produced 7 eggs, 5 of which fertilised. We put 2 back, but they had stopped developing and the strongest was a grade 2, 5 cell. We're due to try again in March-April.

Although we always knew it was an outside chance that we would be successful, I never anticipated quite how badly we'd feel afterwards. DH took it really badly, but now seems quite able to move on, whereas I'm still a tearful wreck. Since our ivf failed, a work colleague has had twins, our best friend has had a son, and yesterday another friend announced they were expecting (they've only been trying since early December!)

We have a friend who had 4 unsuccesful rounds of IVF, and she is so strong. She say she had to stop, get on with her life and accept that she'd never have her own children. Problem is, I'm nowhere near ready to do that. I reacted soo badly to the last round, I'm terrified that if the 2nd one fails, it'll be even worse.

Sorry for the 'me' post. We had our chat and plan yesterday, on the same day that our friends son was born, and another announced they were pregnant. It's just all come flooding back.
TTC 2 years
36, dh 45
1st IVF Nov 2010 - 7 eggs, 5 fertilised - BFN
2nd IVF April 2011.....

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  • "Welshbird" is no longer a member of FZ

Posts: 8,249

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Tuesday, January 18th 2011, 1:57pm

Hello there :wave:

First of all, im so sorry to hear about ur bfn ... its bloody hard when that happens and i know exactly how u are feeling.

Ive had 4 attempts at ivf too ... 1 m/c and then threw in the towel ...

The first failed and i was a wreck - it took me a year - yes a YEAR to get over it and decide to go again. It hits u hard when u have all ur hopes and dreams shattered when u get that negative result. It took me a long long time to get back up on the rollercoaster again, but i did eventually - and the 2nd time becomes easier - cos u know what to expect, u know what to do, u know how u reacted the first time etc ... if its another bfn (like mine was) it hits u dam hard ... but the 2nd time i came back fighting and was determined i wasnt giving up. Third time we got a beautiful positive, and i knew there was the reason why we kept on fighting ... sadly we m/c at 8 weeks - and my world came crashing down - i was devastatyed and it broke my heart. But i dusted myself off and decided - one more go (cos belive me - u do, u keep going until u know when its time to stop) we had our 4th attempt, but it failed and thats when we decided - enuff was enuff (just like ur friend) but what i will say is .... IF i was younger (im 43 this year) and IF we had more money (4 attempts nearly crippled us) then i would still be there at the clinic having umpteen attempts until we got there ... but sadly life didnt deal us a lottery win, and deff didnt deal us the hand where we would be eternally young .... so to have our own wee family, we decided adoption was next on the agenda and we are in the process of that.

Only YOU and your DH can decide when is the right time to give up ... if ur not ready, then u go full steam ahead knowing what u know about the next ivf, and knowing what to expect if sadly it doesnt work ... but experiencing the joy of getting a positive if it does.

I wish u loads of luck hun, dont be afraid for the next attempt - brace it with the knowledge of what u already kow .... u want a family and u are fighting for it ..

Good Luck sweetie

Xxx

Posts: 2,472

Reg: Nov 26th 2009

Location: manchester/Doncaster for 12-18m

Children: none as yet! HOPING 2012 WILL BE OUR YEAR

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Tuesday, January 18th 2011, 3:44pm

hey hun i can understand exactly what you feel right now. I had my first icsi in July/Aug which resulted in a bfn and i still don't think i have dealt with it compleatly seems to have sapped my confidence a lot. We have decided to get back on the horse and try again plus our one free go has come around so i start DR next week for round 2. I am like you and scared :swear: less about that feeling if i get another bfn bigcloud . My DP is so positive all the time it makes me look very very negative all the time, it's so hard to stay posative everyday it is up and down all the time.

I so hope things work out for you and you get your BFP on your next round. The bonus is at least we know what to expect this time and we are not going into the unknown. Lots of luck hun :goodluck: blowkiss blowkiss


MY DIARY

TTC SINCE JULY 2008
ME 34 ( couple of immune issues Inc low progestrone)
DP 40 LOW [zx151] COUNT
2 x ICSI 2010/2011 = BFN's :bawl:
Icsi no.3 with immune meds nov 2011 = BFN! :bawl:
Round no.4 FET March 2012


Posts: 214

Reg: Mar 13th 2009

Children: Hoping for a miracle.....please

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Tuesday, January 18th 2011, 3:56pm

Hi Chadwick...I am sorrry to hear you are feeling a bit low....IVF is an emotional and financial rollercoaster and it can feel like your life is on "hold" whilst everyone around you has babies.... over the 4 years we have been trying I have had many friends fall pregnant and have children, unfortunatley each announcement hits me like a double decker bus and I spend the next 24 hours crying my heart out for the baby we havnt managed to create yet.....but time passes and I brush myself off and attend the baby showers, christenings and birthdays with a hole where my heart should be.....dont beat yourself up for feeling the same, its not that we dont want anyone else to have a family, it just seems so cruel we have to wait so long.....

the first ivf is really hard as no matter what the statistics say we all hope we are the lucky ones.....the second ivf should be easier for you from a practical point as you know what to expect....but unfortunatley nothing can stop the hurt if it doesnt go the way you want it to....cry and hold each other till the pain is bearable and always have hope....its what makes us carry on and hopefully attain the families we want

there are some amazing stories of strength and miracles on here, the girls are amazing and its always nice to talk tpo someone who understands what you are going through, which, unfortunatley most of our friends and family cant, as much as they want to help us

Get yourself in peak mental, emotional and physical strength and go into your second try with all the hope and happiness of your first, you never know.....it could all work this time


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Tuesday, January 18th 2011, 4:15pm

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear your news with the first treatment but also wanted to just reassure you. I felt the same as you after my first failed IVF - I was depressed and angry for quite a few months. In the end I have decided that it was not only the disappointment of havinga failed cycle - but the effect of all the fertility drugs. I came to this conclusion because I'm not naturally a down person and I was realistic beforhand that it may not work. I honestly believe that the fertility drugs mess with your head. I have now had my second cycle and have got a BFP - 9 weeks now so am still cautious but wanted to let you know that just because your first cycle didn't work does not mean you will not be successful. In fact - I EXPECTED that this treatment would not work and was totally shocked when I did the test.
In terms of your response to the drugs, I think 7 is a good number (and 5 a good fertilisation rate). I had 9 on my last but I wasn't told the grade - only 2 of them were doing what they should have been by transfer day though.
For the 2nd treatment I was more relaxed as I'd been through it before but I also made sure I was more healthy by eating really well, exercising and cutting out alcohol. I did this in the 2 months before I started the drugs as well.

Don't give up....try to get yourself back into a positive frame of mind and then you can start preparing for your next round. It's not easy this fertility stuff and I wish you the best for your next cycle xx

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Rocky" (Jan 18th 2011, 4:17pm)


  • "chadwickthecat" started this thread

Posts: 46

Reg: Jun 28th 2010

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Monday, January 24th 2011, 7:10pm

Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for you comments and kind words. I would have responded sooner, but I couldn't find the post again!!!
I think I might have slowly started to turn a corner, and the dust seems to be starting to settle a bit now. DH and I had a really long talk over the weekend, and I think we might call it a day if this next round doesn't work, as we really need to close the door on this at some point and move on with our lives, it's been too damaging emotionally to keep at it for another year or more. Thanks again for your comments, they really, really helped.
TTC 2 years
36, dh 45
1st IVF Nov 2010 - 7 eggs, 5 fertilised - BFN
2nd IVF April 2011.....




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