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  • "Trikstar30" started this thread

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Reg: Nov 14th 2008

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Sunday, April 18th 2010, 1:06pm

Does This Make Me A Bad Mummy ??????


My sister has asked me if I will go on Holiday with her in September. She has four children and and is a very good mum, she does take the children on family holidays also. Anyway I'm used to two holidays a year and I won't be going abroad with Evie this year as I don't want to take her until she is two, we will be taking her to Cornwal for a week.

My Dh has said I should go as both me and Evie were really poorly after the birth and had to spend the first week in hospital. He also works long hours and Evie is usually asleep when he goes to work and when he gets back. He also works weekends too it's like being a single parent. I have never left her for more than a couple of hours as she is bf and refuses EBM from a bottle or cup !!!

DH said he would love the chance to spend time with his daughter (when we can get her off the boob) as he doesn't really apreciate what I do all day (his words).

I'm not moaning about looking after Evie I absolutely adore her and I'm not even sure I would be able to leave her.I am really bothered about people thinking I'm a bad mum for going away.

I will be going back to work full time in July . The holiday would be in September and she would be 11 months old.

What do you think !!!!!!!!! No-one would bat an eye lid if it was my DH going (he went away to Marbella golfing when I was heavily pregnant)

Tracy x x

  • "angels&babies" is no longer a member of FZ
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Sunday, April 18th 2010, 4:33pm

You probably feel more guilty about it than other people would actually think you were guilty.
If you really want to go on holiday then you should. It would probably do you the world of good but as you say, it might be a bit hard to leave your wee one, especially if it is abroad that you plan to go.
I think the short answer is that it has to be your decision.
September is a long way off and you might feel better about going nearer the time than you do now. You also don't know how things will be then. Is this not a decision that you could make nearer the time and maybe get a late deal?
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Sunday, April 18th 2010, 5:41pm

If it makes you a bad Mummy then I am too (and I'm not... so there :D )

I was in a slightly different position than you but I split up from my ex husband and he wanted to take our (then 18mth old) daughter on holiday. After much deliberating I decided that the only person losing out would be her if I stopped her going. I was pretty miserable without her but once I got over that feeling that nobody should be able to care for my child the way I do.... I was ok. So, although it's the opposite way around, I was kind of forced into spending a week away from my daughter. As time has gone on she regularly jets off with her Dad or goes a hundred miles away for a week with her paternal grandparents (in the school holidays) so we're used to spending time apart and I know SHE is having wonderful one-to-one time with her Dad/Grandparents.

I went abroad on holiday without either of my children last year. We were going scuba diving and that wasn't really an option for my youngest (non swimmer!). They both had loads of fun with their Dad and I got to have a week to myself (with no work!) for the first time in over ten years. As it happens, I'm going to Scotland on Saturday for a week (without them---it's for work) and my youngest daughter has been counting down the days (literally asking me every couple of hours) such is the novelty factor in spending a full week with Daddy!

A fortnight is a long time to spend away but if that's a factor then you could always fly out for just one week? I'd go, I think everyone will gain from you going away for a week. Your husband gets Evie all to himself, Evie gets her Daddy all to herself and you get to re-charge your batteries!

(If anyone thinks you're a bad Mum it's only because they're new Mums too.... and it's all new and exciting. Once you get to primary school age they'll all be REALLY jealous :D )



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Sunday, April 18th 2010, 8:45pm

If you feel that you need a break, and that you're happy with DH looking after your DD while you're away, then it doesn't matter what other people say or think does it?! You know your DD best!

But, I would just say that although it sounds fab, think hard about how you'll feel when you're away and whether you'll be worrying etc and actually be able to switch off, relax etc!

Personally I'm a tad on the neurotic side and know I'd be a worry wart if I was in another country to them so I haven't gone away without my girls but DD1 has been on holiday with my parents for 4 days for the last couple of years (only about an hour away along the coast!) and although they don't want to take DD2 this summer (she's not the best sleeper...........) I'm looking forward to my Mum and Dad taking both of them next year! : D

I think you should do whatever you feel is right for you and your family, and stuff what anyone else thinks!


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Monday, April 19th 2010, 11:05am

Agree with all the above. Its a personal choice, sometimes its nice to have a break and it doesnt mean we love them any less. Just a recharge. Went to Brighton with my sister last October overnight, G was 11 months and was fine, it was me who felt I was missing a limb. See how you feel a bit closer to the time but Daddy will enjoy the one on one (and realise that its hard work!!). When you go away together Im sure youll still be doing the lions share (I know I do) Dont feel guilty! x



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Monday, April 19th 2010, 11:23am

Does a holiday without your children make you a bad mummy? Absolutely bloody NO. Anymore than being a working mum, or deciding to formula feed, or wanting to breastfeed beyond the first few months, or co sleep, or use controlled crying, or feed your child a jar of baby food... or any of the other things that others (often without kids of their own, or with grown up kids so they can't remember) will disapprove of. She is your child, if you think both you and she will be fine then I am sure you will be. Of course you will miss her and you will probably spend the first few days wondering what to do with your arms, but imagine being able to go for a wee when you want, go and look round the shops without struggling to get a buggy round, being able to sleep all night, and half the day too if you want, go out without a bag full of nappies, wipes, crayons, toys, a drink, a snack... And imagine how much daddy will appreciate exactly how hard it is looking after a little one full time. Jealous, moi? Most definitely. However, I personally would be absolutely pining for a snotty cuddle after a week, so I recommend that you think hard about whether you want to do 2 weeks. Just my opinion though.

  • "Trikstar30" started this thread

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Reg: Nov 14th 2008

Location: Lincolnshire

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Monday, April 19th 2010, 6:40pm

Thank you all for taking the time out to reply.

Lot's of interesting points and I do feel a lot better about it now.

We havn't booked anyhting and it woud be a one week last minute deal as I really don't know whether I coud leave her !!! However I would love to give DH a week with my little miss without me intefering and taking her attention as he definitely misses out. Evie is such a good baby and not clingy she doesn't seem bothered on the few occasions (hair appointments) I have left her.

To be honest it's more about my sister she has been pregnant and looking after little children for the past five years and was recently diagnosed with PND. It's her DF who has told her to take herself off on holiday and just relax and recharge. My sister will be looking after Evie when I go back to work as her youngest will be starting full time school in September and we are very close and she hasn't got any one else to go with.

I think I will see how I feel when I go back to work, if I struggle with that I will defo not be able to leave her for a week.

Once again thanks for your advice.

Tracy x x

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